


Show Me the Dark Side

by BurnedStars777



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Armitage Hux Being An Asshole, Dark Side Rey, Emperor Kylo Ren, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Visions, Jedi Rey, Jedi Training, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, POV Rey (Star Wars), Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Seduction to the Dark Side, Slow Burn, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 08:25:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 77,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17618903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurnedStars777/pseuds/BurnedStars777
Summary: She knew he had snapped, mostly because a moment later she was choking. She had never been choked with the Force before, and so when it happened it took her a few seconds to recognize it.Control, she realized. That’s what this punishment was about. In his eyes, she was his apprentice. She had agreed to let him teach her after all, and this was what was expected for defying him. How many times had he been on the receiving end of this strangulation?Well, she was not going to be like him in this regard.She summoned the Force and directed all her power towards the thing that was making her squirm and gasp. She harnessed the energy from within herself, drew all her focus and then-She broke his hand.He roared in pain, clutching the appendage that had been holding her. She instantly fell to her knees, gasping and drawing sweet air into her lungs. He yelled in fury, cradling his mess of a hand and she glared up at him, her eyes burning and her chin wet with saliva.“That will be the last time you do that to me,” she rasped, and then ended the connection.Includes Illustrations for most chapters. Slow Burn. Complete.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Reylo fic so I hope you enjoy. You can find my art on Deviantart under the username OkaaraGem. I'm not sure if embedding a link will work, but if it doesn't you can just visit my profile to view the art for this fic. It's labeled and will be posted with each chapter. This is the link to the cover photo.  
> [ Cover Photo ](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Right-Behind-You-Reylo-783000710)
> 
> And here is the chapter 1 illustration. [ Kylo Ren Visits Jakku ](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Kylo-Ren-Goes-to-Jakku-Show-Me-the-Dark-Side-ch1-783658803)
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Star Wars. Please enjoy the story below!

 

Cover Art

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/168737032@N02/47273004941/in/dateposted-public/)

 

She breathed in.

  
Peace. Violence.

  
And out.

  
Light. Darkness.

  
It had been a while since she had had a moment to herself. Now, as she sat with her legs crossed and her spine straight, she could finally calm her mind, and feel the balance of the Force in the form of meditation.

  
Rey barely noticed the boulder beneath her, could hardly feel the tickle of the vines against her legs. The light that filtered in through the canopy above her trickled down and kissed her cheeks, rolled over her shoulders. The shade of the leaves cast shadows on her thighs and shoulder blades.

  
It had been two weeks since they had come to this small, jungle planet. That made two and a half weeks since she and Finn had left the Resistance’s new headquarters to journey here. Six months since the new base had been established. Eight months since she began traveling to different planets in search of children who were Force sensitive.

  
Three years since Crait.

  
A lot had changed since then. The Resistance, reduced to all but thirty members, had been reaching out to their allies in other systems. Slowly but steadily they were growing in numbers, but they still had a ways to go. Their goal for the past couple of years had been to regroup and rebuild. There wasn’t any point in launching grand scale attacks in the interim when they didn’t have the resources. It would have been a death sentence for them all.

  
Leia and Poe oversaw all of their efforts. With Leia growing older, Poe especially had taken an active role in overseeing day-to-day tasks within the Resistance. Some days Rey had seen his eyes bright with determination, while on others they were bogged down by the grand feat in front of him.

  
There were little changes too. Finn’s hair had grown longer. BB-8 had just received an upgrade. Rose had almost become fluent in Huttese. Sometimes, the Resistance base was filled with the tinkling of laughter, six little voices, belonging to the children Rey and Finn had rescued thus far.

  
She hadn’t begun training them yet. To be honest, the idea made her nervous. She barely had a steady grasp on the knowledge of the Force itself, and now she was expected to train these children so they could one day become Jedi like her.

  
Sometimes she didn’t even feel like one herself.

  
She wondered, in a different life, without the war, where would she have ended up? She immediately thought of Jakku, and then a sour taste blossomed in her mouth.  
You know the truth. Say it.

  
She opened her eyes. Yes, she had known the truth. Ever since she had seen her own reflection in that damned cave. She had gone looking for answers, and the ones she found she hadn’t accepted. That is, until he made her admit it.

  
She hadn’t thought of the First Order’s Supreme Leader in quite some time, namely because she blocked him out whenever she caught herself thinking of him. She had never once regretted severing their bond on Crait. He had attacked her friends, her master, even when she had given him a chance to change his future.

  
Long ago, she might have referred to him with a different name, but not anymore. To her he was the Supreme Leader of the First Order. The new Emperor.

  
Kylo Ren.

  
She often thought back to the throne room despite her better judgment. The walls that burned around them, the sounds of battle drowned out by the silence of their connection. That hand, once bare but that time gloved, reaching out for her, begging her to join him, to give this galaxy a change at something new.

  
When Rey really thought about it, was what he had offered her really so terrible? Of course she couldn’t have joined him then; it would have meant leaving the entire Resistance to their demise. But to rid the world of the First Order, of everything from the past, so history could not possibly repeat itself?

  
That would mean destroying the Jedi too, she thought, and the sour taste in her mouth returned.

  
Closing her eyes again, she settled into her meditative position once more. Finn would come calling for her soon to return to headquarters. Their mission to find a Force sensitive child here had been a bust, as it usually was. Tracing a Force signature, especially one as weak as a child’s could be difficult and often misleading.

  
As she began to breath evenly again, she felt a pitch of excitement in her chest as she began to pick up something. Maybe their journey here had not been for nothing after all. Focusing her mind, she reached out with the Force to try and make some sort of contact with this feeling.

  
Suddenly her stomach lurched and a vision sprung into her mind, so fleeting that she barely had any time to make sense of it. She saw an orange desert, touched with pink skies. Jakku.

  
She opened her eyes again and stared hard in front of her. What-

  
“Rey! You over here?”

  
The young Jedi stood up slowly as Finn broke into the clearing, a thin sheen of sweat covering his face. She must have had a troubled look on her own face because his mouth twisted into a frown when he saw her.

  
“Everything okay?” he asked, a bit worriedly.

  
Rey shook her head to clear it, smiling at her best friend. “Yes. I’m sorry. I’m just a bit unfocused.”

  
Finn’s shoulders relaxed. “Well, Poe just reached out saying we should head back as soon as we can. You know, briefings and all that.”

  
Rey nodded. There had been talk right before they left about the possibility of a strike against the First Order. The first in practically three years. It was important that they were there.

  
“I’m ready,” she replied, and the two made their way back to their craft, her thoughts of the swirling deserts of her old home planet still lingering in her mind.

 

When they arrived back at headquarters, Rey knew at once something was wrong. Several of their comrades were moving quickly, aiding what appeared to be a group of injured pilots. Finn stuck his arm out to stop one of the them. “What happened?”

  
The pilot shook his head; his eyes alight with anger. “First Order scum. They found our squadron and just like that, we were under fire. Barely escaped with our lives.”  
Rey felt a spike of dread hit her. She knew every now and then Poe and Leia would send out groups of rebels to reconnect with allies and gather resources; it was essential to maintain the Resistance itself. The past few times, however, the First Order had found these smaller groups. Last time it happened they had lost two rebels. These attacks put the entire Resistance on edge, so much so that for the past few weeks they had debated moving systems again.

  
As the pilot moved away, Finn’s face set into a hard expression. “They’re tracking us somehow, I just know it.”

  
“I don’t see how that’s possible,” Rey said. “We never visit the same place twice, and we’ve moved around countless times since Crait.”  
“It’s Ren,” Finn said, his mind clearly made up. “He’s doing something.”

  
Rey remained silent. It had never occurred to her, but perhaps it could be him. If he had found a way to reopen the bond-

  
No. That wasn’t possible. He had never been able to see her surroundings, and what’s more, she and Finn had never encountered Stormtroopers during their missions. Sure, she had always been informed about these side missions the squadrons had embarked on but that couldn’t possibly mean…

  
It didn’t matter. Now that the thought was in her mind, it sat there, and permeated like a fungus.

  
About an hour later, once the injured squadron was seen to by med-droids, the rest of the Resistance filed into the briefing room, where Leia and Poe stood in the center. Finn nudged Rey and pointed over to Rose, who beckoned to them eagerly. The pair settled in beside the engineer, waiting for the meeting to commence. Sure enough, Poe wasted no time.

  
“As you’ve seen today, the First Order has not given up on eradicating the Resistance. They know that Crait wasn’t the last they’ve seen of us.” Poe scanned the room, making sure to look at all of the rebels gathered. “These attacks on our squadrons will only increase if we remain compliant. Kylo Ren’s policy has always been kill now, ask questions never, so these recent attacks are particularly troublesome. They’re carefully planned, and Ren isn’t the strategic type. He’s searching for something.” Poe paused, and Rey swore his eyes flickered to her before he continued.

  
“The General and I have talked extensively over the past few months, and we believe we’ve created a plan to eliminate the First Order and its Supreme Leader once and for all.”

  
Rey glanced over at Leia, watching as the older woman stood with her chin raised. She did not flinch at Poe’s comment of eliminating her son, but why should she? In her eyes, Ben Solo died with his father.

  
“The Resistance has been able to infiltrate the First Order with a handful of spies,” Leia informed them next, and Rey’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. She wasn’t the only one. A handful of murmurs drifted up around her. “General Poe and I wanted to keep this mission covert to ensure its success, and as a result we have gained sensitive information from General Hux himself.”

  
“No way,” Rose whispered, a little too loudly, and then reddened when Leia glanced over at her.

  
“We’ve been informed that in three months time, the First Order will travel to the Outer Rim for a ceremony of sorts,” Leia explained. “There, the Supreme Leader will select an apprentice.”

  
As more murmurs rose up in the air, Rey found herself confused, even though she told herself she shouldn’t be. After all, it made sense for Kylo Ren to choose an apprentice as Supreme Leader. Even so, a part of her was surprised he cared about finding a successor when he had been so willing to throw everything away in favor of ruling the galaxy with her.

  
That was three years ago, she reminded herself, and then became slightly angry when she found herself thinking of that kriffing throne room again.  
“We’ve been able to obtain the coordinates they’ll jump to,” Poe continued. “Three months will give us enough time to gather any remaining resources we need to prepare for battle. On that day, by the time they reach the Outer Rim, the entire Resistance will be there to greet them.”

  
Several voices shouted out their approval, Finn and Rose being some of them. It was a good plan, after all. The First Order would never see them coming, especially since the Resistance hadn’t bothered to make a direct attack in so long.

  
Rey found she couldn’t join in with her comrades’ cheers, although she believed under different circumstances she would have liked to. No, she couldn’t join in, for in that moment a familiar feeling washed over her, the vacuum of pressure closing in on her mind.

  
It was similar to before, but it was sharper, causing her breath to rush out all at once. The voices around her faded into muffled noise, the corners of her vision became blurry.

  
Screaming. The desert. Jakku. Plutt, his body cut cleanly in half. Black boots. Her old AT-AT. That silly, pilot doll she had fashioned. Leather fingers tracing over scrapings in the metal siding, tally marks.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/168737032@N02/47273005311/in/dateposted-public/)

  
Back in the meeting room, Finn was looking at her. His eyes were wide with worry and his hand was on her shoulder. He was saying something, but it was lost in the haze.

  
The pink sky, the hot, orange sand. The grains swirling with the stroke of a hand, lifting out of shallow pits. Bones sticking out. The broken skeletons with rags of clothing, clinging to the decrepit frames. She saw a black hand reaching down to gently pick up one of the skulls, cradling it in his palm.  
And then crushing it in his fist.

  
Rey stood up abruptly, her chair falling with a crash behind her. All eyes turned to look at her. She thought she saw Leia, watching her in a way she never had. Rey stood there for a moment, her eyes dull, her lips parted.

  
She fell to her knees and vomited.

  
A few people shouted in alarm, and she heard Poe yell, “Call a med-droid!”

  
She couldn’t focus, couldn’t get the sight of those awful gloved hands and the stench of old bones out of her nose. She felt herself being herded into a small room, and she slowly began to collect herself.

  
“I’m fine. I don’t know what happened,” she said, glancing up to find that only Leia was present in this new location with her. The older woman’s expression was hard to read.

  
“It’s him, isn’t it?”

  
Rey faltered. “I…I can’t say for sure.”

  
“Rey.”

  
She looked up at Leia guiltily. “It can’t be. I severed the connection.”

  
Leia nodded, knowing very little about the bond between Rey and her son, but knowing enough that she was able to sense the turmoil within the young Jedi. “Even so, that wasn’t nothing. I felt it too.”

  
Rey shook her head. “I don’t understand. The bond was created by Snoke, it should have died with him. He…Kylo Ren told me himself…I’m not strong enough to connect us. The effort would have killed me.”

  
“You’ve grown stronger,” Leia reminded her gently. She paused. “Perhaps your combined strengths could have reopened the connection.”

  
“He reached out to me.”

  
“What did he say?”

  
Rey swallowed. He didn’t say anything, but he had shown her something. She had felt how deliberate it was. He had wanted her to know he was on Jakku. That he had violated the place she had called home. That he had…found her parents…

  
But how could she say any of this to Leia? She didn’t think she could bear to retell the grotesque images of what she had seen.

  
“He wanted me to know he’s still there,” she answered finally, knowing that the statement was still true.

  
Leia didn’t say anything for a long, long time. By the look on her face she was turning something over in her mind, and Rey had the feeling that whatever it was, it wasn’t going to be pleasant.

  
“Does it pain you, to keep up this connection?” she questioned, her eyes snapping back up to Rey’s.

  
Rey blinked. “I…not always, sometimes it’s…” she paused, feeling the back of her neck grow hot as she struggled to explain, “it’s hard to explain,” she finished lamely.  
Leia nodded again. “Do you mind if Poe joins us?” she asked suddenly.

  
“Oh…no, I suppose not.” Besides Kylo and herself, only Leia and Luke knew of their connection. Rey frowned at the thought of Luke. Her chest suddenly ached for her deceased master.

  
“Forgive me, I wouldn’t normally ask you to reveal such private information, especially if it pertains to the Force, but I am afraid that even now, I cannot give an entirely unbiased opinion on what should be done regarding my son.”

  
Rey nodded; partly surprised that Leia was being so honest with her. Perhaps a part of her still hoped Ben was inside the shell that he had become.

  
When Poe arrived, Rey did her best to briefly explain the Force Bond to him, finding that while in the task of doing so, she kept the specific moments she and Kylo had shared to herself. They were too intimate she found, to share with her friend and with Kylo’s mother.

  
“What do you suggest she do?” Leia asked Poe after he had been briefed on the situation.

  
Poe gripped his chin tighter, the stance having been used throughout Rey’s explanation. His eyes narrowed in thought, as if he still couldn’t believe this had been kept from him for all this time. “You said you can’t see each other’s surroundings?” he confirmed.

  
Rey shook her head. “It seems the only way that can happen is if the other willingly reveals it.” Stars, she hoped she was right.

  
Poe seemed to sense her hesitation for when he spoke again he said; “Maybe we can use this to our advantage. You could test it out, open the connection and see what can and can’t be done.” He paused, finally removing his hands from his chin. “But you can’t do it here. You have to understand Rey; the Resistance can’t afford to have the location of our headquarters revealed. It would destroy us.” Poe glanced at Leia. “But…maybe if you were able to look into his mind with the Force…”

  
Rey shook her head. “It’s not that simple. We’re practically evenly matched, him and I. To try and peer inside one’s mind is almost an invitation for the other to look inside. I don’t think he would risk it, and I don’t think I would either.”

  
“Still though, if you kept at it-”

  
Leia placed a hand on Poe’s shoulder. She turned to look directly at Rey. “This connection with my son, how strongly does it run?”

  
“I…don’t know what you mean.”

  
A crease ran along Leia’s forehead. “Could he ever come to trust you?”

  
Rey’s breath caught as she thought back to the throne room for what felt like the millionth time. She saw it in his eyes, how badly he wanted her. Wanted her in every meaning of the word. She felt it when they had touched hands. The intense emotion, the raw power-

  
“He wants me to join him, as his apprentice…and…to turn to the Dark Side.”

  
Poe nodded in thought, not particularly surprised. It was Leia that responded first though.

  
“Maybe you should.”

  
Poe visibly jerked and Rey’s mouth hung open. “General-”

  
Leia put a hand up. “Let me rephrase that. If the objective is to keep this connection established, the goal should be to let him think you are considering it. Let me be clear, I don’t under any circumstance, want him to train you. I don’t want you to even take any of the Dark to appease him, even if you think you can handle it.” Her eyes were hard. “I can’t lose anyone else to the darkness.”

  
In that moment Rey saw Leia’s composure crack, just a bit.

  
“I will never succumb to the Dark. I promise you Leia,” Rey told her, the hazel in her eyes glowing brighter. “I’ll do whatever is required of me, to buy the Resistance the time it needs,” she added.

  
“That’s good to hear,” Poe said. “I think what’s best is if you find a small uninhabited planet to take shelter for the next week, just to see if you can reestablish the connection. If it ends up being a bust, then it’s a bust, but at least we’ll know. But as long as this connection remains intact, you can’t stay here,” he repeated. He looked at her regretfully, but she didn’t take offense.

  
“I understand.”

  
“Thank you General, that will be all for now,” Leia told Poe, and he nodded at both women before leaving again. Once he had gone, the princess turned toward Rey once more, taking her hand in between her own. “The Resistance and your safety is of the utmost priority,” she told her, “but there’s a selfish part of me, a part that still…still…”

  
She couldn’t finish, but she didn’t need to. Inside Leia there would always be hope that her son would be found again. Rey saw that now. When she asked Rey to tap into her connection, she was doing so for the Resistance, but also for a chance to bring back Ben. Rey gripped her hands, knowing she would do whatever the General asked, but she felt uneasy about the notion of trying to redeem Ben. Surely if he still had the Light in him, he would have joined the Resistance with her by now?  
It was times like this where she realized that despite their connection, she really didn’t know him at all.

 

That night she actively tried to contact Luke. Usually he came to her in the form of dreams, or during mediation, but it was always by accident. She knew he was around her, in the air she breathed, in the emptiness of space, in the sunlight of the planets she visited, but it wasn’t always easy to speak to him. She needed to though; she had to know she was doing the right thing.

  
She sat on the floor of her room, her legs crossed and her spine straight as a stick. She closed her eyes, taking a few minutes to calm her mind before she reached out, searching for him.

  
When she opened her eyes again she felt herself walking along the stone pathways of Ahch-To. She followed the paths as if she had just been there yesterday, weaving up and down the steep hills until she came to stand in front of a great tree, burned to a crisp.  _The Jedi texts_ , she thought, looking at them regretfully. She knew she would probably never revisit Ahch-To-and she already had several of the texts with her-but it made her chest tighten to see the great tree so weak and utterly dead.

  
“You can thank Master Yoda for that,” he said from behind her, and Rey whipped around, her heart pounding with excitement from her success at finding him.

  
“Master Luke,” she said, bowing her head slightly. “It’s good to see you.”

  
Luke gave her one of his signature smiles before taking a seat on one of the stone steps. She remained standing; she wasn’t sure how long she would be able to keep her focus, and she didn’t want to risk letting her guard down.

  
“Why did Master Yoda do this?” she asked, still not quite believing him.

  
Luke regarded her. “Sometimes it’s better to let parts of the past die.”

  
Rey felt a surge of bitterness rise in her. “Your nephew said something similar once.”

  
“I know.”

  
“Why did you give up hope on him?” she tried to say, but it came out as more of a whisper.

  
Her old master gave her a humorless smile. “It’s easier to find hope in darkness you did not create.”

  
“He’s not truly lost then?” she continued. “Ben Solo…he can still turn?”

  
Luke hesitated. “I’m not sure.”

  
“You’re not sure?” Rey asked, incredulous. “Aren’t you supposed to be all-knowing?”

  
“All- _seeing_.”

  
Rey huffed.

  
Luke chuckled at her childish response. “For example, I know Leia has asked you to try to reopen this connection.” He paused. “That might not be a bad idea.”

  
“But-You were the one who condemned it!” She was beyond frustrated now.

  
Luke’s eyebrows furrowed. “The circumstances are different now. You aren’t hiding him to yourself this time.” He gave her a knowing look.

  
Rey felt a blush run up her neck in indignation and embarrassment.

  
“My sister has a point,” Luke added, “You could gain his trust, show him he’s not alone in this conflict.”

  
“You mean manipulate him? Like Snoke,” Rey said, her voice hard.

  
Luke shook his head. “That distinction comes down to you. When the time comes, only you can decide if he is worth saving. Rey, it’s not going to be as simple as trying to turn him to the Light. You have to keep yourself from becoming seduced by the Dark.”

  
She blinked. “I would never-”

  
“Wouldn’t you? I felt the darkness in you here, on Ahch-To. You were so desperate to seek answers that you were willing to go directly to the Dark to find them.”

  
Rey couldn’t argue with that. She had gone straight to the darkness after all. She shivered slightly, remembering the eeriness of the cave. All at once she felt the frustration inside her dissipate. “What should I do, Master?” she asked, a trace of desperation making its way into her voice.

  
He regarded her fondly. “That’s your call to make, Kid.”

  
Rey opened her eyes and she was back in her room.

  
She slept fitfully that night, her mind plagued with her old master, with Plutt’s corpse, with raven hair and a scar running down prominent features. She dreamed of that hand reaching toward her, she watched as it stretched out. Her breath caught in her throat, she was afraid to move, to speak. Would he touch her again? She would never admit to it, but trace amounts of excitement mixed with her reservations at the thought. But instead of being gentle and graceful like she had expected, the hand suddenly lunged forward and shook her by the shoulder. Rey awoke at once and found Poe standing over her, his finger pressed to his lips.

  
“Sorry for the rude awakening,” he told her, once she had packed her things and they were heading for the nearest X-Wing. “Leia asked me to fetch you.”

  
“Can’t I say good-bye to Finn?” Rey asked, a little hurt that the General hadn’t told her she was leaving so soon.

  
Poe winced. “It’s…best for as few people as possible to know what you’re doing. Anyway, it won’t be long until you see him again. A week tops. He and I will personally come by and fetch you.” He gave her a wink.

  
“And if I decide the connection is worth keeping?” she questioned, unfazed by his gesture, no matter how charming it was.

  
“If you do, we can’t have you back at headquarters of course, but we’ll need you for other missions. The Resistance needs every body we’ve got to prepare for the attack.” He stopped as they came to an X-Wing. “Finn and Rose will continue looking for Force sensitive children in the meantime. Once this is all over, they’ll need you to teach them. Until then, it’s just a matter of ensuring they’re safe.”

  
Rey nodded. She knew he was right. She just couldn’t be a full-time master and a full-time member of the Resistance at the same time. She ignored the pang she felt at the thought of leaving Finn once more. She hated keeping him out of the loop.

  
As she slung her small sack and placed herself inside the X-Wing, Poe called in, “Make sure you send me your coordinates once you land.”

  
She nodded. “May the Force be with you.”

  
“May the Force be with you.”

  
Rey sealed herself shut. She started the ignition and Poe stepped away as she prepared to take off. She saw him wave once to her and she returned it before steering herself around and launching back into the depths of space.

  
She flew for a while, making sure she was far enough away from the headquarters before she even considered finding a place to land. After flying for a few hours she found a small seaside planet with two purple moons. She landed the X-Wing on the banks by the ocean and emerged from the craft, stretching her back as she did so. She studied her surroundings and noticed groupings of rocks. She decided to walk toward them, figuring she could find an opening for a makeshift shelter.

  
After two hours of searching, she was able to use the Force to push some heavy boulders out of the way, making a neat entrance into a relatively dry cave. Once inside she moved one of the boulders back, allowing herself protection while also making sure she still had a light source. She laid her sack on the cave floor and sat down beside it, taking out a food portion and filling her face. If she were going to stay here for a week, she would need to figure out a stable means of providing for herself.  
When she had finished her meal she began making a fire, for it had begun to grow cold, and the sun was fading fast. As soon as the first flames burst to life, her hands greedily sought the warmth. She debated trying to go to sleep, but knew that rest was hard for her to find these days.

  
As the fire began to die down, she made her decision. She assumed a meditative position; feeling half-crazed to be attempting this after three years.

  
An hour went by, then two, and she was beginning to feel foolish. If it were not for the vision she had experienced the morning before, she would have thought she had imagined the possibility of a reconnection with him.

  
Just as she was about to give up and attempt to sleep on the stone floor, she felt her skin tingle, not unpleasantly, and a deep pressure formed at the base of her head. The vacuum was pulling her in, the way it had before, and although she was doing her best to maintain her focus, her heart was pounding erratically in her chest.

  
“Are you there?” she whispered, her voice echoing in the cave despite its low volume.

  
No response, but she could feel him, could see his outline beginning to take form. What would he look like after all this time? Would he be completely changed? Would he look older, angrier, more hopeless than before?

  
It was silent, all except for her careful breathing, and the drippings of the stalagmites. Then, all at once-

  
“Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Illustration: [ Kylo Ren visits Jakku ](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Kylo-Ren-Goes-to-Jakku-783658803)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter! Make sure to check the bottom note for this chapter's illustration at the bottom!

She stood up, studying him for a moment, taking the time to look over the man she hadn’t seen in years.

Kylo Ren hadn’t changed much, to be honest. His shoulders were broader. His hair was styled slightly shorter, the tips of his long, raven edges cut cleanly. His skin still harbored that sickly color, making the dark red of his lips stand out even more on his hard angled face. She knew he must be significantly older than her, but it was only now, with him standing across from her, that she realized she had never considered his age before.

He watched her as well. She wanted to search his mind to figure out what he was thinking, but she wasn’t about to risk it so soon after their reconnection.

“You’ve been searching for me,” she said at last, when it was clear he was not going to say more until she did.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“To destroy you.”

She was unfazed by his bluntness. She knew _he_ believed that was what must be done, but she also had come to know his mind from their connection. She had seen his eyes that day, had felt his desperation as the walls burned around them and Snoke’s slain body lay crumpled in the corner. If the time came for him to make a choice, she didn’t think he had it in him to strike her down.

The visuals must have been at the forefront of her mind, for his eyes narrowed in thought, as if he were mulling over the same scene. She privately cursed herself for not keeping her walls in place.

“I know how often you think about that day in the throne room. You’re turning it over in your mind, wondering if you made the right decision.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Am I?”

“The futures we saw together. It was all a lie, a fabrication planted by Snoke.” Even as she said it, she knew he could sense her doubt and that she was avoiding the larger issue.

“I could show you what I saw. What it would have looked like for you to be by my side.” He reached out his hand.

She stiffened, remembering how it felt when they had touched fingertips; the _only_ time they had made physical contact. The rush of power, of peace, of certainty.

“I’m never touching you again,” she bit out.

His lips twitched, whether in fury or in mirth she didn’t know.

“We’ll see.”

She wasn’t sure if his smugness was an act or not. It didn’t matter. Her goal was to keep him distracted, to buy time for the Resistance. She would play his game if that’s what he wanted.

“Would you see what I saw…if I asked you to?”

Kylo’s face stiffened, and there was a part of Rey that was proud she had made him uncomfortable. “There isn’t a point.”

“Because you won’t turn?” she challenged. “I saw you by my side, you had a chance, you _still_ have a chance.”

“It’s not too late?” he asked mockingly, referencing her words on Ahch-To, right before she had reached out her own hand to him. “I _did_ stand by your side,” he hissed, his voice becoming venomous. “I _killed_ for you. I offered you the galaxy. What more could I have done?”

Disappointment washed over Rey, and she knew he felt it. He still wasn’t getting it. Her conversation with Luke rang in her ears. He said she would have to decide if he was worth saving. It would have been so much easier if she could turn her back on him again like she had on Crait, but the more she thought it over the more she realized he was still as conflicted as ever, even in his role as Supreme Leader.

“I couldn’t leave the Resistance to die,” she snapped back, but she knew that wasn’t the only reason.

He shook his head, his raven locks swaying with the turn of his chin. “You’re afraid. You don’t want to lose yourself.” He paused, and then took a step toward her. He was close enough that if she reached out her hand she could touch him with her fingertips. “You insist you feel the conflict in me, but I feel it in you. A part of you wants to go to the Dark.” He leaned forward hungrily. “You’re afraid you’ll like it.”

A chill ran up her spine. There were still so many questions that Luke had left her with, and she often wondered if she would ever be able to find those answers on her own. She didn’t want to give Kylo the satisfaction of seeing he had hit the nail on the head though, so she deflected.

“I won’t see your future if you won’t agree to see mine,” she said firmly. “You may deny it, but I’ve seen your mind. You don’t care about the First Order, about this-this legacy.” This time she was the one who took a step closer to him. “If you did you wouldn’t have been so quick to give it all up.”

She could feel his breath, harsh on her cheek. He was angry, but that was because he knew she was right. He was leading a cause he didn’t believe in. He wasn’t happy where he was, but he couldn’t flee, because if she wouldn’t have him, this was the next best thing.

“You’ve been attacking what remains of the Resistance,” she continued, very careful with how she picked her words. She needed to give him the impression that they were still as broken as they were when they had left Crait. “Squadrons come back nearly every week, injured or worse. They aren’t attacking you. Leave them out of this, if it’s me you’re looking for.”

“Come to me, and I’ll stop.”

She considered it. She actually did. That would certainly keep him distracted from the Resistance. But she couldn’t. It would seem suspicious if she turned herself in so suddenly, and she remembered her promise to Leia. But still, if she could make it seem like it was on the bargaining table…

“That’s not an option. Not unless you let me show you what I saw.”

She knew that would do it. She could see how tempting it was, to wave herself in front of him like that. And if he were so certain he wouldn’t turn regardless of what she showed him…

“I’ll consider it,” he said at last, and then broke the connection.

She let out a massive breath as soon as he had disappeared. A breathy laugh sprung out of her. She couldn’t believe it.

She had him.

 

           

            The next day when the sun had risen, Rey gathered her sack and slipped out of her shelter, intent on using her free time to train herself. Because Luke had not trained her the traditional way, she had to rely on the Jedi texts she had stolen to practice poses and to read about Jedi philosophy. The process was slow and rather frustrating. She knew even after three years of training, she still wasn’t as skilled as she would have been if she had had a master to show her the way.

 Carefully propping one of the texts against a rock, Rey opened it to her desired page and began clumsily imitating some of the newer poses. She disciplined herself to keep her balance, holding each position for up to five minutes before trying a new one. With each new stance she could feel the thrum of the Force inside her, coiling its energy around her limbs and through her mind.

Once she had gained enough confidence, she removed her lightsaber from her belt and ignited the blue, double blade. She practiced each pose again, this time with her weapon.

It had taken her more than a year for her to mend the saber. The kyber crystal had been cracked as a result of her and Kylo Ren’s tug of war in the throne room, and thus had been in urgent need of repair. After much research and traveling, however, she had finally come to a planet that held kyber crystals. Using the Jedi texts to her advantage, she forged the saber herself, igniting it on both ends so it resembled her staff.

She had only used it a couple times in battle, and even then her enemies had not been much of a match. They had been mostly thieves, attempting to rob the Resistance or in some cases, keep the Force sensitive children for themselves. Their defeat had been necessary and imminent.

Rey began to pick up the pace in her poses, the fluidity of her motions turning them into combat formations as she practiced them over and over. As she began to pick up speed, sweat beaded on her forehead and lower back. Her palms were tight along the hilt of her saber, but her fingers remained loose, giving her the mobility to switch hands and change the motion of her blades.

With a yell, she finally brought one electric blue end down to meet a cluster of stone, feeling the Force move with her, as her target was cleanly sliced into two. As the massive stone plummeted into the sea below, she watched it fall, her breathing coming out hard. After the enormous ripples calmed, Rey extinguished her lightsaber and moved on to the next order of business.

She switched Jedi texts, removing her outer tunic as she did so to accommodate her sweaty skin. She casually tossed the garment beside her sack, and then adjusted her breast bindings before flipping through the ancient scripture.

Moving rocks. She had done this hundreds of times, but it was still a good warm up. If there was one area where she needed improvement-other than her lack of focus during meditation-it was the ability to levitate objects. Well, objects other than her saber and boulders.

When she decided she had stretched her abilities enough, she walked several feet down the rock strip towards where her X-Wing was settled. She studied the craft. It was certainly large, but moving it was probably doable. Rey planted her feet, broadened her shoulders, reached out her hand, summoned the Force and-

Nothing. Not even a twitch.

She tried four more times before huffing in frustration. This was never going to work. If only Luke were here. With the First Order gaining power, she could use a teacher now more than ever.

“My offer still stands.”

Rey’s head snapped to the side, and she growled softly. She had been too focused in her task to realize he had been watching. Kylo Ren seemed out of place here, his black clothing and thick cloak contrasted sharply with the greens and blues of the ocean planet. He stood about twenty feet away from her, his feet also planted on the stone shelves.

Rey felt a prick of irritation course through her. “Leave,” she said between her teeth.

Kylo raised an eyebrow, and then glanced directly at the X-Wing. Rey paused, not sure of how much he could see. “You’re not with the Resistance,” he observed.

She hesitated. “No.”

“Where are you?”

She snorted. As if she would tell him that. She turned her attention back to the X-Wing, attempting to ignore him. She reached out with her hand again, her fingers taut as she struggled to move the craft an inch.

“You’ve repaired my saber.”

Rey exhaled loudly, exasperated. “It’s _my_ saber actually. And yes, I repaired it. No thanks to you.” She turned to look at him, her head nodding to the craft. “How much can you see?”

“Only you and the X-Wing,” he told her, and she believed him. He wouldn’t have asked where she was otherwise.

“Well, do you mind? I’m trying to train.”

“You can’t train without a master.”

Rey scoffed. “I’ve been doing it for years.”

“Not very successfully.”

If he was trying to get a rise out of her it was working. “I’m doing my best.”

His eyes moved away from her, and he walked forward, examining the X-Wing a little closer. “Your grip is too tight,” he told her with his back turned. “You can still concentrate while relaxing your joints. You’re blocking the Force when you should allow it to flow through you.”

Rey couldn’t believe he was telling her this, as if she cared what he thought. “I didn’t ask for your advice.”

He turned his body around suddenly, his gaze so demanding and intense that she had to tell herself not to step back.

“Why won’t you let me teach you?”

If Rey didn’t know any better, she thought she detected some hurt there. She blinked. “I thought that was obvious.”

“I could make you so much stronger. You wouldn’t have to rely on ancient, obsolete texts. I could give you the answers,” he said, staring at her fixedly.

She swallowed; he always seemed to know what to say to keep her curiosity peeked. “I can’t,” she said softly.

“You mean you won’t.”

“Well I…have you thought about my offer?” she asked instead.

Kylo paused. “I’ll see your vision if you agree to become my apprentice.”

_So he is searching for an apprentice after all_ , she thought. Ever since Poe and Leia had told the Resistance of this alleged ceremony in three months, Rey had figured Kylo had been pressured to find a successor. But he couldn’t have just been considering her. There had to be others…Perhaps the Knights of Ren?

She realized she was taking too long to respond, and she didn’t want him to figure out her line of thinking, so she took the confusion she had and turned it into anger.

“You demand too much. The deal was if I show you what I saw, I’d let you show me your version. I can’t _also_ turn myself in _and_ become your apprentice.” She tried to appear as vexed as possible and found it wasn’t hard. An irritated flush ran up her chest.

“The latter two are mutually beneficial,” he said, his eyes dropping down for a moment before returning to her face.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/168737032@N02/40308447783/in/dateposted-public/)

It was then that Rey remembered she was only wearing her wrappings, and she tried not to let the discomfort from that realization creep up onto her features. “The deal is to exchange visions. _That’s it._ Unless you can come up with something else to offer.”

She wasn’t sure why she was bartering with the devil. She kept telling herself it was for the Resistance, but she knew she also really wanted to see what he would say.

She shouldn’t have been surprised when her statement angered him.

“I would have given you everything,” he bit out. “We would have moved planets together, ended the war, altered the galaxy.” He was silent and for a moment Rey could only hear the gentle lapping of the waves. “What else do you want?” he asked quietly. “What will it take for you to stand by my side?”

Some sort of strong emotion bloomed in her chest and climbed its way up into her throat. Despite everything, despite her vow to never view him as anything more than a monster, she longed for the man she had only seen glimpses of in his most vulnerable moments.

“I don’t want you,” she said bluntly, slowly. “I want Ben Solo.”

At the use of his former name, something broke across his face, but he recovered so quickly that Rey thought she had imagined it. She could feel his fury, his desire to make her pay for what she had said, and her hand hovered over her saber, a silent threat.

She thought he would do it. He was that furious. He looked so ready to challenge her, to get it out of his system, but the tension in his shoulders eventually subsided.

“I’ll see what you have to show me,” he finally agreed. Rey let out a breath of relief she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “But,” he said, his voice making her pause, “you’ll see mine first.”

She had expected this. He was so stubborn that he needed to feel as if he were in control of their deal. So she would let him have that control. For now.

“Alright,” she said, “now if you don’t mind I’d like to get back to training.”

She turned away from him, not waiting to see him leave. She felt his gaze run over her, and she tried with all her might to ignore it, even though she was certain the top of her chest was now cherry red.

Finally, when she was sure he had left, she turned her attention back to the X-Wing. She reached her hand out and felt the Force, but this time, she loosened her fingers like he had instructed, letting the energy flow down her arm and past her fingertips.

The craft moved a couple of inches.

Rey smiled in triumph, but it quickly faded when she remembered whom she owed her success to.

 

           

            The third day she was there, she journeyed beyond the area around her shelter, choosing instead to make her way toward the outcropping of trees. If she was lucky she could find a fresh water source, and perhaps a place to wash the sweat and dirt from her skin.

She walked two miles into the underbrush until she found a trickle of a stream, and then followed that an additional mile back, until she came to a great stone barrier, several small waterfalls rolling from over it into a small pool.

Rey filled her canteen with the water in free fall, knowing it was cleaner than the stagnant water below. After she had quenched her thirst, she stripped down to her underthings and dove into the chilly waters. She popped up a moment later, removing her hair buns and letting her wet hair flop down past her shoulders. Already gooseflesh peppered her skin, but it was worth it to be clean. She swam forward, coming to hover underneath the waterfall, combing her fingers through the tangles in her hair.

When she began to dress herself she felt Kylo trying to press into her mind, no doubt impatient for her to see the future he had for them. Well, too bad. She wasn’t quite ready. She tried pushing him away and became pleased with herself when she succeeded. Perhaps there was a way to control this bond after all.

Rey paused to refill her canteen and chose this moment to send a brief pulse with the Force to Leia, just to let her know she was still alive. A few minutes later the General sent her a similar signature, and that was enough for Rey.

She made sure to mark this new water source in case she needed to return, and without hesitating any longer she began the trek back to her shelter. It was already starting to darken when she reached the familiar stone outcropping, so she used what little daylight she had left to catch herself some dinner. It had been a while since she had had anything but rations-being on the run in a war did that to a person-so when she took her first bite of cooked fish she nearly moaned at the taste. She devoured both of her catches, licking her fingers to ensure not one morsel went to waste.

Rey stretched out onto her back, enjoying the cracking sensation of her spine on the way down. Her hand felt around for a stray fish vertebra, and she used the sharp end to pick her teeth, the firelight casting shadows against her skin. This was how Kylo Ren found her ten minutes later.

“How elegant,” he commented; she turned her head lazily and noted he was already sitting.

She placed the fish bones down and propped herself up on her elbows. “If you’ve just come to insult me, you can leave,” she said testily.

“You know why I’ve come.” The firelight lit his face up in oranges and reds, making him look all the more menacing, not that she would ever admit to it. He leaned forward, his eyes boring into her. “Don’t ever push me away again,” he said, deathly low.

Rey sat up and shifted forward, her right side being warmed by the flames.

“You can’t just bombard your way into my mind whenever you feel like it,” she said evenly.

“That’s where you’re mistaken.”

She cocked her head to the side, testing him. “Would you like me to enter yours? To find out if you’re strong enough to keep me out?” She saw a flicker of uncertainty in him that mingled with the flames. She wouldn’t actually dare, of course. If he managed to infiltrate her own mind he would not only be able to see the location of the Resistance headquarters, but he would know that she knew about the apprentice ceremony. Still, it was oddly satisfying to be so in control, to feel him practically tremble before her at her threat.

Rey swallowed, discovering she was getting a little carried away. She closed her eyes briefly, taking a moment to filter some of the Light back into her being. When she opened her eyes again she saw that the hesitance in Kylo’s eyes had been replaced with intrigue. He had sensed her Dark thoughts, and he was pleased.

She cleared her throat, wanting to get back to the matter at hand. “How…does this work like it did before?” she questioned, her fingers twitching slightly in remembrance.

He was slow to answer. “I don’t know,” he admitted, “but that might be a good place to start.”

Rey watched in fascination as he deliberately removed the glove on his right hand with his left. She had only seen his hands once. They were large and his fingers were long and thick. They had only touched fingers then, but the sensation had been powerful enough to send shockwaves into her system. She wondered if it would be the same this time.

She extended her hand towards him, but let it drop when she saw he hadn’t moved. “What is it?”

“If you’re not with the Resistance, where are you?” he asked again, his eyes daring her to lie.

“You know I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“You’ll come looking for me. I can’t trust you not to.”

“Have you ever trusted me?” And the way he said it betrayed his curiosity.

She thought about this. “Once.”

“In the throne room?”

“Yes.”

But even that was a lie. She had trusted him one other time, when they were seated across from each other like they were now. Rey could still recall the despair in her heart, the saltiness of the tears on her cheeks. She had trusted him then. She had trusted him enough to reach out to him during her most vulnerable moment, knowing he was the only one who could understand. She couldn’t say anything of this out loud though; she didn’t think she could even if she wanted too.

But by the look on his face he already knew it. He could feel it in her.

“Rey,” he said extending his hand, and suddenly her heart was hammering.

She took a shaky breath in, her eyes darting down to his fingers, before she carefully reached out with her own. Her eyes came up to meet his again, and as they approached each other, everything fell silent. She could no longer hear the wind, or the ocean, or the sound of the fire. She never broke eye contact with him, but out of the corner of her eye she saw the muscles in his throat roll as he swallowed, and she knew he was just as nervous and excited as she. Their hands hovered side by side for one long, painful moment, and then they moved in.

It wasn’t quite like before. Back on Ahch-To the sensation had been instantaneous, but this time it rolled over her when their fingers touched. Then, she felt his hand slide against hers, his palm engulfing her own. He curled his thumb around so it brushed the back of her hand, sending pulses of the Force with every stroke. When they were connected like this there was no need for words.

_Let go,_ he told her, his low voice radiating in her brain.

So she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is this chapter’s illustration. You can always find me on Deviantart under the username OkaaraGem.  
> [ Rey Training ](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Rey-Training-Show-Me-the-Dark-Side-ch-2-783659209)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Please.”
> 
> She heard the word that drew her attention to the center of the room. There, stood Kylo Ren, three years younger, his brow still sweaty from the exertion of battle, his usually neatly combed hair plastered to his neck. 
> 
> His hand was already extended like it was the first time, but he wasn’t looking at her. No, he stood in profile, his attention drawn to the woman in front of him, this replica of herself, of what she must have looked like.

Rey started as she came to, her fingers gripping dark, marble flooring, her face hot, and her body sore. There was pain, so sharp in her right arm that her left hand came up to grasp it. She winced in discomfort, drawing her hand away to find her fingers coated lightly in blood.

Her injury from the Praetorian guard. The blood from her wound was a bright red, so it was fresh. That meant-

Rey was slow to lift her head up, but when she did she knew exactly where she was. All around her everything burned. There was no urgency in the flames that drifting down the walls, the red embers floating in a circus of silence.

It was beautiful; even with the severed limbs and broken bodies of the Praetorian guards scattering the ground. Even Snoke, the once all mighty Emperor, had a peaceful look about him, his body crumpled by his throne, sliced in two, his gray tongue hanging out of his blanched mouth. 

“Please.”

She heard the word that drew her attention to the center of the room. There, stood Kylo Ren, three years younger, his brow still sweaty from the exertion of battle, his usually neatly combed hair plastered to his neck.

His hand was already extended like it was the first time, but he wasn’t looking at her. No, he stood in profile, his attention drawn to the woman in front of him, this replica of herself, of what she must have looked like.

Rey shakily rose to her feet. She watched these puppets of her and Kylo, and then she glanced down at her own body. Her fingers and arms were translucent. Her skin shimmered in the light of the throne room, the blood on her fingers twinkling like stars.

It grounded it her some way. It let her know that this was just a vision, that she was still herself. But even as she was reminded of this, she felt all logical thought fade from her mind as her entire focus drifted to the pair in front of her. The younger version of herself looked conflicted, her hand frozen above his in mid-air. The eyes of this younger Rey darted over to Luke’s saber, which Kylo held firmly in his other hand. Rey knew what she was thinking; she had thought it herself at the time. She was considering using the Force to summon the saber so she could make a break for it.

But she didn’t. Rey saw the girl’s eyes soften as she came to her decision. The eyes that had once focused on the saber returned to Kylo’s and she straightened. And then, without another moment’s hesitation, she slid her hand into his.

Rey’s breath caught in her throat at the younger Kylo’s reaction. His visage cracked, revealing the relief and triumph and…and happiness. Stars, he was happy. He didn’t smile, but his features looked more relaxed than she had ever seen them. Was this what Ben Solo had looked like?

The pair stared at each other for a few moments, and then they released hands. Kylo turned and the younger Rey jogged forward to run beside him, as they slipped through the throne room’s back entrance.

Determined not to loose them, Rey started to run after them, but her vision morphed and suddenly she was bathed in a soft, white light. She arrived in what looked like the Star Destroyer’s main hall, the space appearing much different without rows upon rows of Stormtroopers marching in military lines. There was no one in the room but her. And the bodies.

Hundreds of them lay down on their backs. She walked among them, each step creating a sound that echoed throughout the lonely space like music. The first face she recognized was Hux. This was odd to her, because she had never met the man before, but she somehow knew this was him. His neck was twisted at an odd angle and his eyes were alight with terror; no doubt it was the last emotion that had clogged his entire being before he had met his sorry end.

Next was Phasma, who Rey had also never come face to face with. Her armor around her chest and arms was singed so horribly, that in some places the holes burned right to the bone. Rey felt nothing.

She passed several nameless Stormtroopers, some with their helmets, others without. It wasn’t until she made it to the fifth row of bodies that she recognized the pins with the insignia she had held so dearly to her heart. Corpses upon corpses of rebels, some brutally slaughtered or burned, others just lying there as if they were merely sleeping.

She began to identify more and more faces the longer she walked. She saw a half-crescent moon necklace. Rose. The yellow braids of Lieutenant Connix. Poe, lying on his side, his charming face marred with burnt flesh. Finn, her first friend, her family, stared up at the ceiling, his eyes glassy and unseeing.

Leia was last. Her body wasn’t burned, but it was frosted over, as if it had been collected from the vacuum of space itself. Her eyes were closed, but her mouth was set in this awful, tiny frown that was permanently stuck in place.

Rey knew this should have broken her. All of it. And even now, staring at her friends-the people she had given her life to, the people who had shown her what home was like-she felt a dark flower of despair flood her soul. But it was overtaken by something else. Purpose. They had died for a reason. She had let them die for a reason. She had allowed them to be sacrificed. Their lives had been lost, but in her eyes, it was for the greater good. Peace and purpose. Like Luke’s death had been in reality. All of it was to give this galaxy a new chance.

Her vision morphed again and she was back on Ahch-To. In her hands she clutched the last of the Jedi texts, the only living remainder of Jedi knowledge in the entire galaxy. She shifted her feet against the wet, black vines of the ground, peered into the hole she had fallen through once. The books tumbled from her arms and fell, down, down, down, into the darkness.

She saw her parents, lying in that damned peasant grave. She saw the truths Kylo had told her about her origins. How she truly came from nothing, and was no one. She recognized now that being no one did not mean she would not be destined for greatness.

She saw children laughing. Learning to levitate rocks, challenging each other, the strong climbing to the top, the weak going back to meditate and improve. They looked to her with such guidance, such devotion in their eyes. They trusted her to show them the way, to teach them with what she thought was best. What _she_ thought, no one else.

Planets thrived. Those that did not comply with the peace were annihilated. Their lives were not mourned. They had their chance to be a part of this empire, apart of this new peaceful reign. They had brought about their own destruction.

Those that obeyed fell in line easily under her. Some feared her strength, but she let them know there was nothing to dread, as long as they lived with peace and with her new empire’s ways of life.

She was walking up a winding staircase, grounded on a planet, no longer free floating among the stars. She came to a room that opened up in hues of browns and yellows and greens. She paused in front of a full-length mirror, studying the woman she had become. Her dark hair fell in small waves down her shoulders. She was wrapped in beautiful reds and greys; her armor molded against her like a second skin. The thin, silver oval of a crown clung to her scalp; her back was a river of ebony cloak.

The rays of the sun filled the room, washing it in warmth. The walls were like running water, the bed much too large for one person. Her mind thought back to nights spent there, with the candlelight low, and large, warm hands and dark lips creating new fires along her body.

Rey drifted onto the balcony, the sunlight speckling her cheeks, darkening the freckles that were already present. The sounds of laughter from her subjects below reached her ears and she fed off their excitement and their content. The view before her was breathtaking. Reflections of stone cities on water. Trees illuminated by lanterns. The sands that lined the oceans were icy and cool and calm and beautiful and nothing like Jakku.

Bare hands drifted onto her shoulders and her back pressed into his embrace. She felt the pad of his thumb delicately trail up the vertebrae on her neck and she smiled at the sensation. He always knew where to touch her.

“So,” he murmured, his voice low and light, “what do you think?”

She opened her mouth to respond but stopped when she felt wetness on her cheeks. She began to raise her hand to wipe at the tears but paused halfway, opting to let the water run down her chin.

"Why are you crying?” he asked, and he angled her head towards him. She couldn’t see his face, but she caught a glimpse of his dark locks, and the rim of the matching crown upon his head. “Aren’t you happy?”

She swallowed shakily. That was why. The truth of it was painful; it was torture. She had never been so happy in her life.

And then it was over. She was back in the cave, and he still sat across from her, inspecting her reaction. She stood up abruptly and then turned away from him, not wanting him to see her face. She heard him stand up and come behind her, so reminiscent of the vision. She thought he would try to touch her again, but instead she heard a shuffle of fabric, and then a moment later his arm reached around and something soft and light was placed in her hands.

Her doll.

Rey stared at the dingy, cloth plaything in her hand. She had worked so hard to make it, to have it replicate the pilots she had heard about in stories on Jakku. Seeing it now only brought her confusion. Confusion at his kindness and confusion at the violence he had showed her at her parents’ graves.

“Why did you go there?” she whispered miserably, her eyes wet and her voice faltering.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/168737032@N02/47273005151/in/dateposted-public/)

He didn’t answer her, and soon she realized he was gone. She held the doll tightly to her chest until, finally, it too, disappeared.

She didn’t sleep that night. How could she? Everything she had once believed to be evil suddenly seemed so possible. It seemed like a future she could want for herself.

Of course, she couldn’t condone the slaughter of the Resistance. Sure, in her vision she had thought differently, but that had surely been Kylo’s influence. Now that she was back in her body she saw flaws with his vision. There were cracks that could be made to break open.

But there were beautiful things about what she had seen, what _he_ had seen for them. As soon as she had witnessed them for herself she knew that their visions went far beyond Snoke’s influence. This was their own.

It was tempting to turn to the Dark. She recognized that, and she knew that’s why Luke and Leia had warned her. While she would still never turn, she could see why it pleased some. Amidst her despair she was slightly proud of herself for not being seduced by the promises it offered. If anything, the gentleness of Kylo in her dream made her think there was still a chance for him.

Stars, she hadn’t given up on him. She must have been the most hopeful, foolish woman alive to still have so much faith in his redemption. She told herself that it was possible. She had survived his vision without turning to the Dark. Certainly he could not resist her own future. A warmth, like fire, uncoiled in her chest at the thought of Ben Solo returning to the Light. Only then would she have him in the way that he wanted.

She finally fell asleep when the sun rose, with dreams of bare hands and the balcony on a distant planet called Naboo.

When she woke again it was late afternoon. She spent the remainder of the sunlight she had catching fish, refilling her canteen from the waterfall and training. Hard. She worked until she was drenched in sweat, her outer layers having been thrown against the rock ledges long ago. She moved with her saber, twirling the double blade over and over again until the sun was long gone and the only light source was the electric blues illuminating the night sky.

She didn’t stop when she developed a cramp in her right side. She didn’t stop when blisters grew on her fingers or when she was so fatigued her hold slipped and she singed a strand of her hair. She trained until she collapsed against the stone, her fingers digging into the hard surface, her tongue salty from sweat and from the sea.

Thankfully he didn’t disturb her that night, or the next. Perhaps he sensed that she needed some time to process what she had seen.

On the fifth day, however, she began to grow anxious. Poe and Finn would be there in two days to collect her, and she had yet to show Kylo her own future. She contemplated the possibility of him outright refusing to see hers, now that he had gotten what he had wanted, but in the end she didn’t let that doubt taint her. There was a certain amount of honor and respect in the deal they had made, and she believed he would follow through.

Leia contacted her twice more. She couldn’t speak to Rey, for the two didn’t have a Force Bond, but the familiar thrums of the Force on her end were enough to let Rey know everything was still okay with the Resistance.

Finally, on the morning of the sixth day, Rey decided to reach out and contact Kylo. She sat on one of the many cliffs that bordered her shelter, electing to feel the soft ocean spray rather than the stuffy heat of her cave.

“Are you there?” she inquired, when the Force pulsed through her entire body.

No answer.

Rey frowned, contemplating whether or not she should ask again. She opted not to, considering she was already starting to feel his presence. It was odd; why wouldn’t he answer? Perhaps he was busy? Maybe he was in the middle of a meeting? Curiosity got the better of Rey, and she peered in, eager to get a look, a touch, really anything.

She couldn’t see his environment, which was disappointing, but not that surprising. Neither of them had ever been able to see the other’s surroundings without permission. She did feel his anxiety though. He was angry, and he was nervous.

Hux. It had something to do with Hux. And the army he controlled. Her mind raced. Was there unrest in the First Order? Was Hux planning a coup? She could only gather whispers, she couldn’t get a good look for sure but maybe…

“Enough.”

Rey jolted, and he appeared before her, dark and irate, but really what else was new?

“Attempting to peer inside my mind, are you?” His eyes were dark, but Rey could tell he was not as angry as he would have been if she had succeeded.

So she feigned indifference. “You didn’t leave me much of a choice. You still owe me your audience. I don’t have much time before I need to leave and-” she stopped, a jolt of horror stabbing her back. She had already revealed too much.

Kylo looked pleased at this slip up. “And where are you off to? If you won’t tell me, maybe I should just take a look for myself.”

Rey stood. “Try it,” she hissed, “and if you do I’ll find out what it is you truly fear about Hux.”

He scoffed, as if the notion of him being fearful of Hux was the most absurd premise in the entire universe.

“Will you let me show you my vision or not?” she pressed, getting impatient.

He cocked his head to the side, and if she didn’t know any better, she could have sworn she saw amusement cross his face. “Tonight,” he promised.

“Good.”

 

 

           

 

She dove into the small pool a few hours later, cleaning off the dried mud that had attached itself to her body that morning. She had even abandoned her wrappings, for she craved to scrub her figure free of the darkness that had coursed through her being a few days prior. It didn’t make much sense, but it comforted her knowing she could cleanse her entire physical body, as if that would make her soul pure once more.

She swam toward some of the smaller waterfalls, using her fingernails to claw her way up the wall of stone until she found a foothold. She used the Force to balance until she could stand on her own. She hopped to a different stepping-stone, careful not to slip on the slick rock. As she ducked under the falling waters, she sighed at the comfort of liquid hitting her back. If she closed her eyes she could pretend she was back at headquarters, in her usual ‘fresher.

Rey knew her body was mostly concealed by the forceful decent of the waterfall, so she was not as alarmed as she would have been when she began to feel Kylo poke into her consciousness.

He was early. Figures.

She saw him fade into view a few feet from her clothing. He stood by the edge of the pool, a good five yards away. When he caught a glimpse of her slick shoulders and drenched upper thigh, she could feel his surprise and discomfort and the darkness inside her thrived in it.

“I’ll come back later,” he said, and in that moment, through the shield of water, she was able to see a glimpse of the awkward, gangly boy he probably had been.

“No,” she said firmly. She wasn’t about to let him stall this any longer. She whipped out her hand and her wrapping surged into her grasp. She took a moment to bind her breasts, pelvis, and arms before she ungracefully jumped into the pool, only to reemerge moments later and swim towards him.

She noticed his face was twisted with a strange emotion as he watched her. Desire maybe, but it was more curious than that. It dawned on her that this was probably the most casual he had ever seen her.

She lifted herself onto the edge of the pool, thousands of droplets pouring off her figure. She reached up and began to tie her hair into her signature three buns. She looked at him from the corner of her eye and noticed he was staring at the stone wall as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

“Should we begin?” she questioned, when it didn’t seem like he was going to say anything.

He finally gave her a cursory glance. “Don’t you have some peasant clothes to cover yourself with?”

Oh, how the roles had reversed. She didn’t answer him, but she stretched for her outer layer and stood up to dress herself. When she had finished, she automatically reached her hand to him, not wanting to waste any more time.

He stared at her appendage, and she could feel his hesitance. This was promising. If he was apprehensive, that meant he doubted himself. There was still a part of him that longed to drift toward the Light.

A deal was a deal though, and eventually he removed his glove, and she laced her hand through his and tried not think about how nice it felt. She closed her eyes, took a breath in, and let what she had seen flow over him.

It was different being the one in control. The throne room appeared before them again, but this time she knew what would happen, and even though it had been three years since she had witnessed this vision, she remembered every single detail.

When the last Praetorian guard had fallen, she looked to him in confidence and told him it wasn’t too late to call off the attack. She felt his perplexity and his reluctance as he stared at his slain master, but then he watched her, and saw the hope in her eyes, and although he could not directly call off the attack without Hux discovering the truth about Snoke, the two fled down the elevator, out of the throne room.

The rest came in flashes, and although Rey knew the vision well, she wished she could have processed all that was happening a little quicker. She wanted to relive it with him, to watch him experience it with her by his side, but something told her he would anyway. When it was over and he came to again, he seemed muddled, fuming, and very fatigued.

He avoided her eye contact, and she let him, knowing how vulnerable she had been after seeing his future the other night. They stood in silence for a long time, only the sounds of the waterfalls keeping them company. After what felt like hours he finally turned.

“I don’t know why you thought that would change anything.”

She knew he was deflecting, that it wasn’t possible for him not to be affected in some way, but she couldn’t help the wave of disappointment that came over her. “It already has,” she told him miserably, not knowing quite what she meant by that.

His face hardened. “Didn’t you like what you saw? You could still have that if you became my apprentice. We could end this war.”

“Why won’t you admit that you still have the Light in you?” she asked, exasperated. “What are you so afraid of?”

“We’re going in circles,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Well, we’re both too stubborn to turn, at least from these visions alone,” she countered, letting the implication hang in the air.

He went quiet. And then, “I have a deal for _you_ this time.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Let me show you the Dark Side and in exchange…I will try some of your Light.”

Rey’s heart dropped. Was he actually offering to…? No. Leia had told her under no circumstance was she to let him teach her or to take some of his darkness. And yet…she was considering it. She may never have a chance like this again. She could feel his conflict churning inside him, and she wanted so desperately to turn him now, to redeem him, to find that boy she had seen blushing by the waterfall.

He reached out his hand to her again. This time it was gloved.

She stared at it, and then she took a deep breath. Stars, help her.

            She laced her fingers through his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated! Here is the illustration for this chapter. [ Rey Doll](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Rey-s-Doll-Force-Bond-Show-Me-the-Dark-Side-ch-3-783807952)


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as Finn and Poe landed in separate crafts the following morning, Rey rushed out to meet them, the Force beating around her as if it could feel her excitement. She embraced Finn, apologizing multiple times for the secrecy between them, but he shrugged it off, claiming he would never be able to understand ‘that Force stuff’ even if she _had_ taken the time to explain it to him.

“We aren’t traveling together?” Rey questioned Poe, after greetings were out of the way.

The General shook his head. At least for now it’s better if we aren’t grouped together. We won’t be as easy a target if we were to encounter the First Order.” He paused. “How was your stay?” he asked her with meaning.

Rey lifted her chin. “It was…informative.”

Poe nodded. He looked like he wanted to inquire for more details, but he was obviously holding back due to Finn’s presence. Finn himself looked back and forth between Rey and Poe, his expression indicating that he was utterly lost.

“You should load up your things,” Poe continued, nodding at Rey. “We’re making a stop on Tatooine.”

Rey raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Bargaining reasons. The Resistance needs some weaponry upgrades. Tatooine’s the best place for it if we don’t want to raise any eyebrows.” Poe gave her an understanding look when a skeptical expression crossed her face. “Trust me, I’d rather not go there either.”

“Where’s your stuff at, Rey?” Finn asked, looking wildly around for some form of shelter. She smiled at his antics and gestured to the cluster of rocks where she had been staying for the past week. Finn gave her a bewildered stare before shrugging and then offering to gather her items. Rey made to join him, but Poe placed a hand on her arm, holding her back.

“Have a minute?”

She blinked. “Sure.”

“So…I take it that you’ll be continuing the connection then?”

Rey nodded. “I’m not sure how helpful I can be in extracting information but…I think I’ve found a way to distract him from the Resistance, for now anyway.”

Poe seemed to think this over. “That’s good. Leia will be relieved to hear that.” He looked off to the side, in the direction of her X-Wing. “After we get what we need from Tatooine I’ll need to fly back to headquarters. Until you get further orders, you and Finn should continue searching for Force sensitive children. He mentioned something about Canto Bight. I think that could be a good place for you to restart.”

Rey frowned. “But if I’m with Finn how will-”

“Sorry, I meant search separately,” he clarified. “Finn and Rose may not be Force sensitive, but they’ve been able to catch wind of some potentially useful information. We’ll need them in and out of headquarters often, and with your current mission that obviously can’t apply to you.” Poe placed a hand on his chin. “They have a list of places you should visit. I can’t remember off the top of my head but Canto Bight was definitely on there. Maybe Coruscant…or Naboo.”

Sweat began to form on Rey’s forehead at the mention of the last world. Although she had never been, the visions she had seen the other night were so vivid and palpable that she might as well have. The thought of potentially going to a planet the Dark had showed her was unsettling, and a pit twisted in her stomach.

Poe thankfully didn’t catch on to her discomfort. He was distracted by Finn’s return, and after the latter had handed her the sack, the trio climbed into their individual ships and broke through the atmosphere.

 

 

            Tatooine’s climate made Jakku look like a lush paradise, and the inhabitants were no better. Alien species of every kind trudged through the course sands and oppressive heat of this lawless world. As the three rebels passed through one of the center marketplaces, Rey kept her eyes forward, knowing prolonged eye contact here could mean anything ranging from nefarious to downright violent.

She was never one for clever talk, and neither was Finn, so they let Poe take the lead that first day. Unfortunately, their success was lacking. Barely any of the thugs and hagglers they spoke with had the upgrades they were looking for, and the only promising site had been a stand owned by a Toydarian junk dealer by the name of Watto. The flying, blue, sluggish creature had laughed at the offer Poe had made him, and shooed them away without a chance for bargaining. Disheartened by their waste of a day, the group set up camp by their crafts far out from the marketplace where they wouldn’t be bothered.

“Well that was just awful,” Finn said, speaking for all of them as he laid out a blanket on the sand. “Maybe we could try somewhere else?”

“This is the largest market in Tatooine. If we can’t find business here, we can’t find it anywhere,” Poe replied, the frustration evident in his voice.

“We could split up tomorrow then. I’m no good at that haggling stuff, but we could at least see what else is out there,” Finn suggested.

Poe sighed. “It’s worth a shot. Leia won’t be pleased if we can’t come back with at least _something_ to show for the effort.”

Rey remained silent. Not because she had no interest in the conversation, but because she could feel the familiarity of the vacuum in the back of her mind. She couldn’t very well just wander off without an explanation, so she forced the sensation away until the two men had settled in for the night.

When she was absolutely positive they were both asleep on their blankets, Rey rose from her own and padded half a mile away, pausing at a large dust colored boulder where she wouldn’t be so out in the open.

She took a moment to collect herself before she tapped into their connection. She could feel his irritation at having been kept waiting, but right now she was too exhausted to care.

The strange thing was, that irritation turned into anger, and it wasn’t directed at her. In fact, he wasn’t even paying attention to her. Someone was in front of him, and they were afraid. Kylo’s lightsaber was drawn, its blade blossoming with Hellfire. She heard the person cowering before him begging for his life, his voice a hysterical sob.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/168737032@N02/47273005261/in/dateposted-public/)

She didn’t know who it was. A commoner, perhaps, or maybe a thief who had been foolish enough to try and steal from the First Order. It didn’t matter though, not when the scene in front of her was about to become violent. Rey didn’t want to see Kylo strike this man down, but she also saw an opportunity.

“Let him go,” she ordered, and she knew he had heard her. She could feel his grip tightening on the hilt of his saber. His teeth grounded tightly together. “Ben,” she said, carefully but firmly, “let him go.”

He wanted to ignore her. She could tell he wanted to scream at her to stay out of this, but she could feel his hesitation as he remembered the deal they had made. She used his confusion as her way to filter some of her Light into him. At first, it met resistance when it reached him, but finally, he accepted some of it.

He extinguished the blade of his lightsaber and turned around, leaving the man to sob in relief. As Kylo moved away she felt him smash something in his frustration. She knew bruises were already forming on his knuckles.

He was too angry to talk to her anymore that night, and she didn’t blame him. To her knowledge, Kylo Ren had probably never spared anyone who had wronged him before, other than her of course. She drew away from their connection with a feeling of satisfaction, despite their minimal communication. He had willingly taken some of her Light. This was progress.

The next morning the rebel group split up like they had planned. Poe went to another more central market, while Finn went to inspect some of the bargaining areas on the outer rim. Rey stayed behind, intent on going back to this Watto character to see if she could strike a deal.

She felt Kylo walking with her in her mind as she made her way through the marketplace. Clearly he wanted to make up for their lost time last night. Instead of demanding she pay attention to him however, he just lingered there, curious to feel what she was doing. She certainly didn’t want to attend to Resistance matters while he was present, but something as mundane as trying to get upgrades could have applied to an every day task, not necessarily an act used solely for the purpose of war.

Rey found Watto’s stand and eyed some of the parts Poe had been trying to buy yesterday. The junk dealer was nowhere to be found, however, so Rey decided to venture inwards to his rusty, metal shop. Once inside, she heard the buzzing of his wings, and she pounded her fist against the archway of the door to get his attention.

When he spun around and saw her, he spat something in a language she didn’t understand, but it sounded like a curse. “Go away, dirt girl,” he rasped. “Didn’t you hear? Dirt scum like you can’t afford bantha fodder around here.”

“I thought we might be able to come to an agreement,” Rey said, ignoring his insults. “I really need an upgrade for my craft, and I’m sure if I could-”

“You deaf, girl? Get out! Putrid, dirty creature. I won’t do business. I won’t!”

Rey clenched her teeth. He was wasting her time. She needed this for Poe and she wasn’t leaving empty-handed.

“Use the Force,” Kylo instructed her, his presence pressing against her mind. “Take what you need.”

“No. I won’t. It’s wrong.” She watched Watto as he turned around, clearly dismissing her; unaware of the mental conversation she was having behind his back.

“You will. You promised you would try.”

She had. He was right. He had tried last night and now it was her turn…and besides, she really did need those upgrades.

She moved forward then, determined, and at her approaching footsteps Watto turned around again, his face darkening with outrage. “I thought I told you-”

“You will allow me to take the parts I need and leave without paying.”

It was easy, too easy. His mind was weak and it caved underneath her, practically begging to be controlled. His spine straightened and his eyes took on a faraway look.

“I will allow you to take the parts you need and leave without paying.”

She moved around the shop to collect what she needed and even some things she didn’t, just in case. She could sense how pleased Kylo was with her obedience. She pushed him out forcefully, mostly because she was angry with herself for doing something so immoral. She left as soon as she had finished, meeting up with Finn and Poe later in the day.

Finn beamed when he saw the satchel she carried. “Nice work, Rey!”

Poe whistled lowly in appreciation. “Remind me to take you with me next time I need to talk my way out of a fix.”

Rey smiled weakly, finding she couldn’t trust her voice in that moment.

 

 

            That night she parted ways with Finn and Poe once more; each of them had their separate missions after all. Despite all that was going on, Rey was happy to have seen them. Her friends were what gave her the hope she needed to keep fighting.

After they had said their goodbyes, Rey took off in her X-Wing, her course set for Canto Bight. She landed her craft well outside the large city, where a cover of dark rock-which bordered the planet’s artificial ocean-concealed it. After she had eaten a ration Poe had given her for her journey, Rey stretched her muscles and took out one of the Jedi texts. It was too late to try and search for a Force sensitive child tonight, but perhaps she could prepare herself for tomorrow.

She meditated for a bit and then began her routine of practicing poses. She wasn’t about to take out her lightsaber, not when she was trying to remain inconspicuous, so she did her best without it. She removed her shoes, finding it easier to balance the more challenging positions without them.

Rey could feel his eyes on her, as he often did when he sensed she was training. The thought of his eyes roaming over her body almost made her trip up, and she caught herself before she could fall, blushing with embarrassment at her clumsiness.

“Here.”

He was suddenly behind her, a gloved hand on her lower back and the other reaching out to adjust her arm. Her head snapped up to his indignantly, but he seemed unfazed.

“W-what are you-”

“I’m teaching you.”

She stepped back from him. “I’m following the poses in the texts exactly. What makes you think you can show me something different?”

His face set in a hard line. “The Jedi texts are long outdated. While they are based in knowledge, they abstain from too much that could be helpful.”

Rey wouldn’t dare admit that she had often thought the same thing. The teachings of Jedi, especially in written form were unclear and incredibly infuriating to decipher on her own. Oh, how she wished, not for the first time, that Master Luke had just agreed to train her in the traditional way.

Maybe that was why when Kylo moved towards her again, putting his hands on her in the same way as before, she didn’t resist. Every now and then she would move one way and he would make his adjustments before he allowed her to continue. She didn’t like relinquishing her control to him, but she began to realize his corrections were actually making the poses much easier to complete. He stepped back after a while, watching as she made the motions on her own.

“Good,” he said, and she could feel his satisfaction flowing into her body.

Rey nodded, smiling hesitantly. This wasn’t so bad. He was just correcting her poses. There was nothing Dark about this.

“Do you think I will have to take into account the double blade of my lightsaber?” she asked, and his lips twitched. He was hungry for her to look to him for guidance.

“You’ve used a staff before, correct? It shouldn’t be so different.”

She nodded, gazing off to the side.

“I should get some rest,” she said. When he didn’t answer, she turned, and she noticed his staring. “What?”

She felt him come up to her and she lowered her eyebrows in suspicion. He lifted a hand and reached up to wipe a smudge of dirt off of her cheek. His other fingers gripped the back of her head gently as the pad of his clothed thumb moved over her skin like a brush stroke. She stared back at him with wide eyes, not quite sure what to think about the intimate gesture.

“Sleep well, Jedi,” he said, the last word spoken with some mirth, before he disappeared, and she was left feeling cold.

That night Luke visited her in her dreams. She could tell he had deliberately sought her out, and she was ready for him.

“Master Luke,” she said, bowing with a welcome smile on her face. “I’m glad to-”

“What are you doing, Rey?” he asked, his tone lacking its usual sardonic manner.

She frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I mean.” He came forward, his robes ruffling a bit as he walked. “You’re allowing him to train you.”

Rey stuttered. “Well, y-yes. I just thought-”

“Have you forgotten the promise you’ve made to Leia?”

Rey’s face hardened. “She told me to see if her son was still there. This is the best way to find out.”

Luke’s eyebrows furrowed. “I know my sister. She might wish to know if Ben can still be saved, but she knows the needs of the Resistance and the Republic come first.”

“The Republic has _always_ come before him,” she heard herself say, surprised at how much bitterness had latched onto her tongue.

Luke regarded her with mild surprise and some suspicion. “You’ve taken some of his darkness.” It wasn’t a question.

“We’ve made a deal, as I’m sure you saw.”

“Rey-”

“I know what I’m doing,” she said, and straightened, looking at him determinedly. “I promise.”

Luke just nodded. “As you say.”

Rey woke up the next morning feeling hurt and disgruntled with the wariness of her former master. Yes, she knew she had gone against Leia’s wishes, but the Dark she had taken from Kylo had been so slight that it had not even made an impression on her mind. As for the training, well, her form _was_ getting better wasn’t it? He was practically training her to fight against the First Order at this point!

She could handle it. She hadn’t been tempted by the darkness on Ahch-To; she wouldn’t be tempted now.

 Once she had calmed herself, Rey tapped into the Force to try and find the signature of the child that was allegedly somewhere in Canto Bight. As soon as she had reached a meditative state, she was able to sense something. Someone was definitely here, and she would find him or her.

Rey ventured into the city, making sure to conceal her saber beneath her tunic while she did. The signature was hard to follow, it ebbed and flowed depending on where she walked. She would have tried meditating again, but she figured it would have drawn attention if she were to sit down with her legs crossed in the middle of the city’s luxurious street paths. So she did her best to just trust in the Force and follow it to where she thought this child was.

Even though the city was the most glamorous place she had ever been-quite the culture shock from Tatooine-she found herself in a shabby back alley where small creatures of all different species feasted on the scrapings of food left behind by citizens. Some of the creatures sprung away as small footsteps echoed down the alley. Rey peered into the darkness, but found she didn’t need to for long. Within moments a small brunette boy, probably between the ages of 7 and 9 approached her. He stopped in his tracks when he saw her, his eyes wide. The Force thrummed within her, and she knew at once he was the one she had been looking for. His Force signature was strong; she had never been able to track down a child this easily before.

“Hello,” Rey said cautiously, not wanting to spook the child. “What’s your name?”

“Tamar,” the boy responded slowly, taking the time to inspect Rey. “You…you’re strong with the Force…aren’t you?”

Rey smiled. “How can you tell?”

“I can feel it,” he explained. “I felt it pull. It led me here.”

Rey crouched down so she was eye-level with the boy. “I’m from the Resistance,” she told him, “and I’ve been searching for children who are Force sensitive like you, to protect you from the First Order.”

The boy’s eyes widened and he rifled for something in his worn jacket until he pulled out a peace of dirty cloth with the Resistance insignia on it. “This Resistance?” he asked.

Rey’s smile grew. “The very same.”

She would have liked to talk to him more, but their small moment was abruptly shattered by screams and then the sound of laser fire. Rey instinctively stood up and moved toward the boy, looking around wildly. Her eyes flew to the sky and what she saw made her heart drop.

The Star Destroyer.

No. He couldn’t have followed her here. He wouldn’t have. He didn’t even have the capability to see her surroundings. Rey’s fear subsided a bit when she remembered the child. His Force signature was strong, after all. Perhaps Kylo had sensed it as well. Either way, that didn’t make them any less in peril.

“Where are your parents?” Rey asked, the urgency prevalent in her voice.

Tamar’s voice shook with fear, his eyes widening until they were the size of saucers. “D-D-don’t got a-a-any.”

“Come with me then,” Rey pleaded. “I’ll keep you safe. I promise.”

The boy didn’t have much of a choice anyway, for at that moment a great weight struck the ground, causing it to tremble, and Rey knew the Star Destroyer had landed.

They ran through the streets, dodging people in ridiculous hairstyles and expensive, impractical clothing. Rey kept the boy close beside her, but he was a fast runner, so he practically matched her pace stride for stride. She skidded to a halt and changed direction when she saw Stormtroopers in the distance, clearly from separate crafts that had landed well before the Destroyer.

Her head suddenly felt like it was going to split into two. Kylo Ren was close, the closest he had been since Crait. Her heart pounded at the thought of seeing him in person again.

“Rey,” he whispered in her mind, and she felt his voice hitch in surprise. So he hadn’t known she was here after all. Her suspicions about him looking for the boy must have been right. This somehow selfishly gave her more comfort than the alternative.

She was too frantic to answer him though. She needed to get Tamar out now.

“We should head to the outer bank,” she yelled to him over the sounds of screams. “I have an X-Wing there, we can-augh!”

In her distraction a laser from one of the Stormtroopers bit into her shoulder, causing her to lurch forward onto the ground. The fire from her wound burned, but not as much as the insane rage that swiftly came over Kylo as he felt her go down. She could sense him from wherever he was on the ground. She felt him whip out his gloved hand toward the Stormtrooper who had shot her. At once the Trooper’s neck snapped from the Force and he crumpled, the life snubbed out of him like a pinch to a lit match.

“Lady, lady! Please get up!” Tamar begged, pulling at her tunic. Rey gritted her teeth and pushed through the pain, knowing the longer she put it off the more likely it was for her and Tamar to be captured or killed.

She finally rose, and the two used the shadows of various buildings for cover until they finally made a break for the artificial ocean. As soon as the X-Wing was in sight, Rey reached out with her hand and used the Force to open the craft, lifting the boy up and then getting in beside him. When the X-Wing lifted off and eventually broke the atmosphere, Rey found herself wondering why the escape had felt so easy. And then she had her answer.

“I won’t let you go again.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm, when are they going to meet face to face? All good things come to those who wait. :) Here's this chapter's illustration. [ Rey Vision of Kylo Ren ](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Rey-Vision-of-Kylo-Ren-783939308)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter is where the rating starts to apply.

            Rey took Tamar to Yavin 4 where she knew members of the Resistance were. This was the first time in almost two weeks since she had been to a rebel base, and it felt good to be surrounded by people from her side again. She said her goodbyes to Tamar, knowing he would be transported safely to headquarters so he could be with the other Force sensitive children.

She spent the next few days resting and recuperating. She was given bacta patches for the wound on the back of her shoulder, and she made sure to apply a new one every day as instructed. When she tried to practice her poses once, she found she could barely lift her saber, and opted to spend the next week or so on Yavin before she went out to look for more Force signatures.

The feeling of being in a ‘fresher again was absolutely delightful. Sure, she had been able to get a few good showers on the ocean planet, but this was a whole other animal. She made sure to take the extra time to scrub the dirt that had plastered itself under her nails and in her scalp.

To keep busy during the day, Rey often interacted with her comrades on base or took the time to explore the area. Before she had met the Resistance, all she had known was Jakku, so having been to so many different planets in such short of a time was a bit overwhelming.

A week had passed when she discovered she hadn’t sensed Kylo at all. It was partly her fault; she hadn’t exactly been trying to communicate with him. Then again, she was on medical rest and didn’t want to strain herself. By now though, her shoulder had almost completely healed thanks to the bacta patches, and she was ready to connect their minds again.

When she was able to find some time to herself, Rey swept out a clean space on her floor and sat down with her legs crossed. She straightened her spine and closed her eyes. Then, she reached out tentatively. She wasn’t sure why he hadn’t contacted her, and to be honest, she was becoming nervous. Had something happened to him in Canto Bight?

After a few moments of searching though, she was able to detect his presence. His mind was calm and virtually untroubled, which was so unexpected and abnormal of him that Rey knew at once he must be asleep. She paused, turning over the possibilities in her head. His defenses were down, so she could take this opportunity to search for information for the Resistance. She might be able to find out for certain if Hux was planning a mutiny. She had heard around headquarters once that it was Hux, not Kylo, who held the military’s loyalty. Then again, Kylo had the Knights of Ren on his side. Hux wouldn’t dare challenge him with so many Force sensitive warriors at his side.

A thought occurred to Rey just then. Did Hux and the Knights of Ren know that Kylo himself had killed Snoke? She doubted it. If there was one thing that could break the Knights’ loyalty, then that probably would have been it. But maybe Hux already didn’t trust Kylo. Maybe he could sense that his Supreme Leader had a soft spot for Rey, or that the Light still intrigued him…

Rey made up her mind. She was doing this. She would slip into his mind so quickly and stealthily; he wouldn’t even know she was there. She breathed in and out, focusing all of her attention on him. After a few moments he appeared before her eyes, lying horizontally on his side. Due to the bond it appeared as if he were lying on the floor, although she doubted this was the case. What took her by surprise though was the peaceful nature of his features. She had seen him like this only once before, and that was only because she had awoken first in the throne room.

Rey knew that people often said humans looked like angels when they were sleeping. Kylo was certainly no angel, not even close, but there was something about the relaxation of him that made his physical qualities more appealing. She had heard Rose talk about boys often enough to know that he wasn’t attractive in the conventional sense. His features were too prominent; his lips too startling of a contrast against his white skin. No, he wasn’t an angel, but he certainly didn’t look like a monster.

 _But he is a monster_ , she thought to herself, albeit with less conviction than when she had hissed it on Ahch-To.

She knelt delicately beside him, her eyes roaming over his face. She took a deep breath and then moved her hand over his head, making sure her fingertips didn’t accidently graze his cheek. She made sure to center herself and then, without another moment’s hesitation, she dove into his subconscious.

Leafing through his mind while he slept was far different from when he was awake. His thoughts were jumbled and muddled here. It felt like she was tumbling through waves of black tar. She choked on the pressure, trying not to become panicked in case her intense emotions woke him from his slumber. She discovered the more she calmed the more clearly her surroundings became. When she felt her feet land on solid ground, she knew she had succeeded. The walls surrounding her did not even have to fully transform for her to know where she was. She would remember this place anywhere. It wouldn’t leave her alone.

The throne room. Immediately after she had left. He had blamed Snoke’s death on her-which to be honest, she was surprised she hadn’t come to that conclusion earlier. He had also choked Hux out when the redhead thought to throw his name in the ring for Supreme Leader. Then there were other flashes of memories…his fury at Luke’s words on Crait…his despair when she had severed their connection. Rey swallowed, choosing to move away from these particular memories and instead focus on the ones that starred Hux.

Well, they didn’t get along or respect each other; that much was certain. She was able to deduce that Kylo required Hux for the military’s loyalty, and Hux certainly wasn’t menacing enough on his own to lead an empire that thrived on fear. They needed each other, at least for now. The notion would have been sweet if it weren’t so sickening.

Even with their unhealthy alliance, however, Hux was growing impatient. Rey could tell he didn’t believe Kylo’s explanations. He didn’t think ‘that filthy scavenger’ was strong enough to slay Snoke, and the Praetorian guards _and_ subdue Kylo Ren all on her own. She had to have had help. And Kylo was the only one left alive.

She saw how Kylo had stormed in on Hux once, in a murderous rage. Hux had launched another attack without his approval; he had apparently been doing that a lot recently. She discovered the most recent attack on the Resistance squadron had actually been Hux’s doing, not Kylo’s. Interesting. So the mighty Supreme Leader was losing his grasp on those under him.

Rey knew Kylo expected Hux to eventually revolt; she could see it written all over his thoughts. But the Admiral still had his uses. If he could just get his trigger-happy habit under control…

The memories and thoughts of Hux ended here. Apparently Kylo didn’t waste energy on him when he didn’t need to. Instead his thoughts were redirected to places Rey had trouble following.

Some of them were memories of him as a child. She knew it was him because he looked virtually the same, except for shorter hair, gangly limbs, and a nose and ears that stood out even more so on his head. He was listening to his parents argue, one large ear pressed against the door, his bottom lip quivering. Someone was saying something was wrong with him. She recognized Han’s voice.

The memories swiftly redirected to a younger Luke, who was giving him instructions on how to find balance with the Force. Young Ben was trying to follow his uncle, but there was a part of him that thought this was a waste of time. That the voice whispering things in his ear was infinitely more helpful and more confident in his abilities than Luke would ever be.

Another flash and she was in a forest, staring at herself. By the look of utter terror in her own eyes, Rey knew this was the first time she and Kylo had met. At the time she had been so afraid of him in that lifeless mask that she remembered being somewhat relieved when he had finally removed it for her, revealing a relatively normal looking man.

There were more flashes of her then, mostly training, sometimes sleeping, sometimes alone. It flashed to her tears on Ahch-To, right after she had come back from the cave with answers she didn’t want to validate. Then it morphed to her disappointed look in the throne room, the disbelief from his decisions mixing with the wetness on her cheeks.

Many of the flashes were of her, most recently on the ocean planet. He thought about her in her wrappings a lot. The sweat pouring off her body as he yearned to stand behind her, to teach her what he knew of the Force. He recalled how right it felt to have his hands on her, adjusting her movements, tracing down her skin.

Her bare, wet body from the waterfall was especially a prominent memory in his mind. She could feel how flustered he had been at the time, how he didn’t understand why she was so blasé with the situation. The glimpses he had gotten of her were few and fleeting, but he had seen more than he ever thought he would.

There were other memories that caught her by surprise, but they were so unfamiliar and…and so…so _different_ than anything she had ever experienced that she discovered fairly quickly these weren’t memories at all. These were fantasies.

She knew he thought about her in this way to some extent. He so desired her power, her strength, and she could tell by the way he stared that those desires also extended to her physical body. That being said, knowing something and watching it through his eyes were two completely different things.

Rey wasn’t naïve, but she wasn’t experienced either. How could she have been? She had been bound to Jakku all her life, and when she finally left, she had been thrown into a war. There hadn’t been much time for much else and besides, she didn’t have anyone to think about in that way.

Clearly the same couldn’t be said for him.

He often thought about what he would do to her in great detail. He thought about slipping his bare hands under her bindings, sucking on her throat, sliding his fingers into her. He would force her head up to look at him and she would be fiery and resistant at first, but the darkness would overtake her and soon she would be moving on him, her tongue tangling with his.

What surprised her the most about these fantasies was that he thought of her as being quite vocal. That part itself didn’t perplex her, but it was the fact that in her want she kept calling his name. His _real_ name.

The images also intrigued Rey to some extent because she was watching this version of herself that didn’t exist. This wasn’t her. She wasn’t this minx that needed to be tamed. Sure, she had heard of some of these acts before, but this image of her seemed to know how to please him in ways that Rey didn’t even know existed. Did he really want her this badly? To have her moan in his mouth and to have him taste her and move down on him and-

Kylo’s hand clamped around her wrist, and she was jolted back into reality. Rey released an alarmed gasp, only now realizing how deeply she had gone into his psyche. She was viciously shoved backwards with the Force and she tumbled across her room, the opposite wall catching her with a rough thud.

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice that?” he asked so faintly that she knew this quiet rage was the angriest she had ever seen him…and was far more terrifying than his usual explosions.

“I-I-I didn’t meant to go that far,” she admitted, knowing this was as close to an apology as she was going to give him. He stood up and she rose to her feet as well, her hand falling to her belt in case she needed her saber.

The muscles in his face were wound so tightly she thought they might snap. “Let’s see how you like it when your mind is violated.” He raised his hand.

“No!” she spat, using the Force to shove him out before he had even scraped the surface. “You’ve already violated me. You went to my home planet, you-you defiled my parents’ graves!” Her eyes were wet. “You’re sick! What I saw just now was nothing compared to that.” She paused, recalling a memory she had seen, about the crying boy whose parents thought was diseased.  “There’s something wrong with you.” And she said it in the way Han had.

She knew he had snapped, mostly because a moment later she was choking. She had never been choked with the Force before, and so when it happened it took her a few seconds to recognize it. She was lifted off the ground from the strength of it, and she grasped her throat wildly, searching for relief. Kylo’s eyes were dark, and he seemed to have lost himself in his rage. Was this the same man who had ended the life of a Stormtrooper for shooting at her? The same man who defied his master and slain him instead of her?

Control, she realized. That’s what this punishment was about. In his eyes, she was his apprentice. She had agreed to let him teach her after all, and this was what was expected for defying him. How many times had he been on the receiving end of this strangulation?

Well, she was not going to be like him in this regard.

She summoned the Force and directed all her power towards the thing that was making her squirm and gasp. She harnessed the energy from within herself, drew all her focus and then-

She broke his hand.

He roared in pain, clutching the appendage that had been holding her. She instantly fell to her knees, gasping and drawing sweet air into her lungs. He yelled in fury, cradling his mess of a hand and she glared up at him, her eyes burning and her chin wet with saliva.

“That will be the last time you do that to me,” she rasped, and then ended the connection.

 

 

            Several more days passed and still Rey hadn’t left Yavin 4. She knew she should be out searching for more Force sensitive children, but her last interaction with Kylo felt like it was poisoning her mind.

Everything about the connection following her snooping was venomous, but what disturbed her the most was that it had been her instinctual reaction to shatter his hand.

As much as she hated to admit it, there was a bit of darkness in her. Granted it was feeble and weak, but it was there. She had been so furious with him she had purposefully manipulated what she had seen, and then punished him for his reaction. Then again, there was no excuse for him to use the Force on her like that, even in his moment of weakness. They were beyond such things.

Perhaps that was why on the fifth day of silence, he reopened their connection. She sensed his signature while she sat on her bed, skimming over the Jedi texts for what felt like the thousandth time.

“Rey,” he said, and she lifted her head. He stood awkwardly by the side of her bunk, and her eyes flickered down to his right hand, which was heavily bandaged with bacta patches. She wondered how he had explained his injury to Hux.

“I didn’t think you would want to speak with me,” she said, careful to keep her voice neutral. Even so, she sensed something had shifted in their relationship. Something stirred within him as he regarded her. It felt like…respect?

She watched him swallow heavily. “I shouldn’t have used the Force on you.”

Her eyes widened at that. She couldn’t lie; she was flabbergasted. Kylo Ren had not only basically apologized to her, but he regretted using the Force on her. Not just the Force choke. The Force as a whole. So he too was willing to acknowledge their relationship had altered in some way. They were no longer just enemies. They hadn’t been for a while, now that she thought about it.

“I went to Jakku hoping to find some trace of you,” he continued, and she couldn’t believe he was telling her this. It was like he felt he owed her an explanation for what he had done.

“And…my parents?” she asked, her voice wavering despite her attempts to hold it steady.

“What I did was justice for what they’ve done to you.”

Blood pounded in Rey’s ears. So it hadn’t been some needlessly malicious act. Oh it was still repulsive, and terrible and so absolutely disturbing…but it had also been his misguided way to avenge the life that was forced upon her. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

Nonetheless, she cleared her throat. “I shouldn’t have violated your mind,” she amended, thinking it only fair. “Or broke your hand,” she added after a pause.

“I didn’t know you had it in you, to be honest.”

Rey didn’t know why, but for some reason that was the funniest thing she had heard in a long time. Her laughter spilled out of her, and as she drew in her next breath, she snorted. Actually _snorted_. Kylo watched her with this bewildered expression on his face, which only made her laugh harder. Maybe part of her was relieved that they had put the violence of their last interaction behind them. At least that’s what she told herself. Stars, she was losing her mind.

She wiped her tears after she had collected herself and noticed he was still watching her in that way. “What?” she questioned, starting to become self-conscious.

He shook his head. “Your laughter.” As if that were enough of an explanation.

She scooted to the edge of her bed. “Yes, well, I’m sure you didn’t come here just to beg for my forgiveness.” The corner of her mouth turned up when he shot her an indignant look. “So why have you come?”

He unconsciously twitched his injured fingers. “I thought we could train more today.”

Rey raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure you can instruct me in your condition?” She sent a nod down to his bandaged hand.

He scowled. “This is mostly for show. It’s practically healed, but I’m appeasing the med-droids.”

Something about the image of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren being scolded by a med-droid was absolutely hysterical, and Rey had to cover her mouth with her hand to avoid laughing again.

“What about you?” he inquired suddenly, and she became puzzled.

“What do you mean?”

“Your shoulder.” He reached down, and she felt his other hand glide over the back of her shoulder. She subconsciously rubbed her forearm to tamper down the sudden gooseflesh there.

“It’s fine. It’s healed up nicely.” She paused. “But to tell you the truth I don’t feel like practicing poses today.” She leaned against the wall of her bunk, bringing her legs up to cross them in an X.

“Oh?” He remained standing, barely having moved since his arrival.

“I’ve been reading the Jedi texts, and I was actually hoping you could decipher something for me.”

Kylo frowned. “I’ve already told you those texts are useless.”

“No, you said they were based in knowledge. That’s not completely useless,” she countered, picking up a book and opening it. “Just take a look, will you?” She shifted over to make room for him as she would have for Finn, but when she glanced up she realized the gesture clearly wasn’t meaningless.

He seemed uncomfortable, and Rey could venture why. She had seen deep inside his mind after all, and he knew she had, but as far as she could tell this was just an opportunity to study the Jedi texts. So, brushing all thoughts of discomfort from her mind, she patted the bed firmly, and after looking like he was about to object for a few seconds, he finally sat down at the very edge.

She handed him the text and pointed to the section she had been reading. He frowned thoughtfully as he examined it, his eyebrows furrowing in concentration. He had this quiet, studious look about him, and Rey wondered if this was how he had looked ten years ago when he was a Padawan.

“I don’t understand what’s confusing about this,” he grumbled after a while.

She huffed. “There’s a contradiction here.” She leaned over to point to the line she was referring to. “It says a Jedi must not form attachments, but a Jedi can use his or her attachments as a way to balance the Light and Dark.” She pursed her lips. “Maybe I just don’t know what it means by attachments.”

“The Jedi always have pompous, convoluted ways to say things that can easily be explained in simpler terms,” Kylo said with distain. “It’s saying do not intentionally seek things that can ground you. Children, marriage,” he cleared his throat, “carnal pleasures…but the connections you make, whether they are spiritual or emotional, can be used to achieve inner peace.”

Rey regarded him with surprise; she hadn’t expected him to be so perceptive. “Well…thank you. For explaining that to me, I mean.” She took the book back from him and rapidly flipped through the pages. “It would be nice if these came with footnotes that were a little more blunt.”

Kylo hesitated. “Maybe not in that one but…” he picked up a smaller brown book, and carefully flipped to the back. Rey watched him curiously, having no idea what he was up to. He finally stopped toward the very end of the book where several pages appeared as if they were about to fall out of the binding. His fingers ran over the beautiful calligraphy written there, and then something dawned on Rey.

“Is that…your handwriting?”

“Yes.”

Rey’s mouth opened in shock. “It’s…pristine. I just assumed it was part of the text itself.”

Kylo snorted. “Then you clearly haven’t been doing more than skimming the texts. My handwritten comments were mostly to complain about the ambiguity of the Jedi teachings.”

“Huh.”

They fell into a comfortable silence. It was…unexpectedly pleasant. So of course, Rey had to chance that.

“Would you mind if I filtered some of my Light into you?”

Kylo’s face twisted into a hostile mask. “That hardly seems fair, considering you refused to let me train you today.”

“We could tomorrow if you like,” she suggested. “I just figured, after last time,” she coughed, “our minds aren’t exactly synched right now. There’s unrest there, and I know you can feel it too.” She glanced down at her hands. “I thought it might be worth it to try.”

She chanced a glance up at him and saw how apprehensive he was. This was to be expected. He didn’t entirely trust her with his mind, and he had good reason. A part of Rey wondered why he hadn’t ever tried something similar on her. She had seen him watching her sleep many times, based on the visions. Perhaps he had just never rustled up the nerve.

“Alright,” he said at last, “but on my terms.” He was so utterly predictable. “And not right now. I have business to attend to.” The statement was kept purposefully vague.

“When then?”

“Tonight.”

“Okay.” She found that she was excited. She had never directly given him her Light before with his consent, and the fact that he was agreeing to it now before she trained with him again was extraordinarily promising.

He had that bewildered expression on his face again, and it took her a second to realize she was smiling brightly at him. She toned it down a bit, not wanting to scare him to death.

“Tonight then,” she affirmed.

“Yes.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for kudos and feedback! The more I get the faster I'll post! :)

            After dinner Rey was told she had received a transmission. She was placed in front of a screen and before she was able to process anything, Poe’s charming face blinked in front of her. He gave her a dashing smile.

“Rey, it’s good to see your face.”

Rey returned his smile, finding it was hard not to. “It’s good to see you too.”

“Glad to be socializing with others again?”

Rey raised an eyebrow. “I suppose. Are you sure it’s safe for me to stay here? I won’t be putting anyone at risk?”

“That depends where they have you placed.”

“I’m two hundred miles south of the main base. They have me in one of the smaller medical units for when I injured my shoulder.”

Poe nodded. “That should be fine then.”

Rey cocked her head to the side. “Not that I don’t enjoy our conversations, but did you have something for me?”

“Right. Finn and I are coming to scoop you up again in a couple of days. We need your help with something on Coruscant. Leia also wants to speak with you in person, and since you’re not allowed at headquarters, she’ll be meeting us there,” he explained.

“Does Leia need something from me?”

“I think she just wants to hear about your progress. We have two months to prepare for this ceremony, so she wants to make sure you’ve got the whole Force Bond situation under control.” He paused. “Speaking of which, were you able to find any information through Ren?”

Rey’s face twisted. “I tried. It didn’t go well.”

Poe scratched his chin thoughtfully. “Right. You mentioned that might happen. Well, we’ll see you in a few days then. Stay safe, Rey. May the Force be with you.”

“May the Force be with you.”

After the transmission ended Rey released a long breath, taking a moment to decompress. She hated not telling Poe the whole truth about her sessions with Kylo, but how could she? She was absolutely certain he would be appalled if she told him she had fallen under Kylo’s tutelage for the sake of distraction. Well, it wasn’t like it was a one-way street. He was going to accept some of her Light in return.

“Kriff,” Rey swore when she realized how late it was. She hustled back to her chamber, mentally chastising herself. She knew it had taken a lot for Kylo to agree to this, and it’s not like he was a patient man.

As soon as she locked the door to her chamber, she searched for him through the Force and he materialized across from her, this time already sitting on the edge of her bed.

“Well, you’ve made yourself right at home,” she commented dryly.

He frowned. “What are you on about? I’m just sitting.”

That was right. He still couldn’t see her surroundings. She wondered if he even really knew he had been sitting on her bed earlier in the day.

Dismissing those irrelevant thoughts from her head, Rey sat next to him and turned to face him. “Let me just start by saying I have no intention to peek inside your mind.”

He regarded her skeptically. “I’ll know if you do.”

“Yes, I realize.” She glanced down at her hands, wondering why she felt shy all of a sudden. “In order for this to work, I’ve thought of something. We could take turns sharing a memory, one we’ve specially selected for the other to see,” she made sure to add this when he looked like he was about to object. “It can be of anything, no matter how dull, as long as you can feel the Light through that memory.” She cleared her throat. “I’ll go first,” she offered.

He nodded curtly.

Without further delay she took his hand, and then, pinching the tip of his glove, she pulled it off his hand. She felt his forearm stiffen under her and she could understand why. There was something unexpectedly intimate about her removing his accessory.

“Okay,” she murmured, her eyes briefly flickering up to meet his in preparation. “Okay.”

She closed her eyes and let him feel her. The memory washed over them.

She was a little girl, about 10, stuck in the old AT-AT that she had called home. The tips of her fingers were bloody, and she had two different colored pieces of cloth sprawled all around her. One was a vibrant orange, the other a dirty off-white. She kept pricking herself, hence the bloody fingers, but she kept at her task, knowing that once she was finished, she would have her very own pilot doll.

The vision faded and they were back in her room, her hand clutching Kylo’s.

“See?” she said, smiling encouragingly. “There’s nothing to get angry about.”

He scoffed at that.

She nodded to him. “It’s your turn.”

Kylo stared down at their hands, appearing uncertain as he subconsciously tangled her smaller fingers with his own. After about a minute, a soft, white light enveloped them, and Rey knew he had chosen his memory.

He was thirteen and in a place she didn’t recognize. The grass was long and yellow, and he sat under a great tree with orange leaves. She knew it was him the moment she saw him because of his ears. They stuck out far from his head, and were especially obvious with his shorter hair. He was writing in a notebook and Rey crouched down next to him to get a better look. She soon discovered that he wasn’t writing at all, but drawing.

He was really quite talented artistically. The lush forest that burst from the tip of his pencil was so realistic that Rey could have sworn she had been there before. If she didn’t know better, she would have said he was drawing Takodana.

She could feel how content Ben was, sitting alone under this tree, the wind gently rustling his sand colored clothing. It was the first time she had seen him dress in something other than black.

Rey took this moment to pour some of her Light into him, knowing that the feeling of it was extremely pleasant based on past experiences. When she had finished, she realized it was her turn again.

The next thing she showed him was when she had won her first fight. She was about fourteen, and some older, larger thief had stolen a half-portion from her that had taken her days to earn. In the past she would have just gone quietly without a fight, too afraid to stand up for herself. Not this time. She had been visiting low-scale fighting rings and had studied the tactics of offensive attacks and evasive maneuvers. So when the portion was snatched out of her grasp that day, she knew exactly where to hit this man.

A jab to the neck, a turn and an elbow to the gut. He went down and she reclaimed her portion, spitting at the thief as she had often seen the winners of the fighting matches do.

She could feel Kylo’s amusement through their bond. He thought she was something else. The unspoken words gave her a funny feeling in her stomach.

It was back to him now, and this time he showed her when he had set a trap for C-3P0 when he was eleven. It wasn’t malicious by any means; in fact it was probably about the equivalent to a prank. She could sense how tiring it was to deal with Threepio, and so she found herself not feeling the least bit sorry when the droid found himself caught in a sticky webbing, set up by none other than Ben Solo himself. Threepio stuttered with “Oh my!” and “My goodness, Master Ben!” when he realized the cause of his misfortune.

Rey heard the echoes of a young Ben’s laughter and once again took the opportunity to share some of her Light with him.

The memories came quickly now as they began to get the hang of this.

Rey showed him when she finally struck up the nerve to fly one of the beaten down crafts on Jakku. Kylo showed her the first time he held a lightsaber. She showed him when she started training with her staff, her very first weapon. He showed her how proud he had been when he had moved rocks effortlessly with the Force for the first time. The more they shared with each other, the more personal the memories became. Rey wanted him to know the relief and happiness she had felt when she reunited with Finn on Crait. Kylo let her see when Chewie had taken him up in the _Falcon_ for piloting lessons. The closer they became in mind, the more Rey could feel the Light growing inside of him.

She finally ended their visions when the task of sharing her Light became too taxing for her. They were back in her room once more, breathing as one, their foreheads pressed against each other, and their noses brushing.

“Ben,” she whispered, and she felt his breath catch.

He stared into her very being, and Rey noticed this was the first time she had seen him without darkened eyes. The man in front of her now was more Ben Solo than Kylo Ren. She had never seen this much of him before, exposed like this, and her heart fluttered as one of his large hands came up to cup her cheek.

She could tell he wanted to kiss her, was contemplating it even. The thing that scared her though, that made her pull away from his touch, was that she wanted him too.

The moment soon faded and his eyes regained his usual conflicted sheen. The air became tinged with unease.

Rey stared at the floor, refusing to look at him. “Thank you for showing me those things,” she said quietly, and she saw him nod out of the corner of her eye.

“Tomorrow,” he said slowly, “I want you to find a place where you can practice levitation with the Force. Go somewhere quiet. Somewhere no one can disturb you. I want to show you something.”

She stared at him, not in a suspicious or in an alarmed way, but just…stared at him. She found he didn’t intimidate her in the slightest anymore. It was impossible, now that she had seen who he really was. A pang of something reverberated in her chest as she recognized this strange sensation. She was beginning to trust him again.

“Okay,” she murmured, and watched him fade from her room and from her mind.

She dreamed about him that night, how he was now, but in softer, lighter clothing and with brighter eyes.

 

 

           

            Rey wandered several miles from the Yavin medical center the next day. She informed a droid that if anyone asked about her, she would be Jedi training and was not to be disturbed. When she came to a good place to stop-an open area amidst a junkyard of broken down AT-ATs and Y-Wings-she placed her sack down on the ground and removed some of the Jedi texts.

“You won’t be needing those.”

She nearly jumped out of her skin. “I wish you wouldn’t do that,” she said crossly, scrunching up her nose.

He smirked. “It’s not my fault if you aren’t paying attention.”

Rey looked down at the Jedi texts wistfully before glancing back up at Kylo. “What did you want to show me?”

“That can wait,” he brushed her off, removing his lightsaber.

She stared at him with narrowed eyes. “Were are you?” she inquired curiously.

“Training room. Enough questions. Ignite your saber.”

She really didn’t like being told what to do, but he had referred to the weapon as _her_ saber, so she let the command slide. In one motion her blue blade crackled with life. He ignited his own, the contrasting colors creating pools of light against the bright sand.

“I want you to attack me,” he told her.

She frowned. “Why-”

“Come at me,” he growled, and she gave him an annoyed look before charging him.

He sidestepped her and swung his saber around, giving her almost no time to duck. If this were a real battle, she would have almost been decapitated. Rey knew that they couldn’t kill each other through the bond, but she didn’t reckon a lightsaber to the neck or back would feel pleasant either.

When she regained her balance she lashed out with a kick, nearly tripping him. She brought her blade down, but he raised his just in time, and their sabers collided, creating fireworks.

“You’re holding back,” he hissed at her through the buzz of their weapons.

“No, I’m not!” she growled.

“ _Yes,_ you _are.”_ Using his strength he pushed her back and this time she _did_ lose her balance. She stumbled backwards with a gasp and landed hard on her rear, glaring up at him. “I know you can do better,” he snapped.

Rey didn’t answer him; she didn’t have time. She rolled to the left as his blade came down again, smashing against the place she had been moments before. She jumped to her feet just as he dislodged his weapon and he turned to her, glowering.

“Fight me like you did on Starkiller!”

Fine then. With a roar, Rey pushed forward, swinging her saber in rapid succession. Kylo soon paid less attention to offensive attacks and began blocking her more. She could feel how pleased he was with her, encouraging her to attack him with all her power. Rey felt the Force beat in her ears and throughout her limbs, aiding her with every swing of her saber. She felt something else too, some sort of untapped power in the corner of her mind that she kept locked away.

Eventually, when they were panting, and sweating and could barely move; they yielded. There wasn’t a clear winner, but Rey felt she had dominated him closer to the end. She didn’t like the way her outer tunic clung to her body, so she removed it, ignoring the exasperated look Kylo sent her way.

“Well? Did that please you, _Master_?” she questioned mockingly, but regretted the statement as soon as she had uttered it. Referring to him as her master made the situation feel all the more real somehow.

Kylo didn’t seem fazed by the comment though. He reached up to wipe the hair off of his glistening neck. “You hold back too much. Even here; when you can’t kill me. You could be so much stronger if you just let the darkness guide you.”

“I’m strong enough to best you without the Dark,” she shot back, and he glared at her.

It was quiet for a few moments. Only the sounds of their labored breathing filled the air. And then-

“I want you to become my apprentice,” he told her. “Formally.”

She narrowed her eyes in puzzlement, wiping at her forehead. “What are you talking about?”

“There’s a ceremony, two months from now,” he explained, and she froze, using all of her focus to block her thoughts and feelings from him. “I’m expected to choose my successor, and I want it to be you.”

“What happened to ruling by your side?” she asked, more nastily than she had intended.

His eyes narrowed. “Selecting you as my apprentice would merely be a formality. You would stand beside me, as my equal.”

“You’re out of your mind if you think I would join the First Order.”

“If you accepted, there wouldn’t be a First Order.”

Her heart stilled. “What…?”

“Rey, I’m giving you a second chance to join me, to make that vision I showed you become reality. No one would stand in our way.” She could feel how excited he was through their bond.

“Ben, _no._ You know I can’t go that way.”

The eagerness on his face faded, and his features became hard. “If I can’t have you as my apprentice, then I will not choose another.”

A huge bolt of panic shot through Rey, and she knew he had felt it that time. He studied her curiously, but she buried any alarm she felt deep within her mind.

No. This couldn’t be happening. If she agreed then she would be abandoning the Resistance, Leia, Finn, Poe, everyone….but if she didn’t agree then the ceremony wouldn’t even happen. The Resistance’s whole plan would fall apart.

She knew she had to keep him interested in a partnership with her, and she also knew it made no difference to him whether he actually selected an apprentice or not. He held such little care for the First Order to begin with. Even so, he _had_ to attend this ceremony, at the coordinates the rebel spies had given them. It was the only way to end this war without having the entire Resistance slaughtered.

At the same time, she knew it would be beyond suspicious if she accepted right then, especially since she hadn’t held back her opposition to it. So she stalled.

“I’ll think about it,” she said at last. “I’ll certainly need more convincing, to say the least.”

He smiled, actually _smiled,_ but it made her blood run cold. This wasn’t the sweet smile of Ben Solo, the man she had started to become attached to, this was the malicious, plotting smile of Kylo Ren.

“Then it’s time for me to show you why you’ve come here,” he announced, stepping towards her.

She let him approach, watching him warily as he put his hands on her, turning her around and placing them on her bare shoulders. She could feel the cool sensation of him giving her some of his darkness, could feel his annoyance when her Light came out to block a piece of it. He removed one of his hands and pointed straight in front of her, at an enormous AT-AT.

“I want you to use the Force to move it.”

Rey paused. “You can see it?”

“Yes.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t. You saw how shoddy I was with that X-Wing. This is more than ten times the size of that.”

“Yes, you can,” he insisted. “I’ll help you.”

She swallowed, wondering what he was playing at, but she was far too curious at this point to disobey. She felt the arm that was pointing move to grasp her hip, and her heart pounded at the contact. The anticipation of showing her the Dark was radiating off of him, and the bashful boy who could barely look at her in her wrappings was overshadowed by this version of him, the kind that longed to devour her.

Rey closed her eyes, allowing some of his darkness to filter into her. She raised her left arm, remembering to keep her fingers loose so the Force could flow through them. She felt Kylo rest his own arm on top of hers, his fingers stroking, becoming entangled with her own. She could hear the strong pounding of his heart, feel his breath on the back of her neck. She took that moment to summon all of her strength, all of her focus, and then, very carefully, she unlocked a sliver of the untapped power she had stored in the depths of her soul.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/168737032@N02/32331136887/in/dateposted-public/)

The vacuum around her tensed with pressure. There was a humming in her ears, growing louder and louder with the more power she drew. Just when she thought the sensation would overwhelm her, she and Kylo flexed their fingers at the same time.

Her eyes snapped open. And then the power surged forth.

The fallen body of the AT-AT surged up into the air, crashing down almost a hundred feet farther onto the carcasses of abandoned junk ships. The collision of scrap metal and old fuel triggered a tremendous, fiery explosion that colored the sky in deathly oranges and blacks.

Rey watched the destruction in front of her, her eyes wide and the skin on her face reflecting the vibrant hues. Her breath came out in pants, her mouth curving up in an awestruck smile.

_She_ had done that. That brilliant display of power had come from _her_. She couldn’t ever have imagined achieving something like this with the Jedi texts alone. This was something else entirely.

Kylo was also breathing heavily beside her. She could feel his pride but also his surprise. Clearly this display had outdone what he had expected from her.

They didn’t speak for the rest of the time they were there. Instead they stood in that field of ruin, watching the fires of their creation choke the sky until neither of them could differentiate flame from atmosphere.

Later that night, when she was alone, Rey thought about ways to harness the power she had felt and turn it into Light. She wasn’t ignorant. She knew she had probably taken more of the Dark than she should have, but she told herself it was what she had needed to do to keep Kylo’s interest. Besides, she knew from sharing their memories that there was more Light in him than she had thought possible. If she could keep at it, she might even be able to turn him before the ceremony. It would certainly make the Resistance’s attack easier.

Rey glanced at the Jedi texts sprawled across her bed. Their bindings were nearly falling apart, their pages worn and yellow. She had learned so much from them, but Kylo was right; they were infuriatingly vague. She longed to be able to train and to finally be given the answers she needed.

She gathered the texts in her arms and placed them back in her sack.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm quite proud of this one. [ Reylo Hands Toward Darkness ](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Reylo-Hands-Reaching-Toward-Darkness-782040316)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter you’ll get to see how much the darkness is affecting Rey, her emotions, and her judgment.  
> Also, I don’t know if I have any Ariana Grande fans here, but her song NASA is a jam, and one that I think goes well with an angry Rey when thinking about Kylo. Give it a listen and tell me I’m wrong!

            Finn and Poe came to collect her the following day, and this time they were headed to the galaxy’s capital. They were supposed to meet a group of allies there, green ones, but the Resistance could use all the help they could get in the coming months. Leia would meet them in the city the next day, for the General was eager to scope out these new rebels, as well as get a moment alone to determine Rey’s progress.

She wasn’t the only one who was interested. As soon as the trio settled into their temporary residence-a moderately furnished structure based in one of the many inner levels of Coruscant-Poe took Rey aside, eager for details.

Rey tried to supply him with the information she thought he would find helpful, but she found she kept most things to herself. It felt wrong to share the bond with anyone but Kylo, and she didn’t want to worry Poe by telling him she had deliberately taken some of his darkness. She could tell the pilot seemed unsatisfied with her updates, and perhaps he could tell she was hiding something, but he didn’t pressure her further. He even turned in early that night, claiming they had a busy day ahead of them tomorrow.

Rey didn’t feel like going to bed yet, and luckily neither did Finn. The two ended up spending several hours together, just catching up. She discovered just how much she missed spending time with her best friend. Then again, it wasn’t like the strains of war could be conveniently scheduled. Still, it was comforting to know he hadn’t changed all that much since she had been away.

“You think we’re ready for this ceremony thing?” Finn questioned, his dark hand subconsciously running through the hair that came off his neck.

Rey smiled a little. “I suppose you should know that better than me. You’re at headquarters most of the time after all.”

Finn chuckled. “Yeah. I mean, we’re doing all right. It’s hard to tell until you’re actually in the midst of a battle. Man, I’m glad Phasma’s out of the picture though.”

She grinned. “Yes, so you’ve said.”

“Next to go is Kylo Ren,” Finn added, leaning back.

Rey’s smile faded. “Well…we’ll see.”

Finn glanced at her strangely then. “Huh? What are you talking about?”

She shrugged. “He’s very strong with the Force. Maybe when all is said and done…the Resistance would want to keep him around to use or-”

“Rey, are you crazy?” Finn stared at her incredulously. “There’s absolutely no scenario in which the First Order’s _Supreme Leader_ is spared. Look, I know you said he killed Snoke, but how do we know that wasn’t just a power grab? I mean, look where it got him!”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “No, it wasn’t as simple as that. He _spared_ me, Finn.”

Finn shook his head. “Well, he didn’t spare Han. He didn’t spare the millions of people who died because of Starkiller Base. He was compliant in all of that!”

“I _know_ ,” Rey said, gritting her teeth. She paused, and took a breath to calm herself. “It’s hard to explain, but…I think it’s very possible that this could end in some way other than his demise.”

“Yeah…the end of us,” Finn grumbled.

Rey remained silent.

And that night she had nightmares.

She was in the cave on Ahch-To again, but this time what she saw in that mirror was far worse than her isolated reflection. Bodies were everywhere; the smell of burnt flesh choked her in a way that even Kylo’s Force hold couldn’t. Corpses upon corpses littered the ground; ash sprinkled everywhere like grim confetti. Leia lay in the center, reaching out a hand to her. Rey stretched her own arm out, wanting to connect with her, but the harder she tried the further and further away Leia became. Rey felt wetness on her hands, and she turned her palms around to inspect them. They were drenched in blood.

_“Foolish child.”_

That voice, she would know it anywhere. The blood on her hands and in her veins chilled at the whisper of it.

_“You think you’ve won, haven’t you? You think Ben Solo has returned?”_

Rey gripped her head, willing it to stop.

“ _You think because you are his equal in the Light you still hope to turn him.”_

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to summon the Force to help her.

_“You think because he has struck me down that the Dark no longer claims him. Foolish, Jedi. I_ am _the darkness inside of him. And inside of you.”_

Rey’s eyes flew open and staring right back at her, inches from her face, was Snoke. His putrid yellow eyes and blanched face stared back at her, his mouth curving into a sadistic smile and revealing rotted teeth. She opened her mouth to scream, but his hand lunged for her throat and-

She was awake and she was thrashing and gasping. Someone was holding onto her wrist, and somehow she thought it was still Snoke, so she tried to wrench her appendage free but the firm was strong, incredibly strong.

“Stop it,” Kylo hissed, and she did, mostly because she was bewildered to see him there, seated beside her body.

“Snoke,” she gasped, sitting up. “I saw him. A vision-”

“I know. I saw him too. It was only a dream.”

_I_ am _the darkness inside of him._

“Why did you kill him instead of me?” she whispered, tears streaming down her face. “If you were only going to take his place anyway, why didn’t you just kill me?”

Even in the pitch-blackness of the room his pale face stood out to her. “You know I couldn’t,” he murmured, not really looking at her.

Rey slowly ducked her head, leaning forward until her forehead connected with his chest. She let out a quiet sniffle. She felt so utterly tired. Was this what it felt like to be torn between the Light and the Dark? But she wasn’t torn, was she? She knew that the Dark was evil and full of lies, so why did she feel this way?

Rey stiffened when she felt his arms come around her hesitantly. Despite everything, it was a little funny, the idea of Kylo Ren giving her a hug. She turned her head to the side, and she could hear his heartbeat. It was as strong and as real as if he were actually there in her bed. His arms constricted around her, and she moved her own up to embrace him.

Even as they stayed like this, Rey couldn’t help but think back to the conversation she had had with Finn earlier in the night. He was right. The man in front of her, the man who she was _holding,_ had done so many unforgivable things. He had killed his own father, a man who Rey had started to view as her own. He had stood and done nothing while planets were annihilated and civilizations were lost. Could she really find it in her heart to forgive him for all of that? Was there even a part of his soul that was still salvageable? The longer she thought about it, the more she wondered if her desire to get Kylo to turn was for the good of the Resistance, or if it was for herself.

She couldn’t remember how long they stayed like that, for when she opened her eyes again someone was knocking on her door. Rey blinked. She was lying back down in her bed and it was morning.

“Rise and shine, Rey,” Finn’s voice boomed from the other side of the door. “Poe wants us ready in twenty minutes!”

 

 

            “Remember we don’t want to draw attention to ourselves,” Poe informed them for probably the hundredth time. “Coruscant’s so large that there are bound to be spies everywhere, both for the Resistance and the First Order.”

“Are we _ever_ in a situation where we should draw attention to ourselves?” Finn complained, as he moved to the side to avoid a group of small children running through the streets.

“Is it safe for Leia to meet us here?” Rey questioned, feeling the jangle of her saber, tucked inside her tunic.

“She has to either way,” Poe explained. “These were the terms of our new potential allies. She can’t afford not to make an appearance.” He paused in his walking, and both Finn and Rey followed suit as they came to a building completely covered in black glass. “We’re here.”

As soon as they entered the structure, Rey and her friends were led through a series of hallways until they entered an open conference room. Other than the archway they had walked through, there appeared to be only one other exit, a shabby wooden door in the back right of the room.

Four people of varying species sat at a large rectangular table, and Rey presumed they were the heads of some sort of council. She let Poe and Finn do most of the talking, since they had a better idea of the Resistance’s capabilities as of late. When the council members appeared to be hesitant about a partnership, Poe informed them that General Leia would be arriving tomorrow to quell any worries they had about involving their squadrons in the war on behalf of the Resistance.

“We can only accomplish so much without her present,” a Twi’lek man said. “We will reconvene when the General is here.”

Poe nodded and the three began to leave.

“Wait,” a woman from a species Rey was unfamiliar with held up her hand. “Is this the Jedi?” She gestured to Rey.

Rey didn’t really know what to do, so she glanced at Poe. The pilot gave her an encouraging nod, so she eventually stepped forward. She cleared her throat and turned to address the councilwoman. “Technically I’m still training but…yes.”

The woman smiled. “Excellent. We have a small task for you, if you don’t mind.”

Something told Rey that the latter part of her statement was just a formality. She gestured to the side with webbed fingers and the wooden door in the back of the room opened. A human male with scratches down his face was brought out in cuffs, a guard on either side of him. Rey, Finn and Poe all looked to the woman in confusion.

“We found this little spy lurking in our corridors last night,” the woman informed them. “He claims he is not First Order, but we cannot be sure. We simply don’t know what to do with him.” She tapped her chin. “Perhaps you could detect if he is telling the truth?”

“With all due respect, is this really necessary-” Poe began, clearly uncomfortable with this woman’s desire to use Rey so casually, but Rey advanced towards the man to honor the request. In fact, she would do more than honor it. If these people were considering becoming their allies, then she would need to impress them. She thought about entering his mind, but realized the council wouldn’t be privy to this. Rey would need to give them a show. Why not? She was more than powerful enough, and this was just a common low-life. Besides, this was for the good of the Resistance. Surely there was no shame in that.

She raised her hand, summoning the Force. “You will tell me what you were doing in that corridor last night,” she commanded, and she felt Poe and Finn exchange glances behind her in disbelief and worry. She didn’t let it bother her. They would never understand the way she would. This was what must be done.

The man straightened immediately, and he choked out, “I was sent by Admiral Hux as a spy for the First Order. He said he would spare my family if I could tell him information regarding Resistance allies.”

Rey released his mind and the man’s head fell forward with a groan. The councilwoman who had made the request appeared to be quite pleased.

“We have much to discuss,” she said, her eyes running over Rey with satisfaction. “That is all until tomorrow.”

They were dismissed. The group was silent as they were led down various corridors and finally released into the crowded avenue. As soon as they were out of the building, Finn and Poe rounded on her.

“Rey, what were you thinking?” Finn whispered harshly. “That was some crazy dark stuff you just did!”

Rey turned and walked quickly, her eyes straight ahead. Finn and Poe jogged to catch up with her. “You saw how conflicted the council was. I wanted to sway them.”

“General Leia would not have condoned this,” Poe said, shaking his head.

That did it. Rey halted, whipping around to face the two men. “Really? She would rather we lose strong allies less than two months away from the attack?”

Poe’s eyes narrowed. “We shouldn’t talk about this here. Let’s all just go back and discuss this calmly.”

“Forget it,” Rey snapped, surprised by how irritated she was. “I wouldn’t want to frighten you in such close quarters.”

Finn frowned and when he spoke again his voice was softer. “Rey, we didn’t mean-”

She turned to him; her eyes alight with fire. “And _you,_ I wouldn’t want you to think that by being _merciful_ that means I would choose Kylo Ren over you or anyone else in the Resistance!”

Poe and Finn stared at her in complete shock, but she wasn’t in the mood to apologize or retract any statements. She was tired of explaining herself.

She moved away from them, getting lost in the crowd within moments. She needed to find a quiet place to talk to Kylo, but where could she go? The entire planet of Coruscant was a city.

_The tunnels,_ she thought. That could work.

She slipped down an alleyway and through the opening of one of the artificial caverns, traveling down, down, until she was at least a mile under the surface. She wove in and out of corridors and rooms where she really had no business being, but she didn’t let that bother her. Finally, she came to a place where it seemed like she wouldn’t be disturbed. The area was small and square, with teal carpeting and dull, brown walls. It looked like a study room of some kind. Well, that would serve her needs perfectly.

Rey sat in the center of the room, crossing her legs as her body approached the ground. She tried searching for Kylo but found he wasn’t available to talk with her. Instead, she felt a different signature, one she knew well.

Master Luke.

Her heart leaped. Surely he could help her make sense of things. Eager to speak with her former master, Rey focused the Force and felt herself fading out of the room and into a large white space, completely barren except for her and the brown-cloaked man that stood several feet away.

“Master Luke,” she said, a little breathless when she saw him. It had felt like forever since their last conversation. “There’s so much I need to tell you.”

She expected him to give her one of his signature wry smiles, or perhaps crack a joke about how generally unfocused she was. But to her surprise he didn’t respond, so she walked closer to him to study his expression. She found it was blank, as if he were studying her. Despite his uncanny mood, she didn’t let it deter her excitement at his presence.

“I’ve found Ben Solo,” she told him proudly, a smile stretching across her face. “He’s there and he’s strong. I’ve been filtering my Light into him.”

“You’ve gone against Leia’s wishes,” he observed, not for the first time.

Her smile faltered. “Well, yes, but Ben’s shown me so much. His memories, I mean. I can feel him. He’s turning. I _know_ he is. He’ll stand by my side, in the Light once more.”

Luke stared at her, his face a mask. “Rey, you’re the one who’s turning.”

The silence that hung in the air was like poison.

Rey returned his stare, her smile abruptly fading from her face. Luke watched her, his eyes examining her own as if he were deeply disturbed by what he saw in them. As the silence stretched on, the more agonizing it became. Finally, her lips parted the tiniest bit.

“You can’t mean that,” she said in a whisper.

Luke didn’t say anything.

A sudden black rage boiled up inside of Rey. It festered in her soul and then spilled over the edge.

“How dare you,” she said, deathly quiet before she erupted. “I’ve been doing all I can to-to save him! To right _your_ wrongs, and y-you have the-the _audacity_ to accuse _me_ of turning?” Her fists clenched so tightly together that her nails dug into her palms, creating crescents in her olive skin. “How can you not trust me? How could you not have trusted _him?_ ” Her eyes became wet in her rage. “He’s your nephew! You should have been there for him! There is no excuse. I don’t care if you felt responsible for his darkness; you should have gone back and helped him!”

“Rey-” Luke tried to cut her off.

“No!” Her eyes darkened, and her voice cracked. “I don’t know who you are. You aren’t the Luke Skywalker I heard about in stories. You aren’t the man who never gives up hope.” The air shifted around them as she threatened to sever their connection.

“Please don’t do this,” Luke said calmly, but his voice was laced with despair.

Rey blinked the wetness from her eyes, and when she looked back at him again, her face had hardened.

“You died long before Crait.”

As soon as she had broken the connection, she let out a furious yell. The tears never came. She was so, so _angry_ , with everyone, with Luke. Why couldn’t they see that she would never turn? Yes, she had taken some darkness, but she hadn’t lost herself. Not even close. She was becoming a more effective warrior, a more powerful Jedi. She had changed, sure, but Kylo was changing too. He was no longer the soulless monster that was Kylo Ren. He wasn’t quite Ben Solo, but he could be; she just needed more time.

She tried to reach out to him again, but he was still busy. So Rey was left alone with her thoughts.

 

 

            Rey didn’t return to the temporary residence she shared with Finn and Poe that evening. She needed a night to herself. So she slept for a few hours in the same room she had contacted Luke, and then spent the rest of the time wandering the inner workings of underground Coruscant. She had a long time to think and reflect, and it was at some point during that period that she realized she needed to talk to Leia.

Rey wouldn’t be surprised if the General didn’t trust her like the others, but nonetheless she needed to speak with her. Ben was her son, and she deserved to know about the bond they shared, at least to some extent.

She exited the tunnels just as the sun was beginning to rise and walked through the city. The lavish streets were already starting to bustle with life. Poe had told her the coordinates of where Leia’s ship would land the day before, and Rey planned to meet her there before he and Finn could. The things they needed to discuss would only be between the two of them.

As she stood by the docking port, waiting for the arrival of Leia’s ship, Rey knew Kylo could sense her distress through their bond. He rubbed against her mind with concern, and even in an apologetic nature for his absence yesterday. Rey concentrated long enough to tell him she would talk later, and he quietly left her.

She stood there for about an hour before the General’s craft came into view. Once the craft had landed and members of the Resistance started pouring out, Rey strained her eyes, trying to find Leia. The older woman eventually came out, and her eyes connected with Rey’s almost instantaneously. She didn’t smile. She didn’t need to voice a question to know something was wrong.

Instead of retiring to a chamber, Leia gestured for Rey to follow her back onto the ship so they could talk privately before she had to meet with their potential new allies.

“Something’s happened,” Leia said to Rey, more as a statement than a question. “You’ve taken the Dark, haven’t you?”

Rey stared at her in shock. Was it that obvious? Could Leia feel the darkness churning inside her at this very moment? “I-I-I had to,” she stammered out lamely, surprise affecting her ability to speak.

Leia stared back at her, expecting her to explain.

Rey cleared her throat, gathering herself. “He told me he would have no other apprentice but me. He said…he wouldn’t attend the ceremony if I didn’t agree. I…thought it would be best for the Resistance….and…”

“And for him?” Leia questioned, though she appeared to already know the answer.

Rey swallowed. “Leia, he isn’t the same man who killed Han. He’s changing. I just need more time with him. I need another chance for him to take my Light. I know what you’re probably thinking. I’m in over my head. You’re probably furious that I went against your orders, but I know I won’t turn to the Dark, you have to believe me, I-”

Leia placed a hand on Rey’s shoulder and she instantly quieted. Something about her touch was soothing. “I know,” Leia said.

Rey blinked. “You…know?”

Leia gave her a smile that held no humor. “I trust you, Rey. I’m not happy that you went against my orders but…” she regarded her sadly. “Many years ago, when I first discovered Ben was struggling with the Dark, I became afraid. There was a part of me that didn’t trust him, and I kept myself distant for more than a couple terrible reasons.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “I sent him to train with his Uncle Luke, thinking this was the best course of action. In reality, I should have been there for him… _Han_ should have been there for him, but we weren’t.” Her hand traveled down Rey’s arm to grasp her hand. “Now, I can feel the same conflict in you, but this time I won’t make the same mistake. I won’t turn away. You will always have my support, and maybe in this way, I can help you when I couldn’t help Ben.”

Rey didn’t realize she was crying until she tried to speak. She wiped the tears from her face, embarrassed by her reaction. “Thank you,” she whispered, clutching Leia’s hand tightly in her own. “Thank you.”

Leia gave her the smallest, saddest smile she had ever seen.

That night, Rey finally returned to her chambers to meet Finn and Poe. Both men jumped to their feet when they saw her. Finn was already halfway through an apology when Rey waved both of them down.

“It’s alright,” she told them, “I just needed some time to myself. I still do, really.”

“Well, Leia, Finn and I will be at negotiations for the next couple of days; maybe you can sit the rest out. They’ve, ah, already seen what you can do,” Poe mentioned, a bit uncomfortably.

Finn was more enthusiastic. “Yeah, Rey. Take all the time you need. You won’t be missing much at these meetings anyway.”

She nodded at her friends, trying not to be bothered by the fact that they were currently walking on eggshells around her. “Okay. Thank you.”

After she had semi-patched things up with Finn and Poe, Rey moved into her chamber and collapsed on her bed at once. Sleep washed over her before she could think of anything else. That night she dreamt of sunlight and a different life where she might have known the shy boy who wrote calligraphy.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/168737032@N02/47220959712/in/dateposted-public/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a lot of Kylo in this chapter but that will change. Hmmm…they still haven’t met in person yet…perhaps we are getting closer… Also this illustration is for the last sentence in this chapter. Just a cute “what if” drawing. [ Young Ben Solo and Rey ](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Young-Rey-and-Ben-Solo-783229699)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is far from over, but I have an idea for another potential one. The summary is posted in the last chapter!  
> Now, as for this chapter:
> 
> Warning: This chapter contains quite a bit of violence. Please see my note below, regarding some of it.

            Rey woke up early the next morning to meditate. She had been feeling off balance lately, and she knew clearing her mind and connecting with the Force would help immensely. She took the first several hours of her solitude to lose herself in the energy around her, feeding off her own Light and the darkness she had received, coiling them together to create equilibrium.

There weren’t any windows in the inner chambers of their residence, so she wasn’t able to know what time of day it was when she felt Kylo searching for her. She considered not answering him, mostly because she was deeply focused in her mediation. Then again, she knew he was concerned for her well being, and sooner or later he would break through to demand answers anyway. So she bridged the gap.

“What happened?” he asked tersely, his voice holding the commanding tone that he often used to bark out orders. Rey knew it wasn’t directed at her necessarily, but just his overall frustration with her silence when he had clearly felt her anguish yesterday.

Rey sighed. “Ben, can you please just-”

“Tell me what happened.”

She stood up so their faces became more level. How could she explain this to him? If she told him she had been giving into the Dark he would be pleased. If she told him she had temporarily severed her connection with Luke he would be overjoyed. That’s not the reaction she wanted.

“I feel…a conflict,” she told him honestly, opting to tell him the truth but keeping the nature of it vague. “It’s awful. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.”

Kylo nodded. “I know.”

Rey raised an eyebrow in surprise. “So you admit you feel it too then?”

A muscle in his face twitched, giving Rey the impression that he hadn’t intended to let that slip. Well, it’s not like it was some big secret anyway.

“What do you need of me?” he asked instead, in an obvious attempt to steer the conversation. Still, the inquiry felt genuine, and Rey felt warmth spread throughout her chest.

“I’ve cleared the rest of my day. The next few days, actually.” She bit her lip, wondering why she felt so nervous. “Maybe we could try the Light again? Like we did before.”

Kylo hesitated. “When will I be able to train you next?”

She frowned. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I want to ensure that the scales of our deal do not tip in your favor.”

Rey crossed her arms. “If I recall correctly, I allowed you to train me, _and_ I took quite a bit of your darkness. It’s my turn again.”

Kylo scowled, but didn’t argue. Rey took his silence as a win for her, and lightly grasped his forearm, leading him over to a pair of stools in the corner of her room. He sat down in one of them grumpily, his manner allowing Rey a glimpse into his past. Something told her he must have had the worst tantrums in the history of child kind.

He removed both of his gloves without her asking, and Rey once again took this as a private victory. He was becoming more trusting around her, just as she was of him.

She moved to curl her fingers with his own, the contact of their bare skin immediately sparking a wild pressure within the Force. Rey closed her eyes and took him to a place not from a memory, but from a dream.

The truth was Rey was running out of happy memories to show him. Sure, she could have projected spending time with her friends, but she thought it best to generally avoid memories of the Resistance. Unfortunately, that left the few good recollections she had on Jakku, and those were in short supply. This was why she trusted her instincts to take them to a time in her subconscious where she had felt the most content.

So she opened her mind to her dream from the other night, the one of her and Ben. She adjusted a few things, however, opting to keep their present ages and adding more depth and color to the scenery around them. She also took the memory she had seen of him when they had done this last, the one of him drawing beneath that tree as a child. She borrowed the tree, making it grow and reach the sun as the light wind rustled the yellow grasses around them.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/168737032@N02/32331136827/in/dateposted-public/)

“Why did you take us here?” he asked. She turned to him and was surprised with how easily she could sense his own Light. It glowed softly as he studied the tree.

“I don’t know…I just liked it I suppose.”

Kylo grunted, his hand coming out to feel the bark of the tree. Rey watched him, not wanting to disturb the moment as he reminisced. His eyebrows furrowed, for once not in anger but in a thoughtful manner.

“Tell me about that day,” she requested quietly.

His fingers detached from the bark and his eyes moved to study the winding, golden grass. “There isn’t much to tell,” he said at last. “Growing up…Senate life didn’t exactly suit me. I was treated differently at the academy where I enrolled.” His lip curled at a possibly unpleasant memory, but it receded just as quickly. “This was the only place where I wouldn’t be disturbed.”

“I liked your drawings,” Rey offered, pushing him in the direction of happier thoughts.

Of course, it didn’t work. He let out an ill-mannered snort. “You’re the only one then.”

“Why can’t you just find the good in something?” she demanded, coming to stand in front of him, her face cross. “Why does everything have to be a fight with you?”

The gentle breeze picked up, making his hair roll like waves. He narrowed his eyes at her. “Look…I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, but we’re wasting time.” He took a step back from her. “I’ve been patient, but this is taking too long. It’s time you come and join me.”

Rey glowered. “I still have practically two months to decide, don’t I?”

“You feel the pain of the conflict inside you, correct?” His hands balled into fists. “It’s tearing you apart. That’s what it’s like for me. Right now. Every moment you decide to stay with them.”

Rey felt her anger sluggishly drain from her. He was so lost. She had always known this, sure, but seeing him under this tree, frustrated and alone, made it all the more real. She realized now she would do almost anything to help him…anything but this.

She took his hand in her own, feeling her Light course through him, and she was stunned when he still took some of it.

“Why does it have to be me?” she said softly. “Why can’t you turn and stand by my side?”

“Nothing will change for this galaxy if I do,” he mumbled, but he reached for her other hand, holding it loosely in his own.

She shook her head. “That’s not true. We could still move planets together…but this way, nobody would get hurt.” He was silent, and she let him be for a while. Then she said, “Show me a memory. A happy one of your family. I know you have one.”

He stared at her, his grip on her hands tightening. She expected him to flat out refuse, but all at once the tension leaked from his shoulders and he leaned in, so his forehead rested against hers. She closed her eyes.

She was taken to a small but luxurious room, the walls lined with soft ambers and cool marble floors. Leia and Han sat on the floor, curled up next to a five year old Ben. Rey couldn’t hear what any of them were saying, but they had these gentle smiles on their faces. Their eyes were bright, even Ben’s, who leaned against his mother’s leg, clutching his father’s dice. It was a favorite of his, and during the brief periods when Han visited his family, he liked to play with the golden trinket. Han reached over and ruffled Ben’s hair and Ben laughed, a high, tinkling sound that filled the room, and then everything became Light.

Rey gasped as she blinked open her eyes and found they were back in her room. Kylo wasn’t looking at her, despite their interlocked hands. She could tell he didn’t want to talk anymore. She sensed the memory had triggered something in him, so she let him be. She severed the connection, and for the rest of the day she thought about the little boy with the dice in his hand, and the smile brighter than the stars.

 

 

            Rey spoke with Finn and Poe briefly that night, just gathering tidbits of Leia’s meeting with the council members. The council wanted to meet with the General once more to discuss and draw up a treaty, but by the excitement in Poe’s eyes, Rey could tell the alliance was practically a done deal.

That night she wanted to reach out to Kylo, but she found it was best to let him have the time to himself. Instead she meditated for a few hours before she went to bed. Sleep found her easily.

When she became aware she was dreaming, she understood that the visions in front of her weren’t really hers at all. These were Kylo’s, and the conflict in his mind felt like it had reached a breaking point.

Memories of him with his family surged around her and then seemed to vanish as quickly as they had come. She emerged into a cavernous, darkened room with long, metal pathways and a drop that seemed like it led to nowhere. Rey’s breath caught in her throat.

She was on Starkiller Base.

She saw Han then, walking towards Kylo, and she screamed with all her might. In a different time she would have thought she was screaming for Han to turn back, but instead her desperation was aimed at Kylo, begging him to spare his father.

The dream was disorienting, for she was suddenly seeing through his eyes. She saw Han’s despair, saw apologizes in his eyes that should have been said over and over again long before now. The conflict was a black whirlpool turning her inside out. Kylo turned his lightsaber in his hands, _her_ hands, gripping it tenderly.

Then they ran Han right through.

Rey awoke drenched in sweat, and she nearly shouted when she saw a figure in her corner. It was dark and hunched over, facing the opposite wall. She sat up when she heard it making the strangest sounds, so low, so lost. She carefully rose from her bunk and crouched on her hands and knees, cautiously moving closer to the figure. As she neared, she knew it had to be him, but even so, her eyes widened at the sight.

“Ben?” she breathed.

He was sobbing silently. She knew he must be, for his shoulders shook, and there were droplets on the floor, and every now and then he made a noise that hurt her entire being. Amidst his choked noises one word weaved its way into her ears, so soft she almost thought she imagined it.

“Father…”

Rey went stone still as the realization pierced her. He felt remorse for what he had done. There was a torture in reliving the moment he had thought would give him absolution, when all it had done was drag him deeper into turmoil.

He was asking himself over and over again, wondering what it had taken for him to get to that point. His mind was a mess and even though this was the closest he had ever been to Ben Solo, she somehow knew, even now, he still had a long way to go in order to be whole again.

Rey stretched her hand out to him, finally resting it on the back of his shoulder. He didn’t react to her touch, which was fine. Closing her eyes, she filtered her Light into him once more, the greatest amount she had ever managed. Slowly his sobs quieted until everything became silent.

They stayed like that until morning. 

 

 

            Rey, Finn and Poe were to leave Coruscant with Leia the following day, but in the meantime they were invited to stay their last night in the council building among their new allies. It was a welcoming gesture, and although the council people themselves seemed rather cold and unfeeling, their troops and workers were surprisingly charismatic.

Finn introduced her to one of the new rebel soldiers, a woman named Kira, and Rey quickly discovered that she was one of the wittiest people she had ever met. Which, now that she thought about it, wasn’t saying much considering her mostly isolated life, but regardless the woman was damn clever. There was another, a teenage rebel who had a bit of a stutter, but he didn’t hesitate when it came to speaking up for what he thought was right. Malek, she believed was his name. The young man told her he had trained most of his life to become a pilot, and if his skills in the air were anything like the quickness of his mind, Rey knew they were in good hands.

One of the best things about staying with these new allies for the night, however, was that she was given a room with a large glass window. Being locked in the inner tunnels of Coruscant had taken a bigger toll on her psyche than she had realized, so being able to look out into the sky was devine. Late that afternoon, Rey watched the most breathtaking sunset that strangely reminded her of Jakku. It had been a long time since she had just sat and watched the sun go down. She forgot how much peace it brought her. Coruscant was far too bright for her to see any of the stars, but knowing they were there was enough of a comfort.

That night in her dreams, she felt Master Luke’s presence. He was trying to reach her, and she knew she should talk to him, but the Dark in her longed to see him suffer for his mistake. Eventually, that part won out, and he was once again silenced from her mind.

She did awake later, however to the feeling of gloved hands on her skin, and unlike the previous nights when she had jerked awake, consciousness rolled over her like a warm, sand dune.

“Ben,” she said, frowning in the confusion of half-sleep. “What is it? Is something wrong?”

“No,” his low voice rumbled in the darkness. “I just wanted to see you.”

She was wide-awake now. He just wanted to see her? There wasn’t an ulterior motive? She felt a strange shyness creep over her, and for some reason she was glad she had the cover of the dark.

She blinked the last of her sleep away. “Oh. Are you…feeling better?”

Kylo didn’t respond to her question. His hand moved up instead, and he brushed her hair back behind her shoulder. “I like your hair down like this.”

“You mean you don’t like my buns?”

He chuckled, the foreign sound rumbling low in his chest. “They’re…interesting. I question the practicality of them though.”

Rey was still reeling at the fact that he had laughed. Well, not quite, but close.

“I’ve always worn my hair like that,” she responded, self-consciously patting the place where her buns usually were. “Maybe if you tried it with your hair you wouldn’t be so grouchy.”

“And just how would that make me less grouchy?” His voice was laced with amusement; the tone suited him.

Rey shrugged. “You wouldn’t have hair constantly in your face. I can’t imagine it was very pleasant, with it sticking to your neck underneath that helmet.” She paused. “Why don’t you wear it anymore?”

“I do. I wore it that day in Canto Bight. Just because _you_ see me like this doesn’t mean the rest of the galaxy does.”

She scrunched up her nose. “Yes, well. I like you better without it.”

He paused. “Me too.”

They lapsed into a thoughtful silence. Rey stared down into her lap, turning something over in her mind as Kylo continued to run his fingers subconsciously up and down her arm.

“I still want you by my side,” he announced, breaking their peace. “That hasn’t changed.”

“I know.”

She figured that was his attempt at an explanation for last night. She should have known that despite the confusion and remorse he felt for killing Han, he would continue to try and steer her towards his ultimate agenda. She wanted to yell at him for it, but then again wasn’t she doing the same thing by taking the darkness?

Rey thought about that. Maybe things  _could_ be better if she joined him. She wouldn’t succumb to the Dark of course, but…maybe if she were at the head of it all she could end this war in a way that wouldn’t result in mass bloodshed. She blinked in alarm. Stars, was she actually considering this? Would she really give him what he wanted? When they had first restarted their connection she would have rather died than turn herself in to the First Order again…but now, sitting here with him…she didn’t know what to think anymore.

She was jostled from her thoughts when a leather-clad finger tilted her chin upwards. She met his eyes and found she couldn’t place the emotion that nestled inside them. The city lights streamed through her window, creating dazzling purples and blues across half his face. Her spine straitened slowly as the hand on her arm moved to cup her face. She could feel the rapid beating of his heart, hammering fast and strong and matching with hers. Then he was leaning forward and for a moment, Rey contemplated shutting her eyes and letting whatever was about to happen, happen. Instead, she clung on to the last shred of sanity she had and turned her face so her check rested against his shoulder.

She could feel his disappointment flowing through her and it pained her so much that she screwed her eyes shut. Surely he had to understand that this couldn’t happen. Their relationship was already complicated enough as it was.

He didn’t leave her right away like she thought he would after her rejection. He just held her there, entwining his fingers through her hair and gently running them to the ends over and over again.

For the life of her Rey couldn’t decipher his discontent from her own. 

 

 

            “Is everything ready, General?” Leia asked Poe as their small group prepared to leave Coruscant.

The four of them were at the launching port, several rebels moving around them in their own tasks as they prepared for take off. Rey and her group stood about a hundred yards away from the ship that they would soon board back to headquarters. Well, not all of them. Rey technically wasn’t allowed to be on base, so she would board another craft destined for a distant grassland planet. There she would search around with the Force in order to potentially find more children.

“Everything’s set,” Poe assured the General, and Leia nodded before turning to Rey.

“If you ever need to reach me, you know what to do,” she told the younger woman, and Rey gave her a soft smile in response. “May the Force be with you.”

“May the Force be with you,” Rey said in turn.

As Leia began walking in the direction of the craft with Poe, Finn spun to her. “I can’t believe we’re leaving again.”

She sighed. “I know. I don’t like it either.”

Finn hesitated. “Maybe I can convince Poe to let me come with you?” His eyes saddened. “I miss you Rey.”

She felt her heart become heavy. “I wish you could. But what I need to do has to be done alone. It’s…hard to explain.”

Finn waved a hand in front of her. “I get it. You’ve got your Force duties, I’ve got my own stuff.” He came in for a hug. “Stay safe,” he murmured into her hair, and her arms tightened around him.

“You too,” she whispered, swallowing the lump in her throat.

They released each other, and then Finn also began walking in the direction of the craft. He paused in his journey, however, and turned, giving her a two-finger salute in a mock attempt at being authoritative. Rey laughed.

And that’s when the rebel ship exploded.

The force was enough to knock Finn and Rey to their knees, the latter covering her head as a violent ringing reverberated in her brain. The sensation was torturous and intense enough that she felt Kylo calling to her, asking if she was alright. His voice was spiked with anxiety, but she couldn’t respond. Somehow, in that moment of his fear, she knew he hadn’t ordered the attack, but a part of her was afraid he had known about it anyway, so she fiercely blocked him out. She lifted her head to look at the carnage in front of her.

Poe and Leia.

_No,_ she thought desperately, running toward the inferno with Finn right behind her. They found Poe several feet from the blast, his entire uniform singed and his skin charred in a few places. He coughed violently as BB-8 rolled in next to him, releasing a series of concerned beeps and clicks.

“Poe!” Rey cried, crouching down, but he moved to stand straightaway, still coughing ferociously.

“I’m fine!” he wheezed. “Leia…”

Rey didn’t wait for him to finish. She reached out with the Force, searching for Leia’s signature, and she found it, but it was fluttering, and it was weak.

“Follow me,” Rey ordered and they did. Rey had to tune out the screams and the visuals of motionless bodies all around her, some still burning, as she concentrated on Leia’s signature. She felt a pulse to her right. “Over there!” Rey shouted.

They found her lying on her back. Her eyes were blinking slowly, but she was very clearly disoriented. The burns on her body were far less than on Poe’s, but the impact from the explosion must have thrown her quite far.

“Leia! Leia!” Rey screamed, clutching her hand and willing her to focus.

“We have to move her,” Poe choked out. “We can’t stay here. Those explosives were planted. They know where we are.”

“Where are we supposed to go?” Finn cried, looking frantically at the sky as if the Star Destroyer itself could appear at any moment.

Rey heard an unmistakable wail from behind her, and she turned, her eyes widening when she recognized Chewbacca running towards them. She hadn’t even known he was here.

Finn and Poe didn’t seem surprised, however, for smiles of relief broke across their faces. The Wookie let out a cry of distress at Leia’s state, but he bent over and picked her up, nodding his head at the others to follow him. That was good enough for Rey. She, Finn, Poe and BB-8 kept up with Chewie the best they could, following him practically stride for stride until they had boarded the _Falcon._

Chewbacca placed Leia in a cot in a back room of the craft, making sure she was safely secured before he came back out to the controls.

“Take us to the nearest rebel medical unit,” Poe ordered Chewie, and the latter let out a growl of conformation before the ship burst to life.

Rey’s breathing caught as she heard laser fire around them, knowing that Stormtroopers had just landed on Coruscant. She closed her eyes in silent relief as she felt the _Falcon_ break the atmosphere and soar far away from the massacre. Her heart broke for all the rebels who had been left behind, but she had to trust that they would make it to their other, smaller ships in time. She also told herself that their new allies would not take this attack on their home world lightly. Surely there would be some retaliation. Even so, the thought of burnt flesh and still bodies made her want to vomit, and all of her nightmares came back to her in full force. When Coruscant was finally out of sight, Rey went to the back area where Leia lay and sat beside her.

The General had an oxygen mask strapped to her face and was breathing steadily, but Rey could feel how weak she was. When she reached to grasp her hand, Leia turned to look at her, her eyes sluggishly blinking with recognition.

“Leia,” Rey whispered, tears coming to her eyes. “It’s alright. You’re safe now.”

Leia gave a feeble push with the Force to let Rey know she understood. Rey squeezed her hand tighter as they sat in silence for several moments. Then, she swallowed heavily.

“I…I know what you’re thinking,” she choked, her voice thick with emotion. “But it wasn’t him. He didn’t do this.” Leia just stared at her, and Rey shook her head, looking at their hands. “I could feel him. He didn’t know. He didn’t know.” The General watched her sadly, not able to speak even if she wanted to. Rey swallowed again and pushed forward. “You were right,” she said, laughing a bit through her tears. “He’s there. Ben’s in there. I know he is.” Her voice shook. “He-He showed me something beautiful. That day, in-in the amber room with you…and with Han.” She sniffed. “He had the dice in his hand and you…you all just looked so happy.”

Her voice finally cracked, and her eyes went back to Leia. The General was still staring at Rey, but a single tear had leaked out of the corner of her eye and was falling steadily down her cheek.

Something in Rey broke. “Please, please don’t go,” she begged like a child, sobbing uncontrollably now, tears and snot running down her face. “Please don’t leave. You need to see him again. You have to. He’s changed, I-”

Her head came up as the door opened and Poe entered, looking grim. His burnt uniform had begun flaking off by his shoulders.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” he said, and Rey could tell he was doing his best not to allow his voice to shake. “But I need to speak with the General for a moment.”

Rey nodded through her tears, not trusting herself to speak anymore. She turned back to Leia one more time and pressed a kiss into her palm before getting up and allowing Poe the privacy he needed. He knew that he and Leia had a special connection; that he looked to her as he would his own mother. So she retreated back to the main hull and waited in silence with the others.

Poe stepped out briefly to allow Chewie some time with Leia before he was called back in. Whatever they were talking about must have been crucial for the fate of the Resistance. Rey watched Chewie out of the corner of her eye as he settled back behind the controls, his body rigid and his hands stiff.

Less than an hour later Rey felt it. The Force shifted and then ebbed in a way that was unmistakable. Poe emerged several minutes after that, his face red from crying. Finn and Chewie looked to him miserably, the latter altering the gears on the _Falcon_ to temporarily stall it in its journey. Poe opened his mouth but his voice fell on Rey’s deaf ears. She didn’t need to hear it from him.

After he had spoken, Chewie got up and moved into the backroom at once. Finn buried his face in his hands, and Poe continued to angrily wipe the tears from his eyes. Rey just stared into space. Leia. She was gone.

The Dark fell over her like a wave. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Rey finally boards the Destroyer. 
> 
> As for Leia’s death, I understand why people wouldn’t like it. I do feel weird writing it knowing Carrie Fisher really wanted to be a big part of episode IX. In my mind though, I feel like if she were still alive they would have written Leia’s character death, just because it seems like that is the direction they are going. (Letting the past die, and all that, as well as moving away from the Skywalker line.) I do hope that whatever they do with her in episode IX, that it is tasteful.
> 
> Here is the chapter’s illustration. It’s quite a bit happier than the content.  
> [ Flashback Ben Solo ](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Flashback-Ben-Solo-Show-Me-the-Dark-Side-ch-8-784766445)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may be confused by some of the impulsivity of Rey in this chapter. Just know that this is intentional, because the Dark will really be influencing her.

            “What are we supposed to do now?” Finn posed the question to anyone who would answer in the _Falcon._ “I mean…Leia _was_ the Resistance.”

Poe dabbed at his eyes again. “Nothing changes. We go forward with our original plan, no matter what.” He looked meaningfully at Rey but she avoided eye contact with him. She felt strangely detached from the whole situation. The tears had stopped flowing hours ago.

Chewie let out a solemn roar.

Poe sighed. “We should return to headquarters and give her a proper burial.” He paused. “But let’s drop Rey off at Yavin 4 first.”

Finn stood up suddenly, anger coating his face. “You’ve got to be kidding. Rey deserves to be there! She cared about Leia just as much as any of us.”

“I _know_ that, but we can’t lower our defenses just because of grief. Leia wouldn’t have wanted that.”

BB-8 let out a series of clicks.

“Then can someone finally explain to me _why_ Rey isn’t allowed back? This is getting insane.”

Normally Rey would have been irritated at having others talk about her like she wasn’t there, but she was too distracted to care. In fact, the reason she was unfocused was because at that very moment, she sensed someone following them. They were far enough away that they weren’t showing up on the _Falcon’s_ radar, but she could detect the disturbance clearly. She could sense it because Kylo was close.

The Star Destroyer.

It was unmistakable, but what confused her was that Kylo seemed strangely absent despite the fact that she knew he was on board. She hadn’t been able to sense him at all since the explosion, and she wasn’t sure whether that had to do with him, or her, or both.

The Dark burned and festered inside of her though, when she realized who else was on the ship. Hux.

Rey’s teeth grounded together. She was absolutely positive he was the one to launch the attack that had killed Leia and countless others. She had seen in Kylo’s mind that Hux had a habit of going ahead and making military judgments without his counsel, and Kylo’s surprise had only confirmed that this situation fell under one of those instances. She suddenly wanted to get her hands on Hux, to rip him limb from limb.

“Rey?” Finn asked cautiously, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“We’re being tracked by the First Order,” Rey told them, her voice strangely emotionless despite the rage she felt.  She could feel the air around them thicken with tension at her announcement.

“We’ll have to jump to lightspeed,” Poe said finally, coming to stand by Chewie as he reached for the controls.

“No.”

Everyone in the craft turned to look at Rey.

“No? What do you mean, no?” Poe regarded her as if she had just lost her mind.

“I’m going to go to them,” she responded, her eyes hard. “I’ll turn myself in.”

“Rey, no!” Finn cried. “You can’t sacrifice yourself like that.”

“I’m not.” Her voice steadily became more urgent when she recognized time was of the essence. “Poe’s right, the plan needs to go forward.” She turned to the pilot, her eyes searching his desperately despite the darkness that waged war with her beneath the surface. “You may not trust me with this, but Leia did.” She took a deep breath. “I know I can turn Kylo Ren when the time comes. The ceremony’s less than two months away. That’s all the time I need.” She looked to each of them, knowing what she would say next would crush them. “He’s going to announce me as his apprentice.”

Finn predictably shouted out his protest, and Chewie also roared in disbelief and outrage. It was Poe that was the one who studied her in a way she hadn’t seen before.

“You’re certain you can get him to turn by then?” he asked, his voice quieter than it had been before.

Rey nodded. “I swear it.”

Poe squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, his fingers pinching the bridge of his noise until it turned a bright white. “Alright.”

She knew the incredible gamble Poe was taking in agreeing to this. She also recognized that he was still wary of her, but now that Leia was gone, he must have known this was the best shot they had. Besides, risky strategies in times of deep uncertainty were his specialty.

Finn gaped at the pilot. “You can’t be serious.”

“Finn, you have to trust me,” Rey said, turning to her best friend. “I know I haven’t given you much reason to lately but…I’m asking you now.”

“Rey,” Finn responded brokenly, tears forming in his eyes. “Please don’t do this.”

“I have to,” she said softly. “It’s the only chance we have now. I need to do this. For Leia.”

Finn gazed at her for only a second before he crushed her to his chest. She returned the hug, an inkling of her Light filtering back into her at the contact. When they released each other, Rey turned to Poe and Chewbacca.

“I’m ready.”

The _Millennium Falcon_ gradually slowed to a stop, and then it was only a matter of time before the Destroyer caught up. There was something eerie about simply waiting for the enemy. Rey knew Hux was bound to see that the _Falcon_ had ceased movement, and this would no doubt confuse him.

_Good,_ Rey thought,  _He’ll be that much easier to take down._

As soon as the Destroyer blinked onto the radar, Chewie sent out a transmission signal for Poe to use. Rey knew that normally Poe liked to fool around with the enemy and catch them off their guard with his charming personality. But in lieu of Leia’s passing, he kept his voice tight and professional.

“This is the _Millennium Falcon_ requesting to make contact with Admiral Hux,” he said.

There was some noise on the other line for a moment, and then, “This is Admiral Hux. With whom, may I ask, am I speaking?”

Rey inwardly seethed at the Admiral’s false politeness. She imagined a smirk curling around his pale lips, and she had to bite her tongue to keep from cursing him out.

“This is Poe Dameron of the Resistance.”

It didn’t go unnoticed by Rey that Poe had purposefully omitted his ‘General’ title. It was better to let Hux think he was dealing with low ranking rebel scum.

“We’d like to offer you a deal,” Poe continued, and Rey quirked her eyebrow up at that. What was he up to?

“On what grounds?” Hux’s tone was incredulous. “You think you have bargaining power over the First Order?”

“We have someone who may make you change your mind,” Poe responded coolly, and from the brief silence on the other line Rey could tell Hux was now invested.

“I’m listening.”

“So,” Poe said, and through his sorrow Rey caught a glimpse of the smooth talking pilot she knew and loved. “We could just jump to lightspeed here and now, but I propose an offer. We’re willing to trade you Rey in exchange for a two week truce.”

Rey blinked with realization. The deal was bantha fodder, of course. Any reasonable person would know the First Order wasn’t to be held to any deal, and even if they did agree, there was absolutely no reason for them to go back on it as soon as they had her. But that wasn’t the point. It would have been far too suspicious to just hand her over without some sort of bargain. So Poe, cleverly, let Hux think he was a fool trying to save his own skin.

“Rey is the Jedi girl,” Hux clarified, after a brief pause.

“Yes.”

“I require proof. Show her to me.”

Rey moved forward as Chewie pressed another button, and a hologram image of her was transmitted to Hux. She heard quiet muttering on the other side. She assumed, since Hux had never met her in the flesh, that he was asking one of his subordinates who had actually seen her to confirm her identity. After several tension filled moments, Hux’s nasally voice rang out over the transmission once more.

“Very good. We’ll take her.”

Rey kept her face neutral, hiding the malicious smile that threatened to break across her mouth. The darkness pounded inside of her, begging to be released on the man who had caused her so much pain. Although Rey’s reasons for turning herself over were genuine, the darkness told her to omit a key detail from her friends.

Once she was on board, Hux was doomed.

 

 

            The clicks of Rey’s heels echoed around the tunnel bridging the _Falcon_ to the Destroyer. She knew as soon as she was on board that Chewie would launch the craft into lightspeed, not wanting to take any chances. Despite the fact that she was walking directly into enemy territory, Rey couldn’t have felt calmer. With every step the darkness coursed in her veins; all it would take was a flick of her wrist to unlock the dormant power inside of her. She had done it once before, she would do it again if tested.

As soon as she moved into the much larger craft, the door to the tunnel sealed and she felt the faint pressure of the _Falcon_ disappearing. She knew it pained her friends to give her up like this, but it was necessary. With Leia gone, this might be the only chance they had left.

Even though Rey was well aware that this was possibly the closest she had been to Kylo in three years, she still couldn’t sense him. Normally this would have troubled her, but her mind was a blank slate. Right now, there was only her and the enemy.

Hux.

A group of about twelve Stormtroopers approached her with weapons in their hands. Two Troopers immediately came to stand beside her. One of them held a pair of cuffs. The other made to reach for her lightsaber.

Rey snapped.

In one motion she removed her saber and ignited the blades, twirling it upwards and decapitating the two Stormtroopers beside her. The others in front of her stiffened in shock before raising their weapons, but they were much too slow. She raised her hand effortlessly and used the Force to toss them aside, their bodies scattering in all directions like insects.

As she moved onward she heard heavy footsteps from the railing above her. She should have known the spectacle she caused would only raise more attention. Never mind that. She continued to walk calmly, knowing the Dark would protect her. She raised her hand to halt laser fire that shot towards her and redirected it to the opposing railing. The entire metal structure collapsed in a fiery explosion and several Troopers were forced to jump or else be burned alive.

This was far too easy. She had expected more of a challenge from the empire that had caused her and her friends to go into hiding for the last three years.

Rey reached in front of her and blew open the door to the hallway. She walked through while sheathing her lightsaber. She heard panicked shouting from down the hall and suddenly the tunnel was submerged in darkness. Rey smirked. They thought that would faze her.

She could feel them. There were about twenty this time. Some of them were standing and some were kneeling, all with their weapons drawn. She could feel their uncertainty and she thrived on it. They knew she was coming for them.

She ignited her saber again, the double blades basking the hallway in an eerie blue glow. One of the Troopers yelled “Fire!” and they did their best. They really did. Rey twirled her saber in a circle, easily deflecting any sort of attack coming her way. When she came close enough she reached her arm out and broke the legs of one Stormtrooper, sent three more crashing into the wall behind them. She jerked her hand up and the remaining Troopers’ weapons were yanked from their grasps. A couple of them tried to come at her once they extended new weapons. With a yell, Rey ducked under one Trooper and sliced his arm off on her way back up. The other one she kicked back with her foot, and then twirling around, she lunged forward and impaled him, grinning savagely at the satisfying buzz her blade made through his uniform.

Those who managed to stand on two legs fled, and she wanted to go after them to finish the job. _No,_ she told herself, _there’s someone who’s waiting for you._

Finding Hux wasn’t difficult. She knew he would be in the Destroyer’s helm, so that’s exactly where she went. She used the Force to tear the metal door from its archway, and it tipped into the room with a thunderous crash. She stepped over it, extinguishing her saber and holding it in her hand as she caught the flash of red hair in front of her. Hux turned around, his expression alighting half with outrage, half in fear.

A couple of Stormtroopers rushed her, but she extended her fingers and knocked them to the side effortlessly. Hux opened his mouth to yell, but Rey’s hand jerked up, and he was thrown against the back wall, the breath knocked out of him.

She held him there with the Force, her vision lightening as gold flecked across her irises. The Dark poured from every fiber of her being. How dare this pathetic excuse for a man take the life of someone so dear to her? How was a weakling like him made to command an army of thousands? Well, they weren’t here to protect him now. Nothing was.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/168737032@N02/47220959902/in/dateposted-public/)

Her fingers curled inwards like tendrils, and then he was grasping his throat. His eyes widened and his face abruptly became red. The veins on his neck and face stood out prominently, as if they would burst at any second. Rey watched him with a deadened glaze in her eyes. He was so weak.

She watched as he thrashed. She watched as the splotches on his cheeks changed from red to purple. She watched him watching her. He was dying.

And then…something inside her just...made her stop. She dropped her arm and Hux fell with thud, coughing and gasping. They were wretched noises, but they fell on deaf ears. Rey’s eyes became glassy as the gold faded, and her vision cleared. Tears of confusion pricked her eyes and she stared at nothing, finding herself completely numb. She was empty. Everything was. She had stopped herself from completely succumbing to the Dark, but now…she felt nothing.

So she didn’t resist when almost a hundred Stormtroopers came pouring into the room. She didn’t fight back when they snatched her lightsaber away, or when they electrocuted her so brutally she fell to her knees. She didn’t kick or thrash as they grasped her by the arms and held her there. She didn’t flail as Hux came in front of her, his face still splotchy from lack of oxygen, and backhanded her so hard her jaw shook. She didn’t speak as they carted her to a cell with no bed, no water, no anything, but piercing white walls and lights. She didn’t turn around when the door shut behind her. She didn’t demand they let her out. How could she? She felt nothing.

After standing there for several minutes in silence, Rey slumped to the floor, her body shaking violently. Through her shock she managed to cross her legs and willed herself to focus. She needed Luke. She desperately needed him, or else she would fall apart.

Her hold on the Force was shaky, terribly so, but she tried anyway. “Master Luke?” she called, searching the empty space for him. “Master, _please,_ I’m so lost.”

No answer.

“Please,” she begged, not sure why she wasn’t able to connect with him. She knew something inside of her was broken, but surely she could still…?

“Luke,” she cried, her voice torn and defeated. It echoed countless times, but there was no response.

She was alone.

 

 

            Four days passed until she was given water and food. It was tossed onto the ground through a slit in the door, and Rey got on her hands and knees and lapped it up like a dog, not caring how she appeared. Hux didn’t visit her. Rey expected he was either still in medical care, or he was too afraid of her to chance it. A few days ago she would have feasted on his fear, but now she was too exhausted to feel anything.

She tried meditating every day since she had been thrown in the cell, but nothing worked. She couldn’t even feel the Force since she had tried contacting Luke, and to be honest, she wasn’t sure she wanted to. She knew her attempts had been half-hearted at best. She had simply lost her will to find the balance.

Rey briefly wondered in her deadened state where Kylo was. She hadn’t sensed him since before Leia’s death, and he had made no attempts to find her. He knew she was on board, yet he still did not come.  

It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Leia was dead, Luke was missing, Poe and Finn and Chewie were light years away, and she couldn’t feel the Force. She had been foolish to come here. She had been naïve for thinking her Light made her special, made her strong, made her the exception when it came to resisting the Dark. Now she was isolated once more. Three and a half years it had been since she was last on Jakku, and nothing it seemed, had really changed.

Rey managed to find sleep for a couple hours despite the piercing white lights above her. She preferred sleeping these days. She didn’t have to think about anything that way.

Unfortunately the bliss of oblivion did not last long, for someone pushed her head into the hard tile and she woke up groaning in pain.

“Up, Jedi,” a distorted, male voice said.

Rey winced as she lifted her head, her eyes adjusting to the figures in front of her. There were six of them, grouped together by her cell door. They all wore varying styles of black uniforms with long, billowing cloaks. Their helmets were of a familiar kind, soulless, and crafted finely like metallic ebony. She had seen them once before in a vision. These were the Knights of Ren.

“I said _up_ ,” the Knight closest to her ordered, and he lifted his hand. Rey felt herself rise, too weak to protest. As soon as her feet landed on the tile, two of the Knights ignited their blood-red sabers, as if she had suddenly become infinitely more threatening.

She stared at them blandly. If they were looking for a battle, they wouldn’t get it. All the fight in her had completely vanished.

Even as she was ushered out of her cell and down the hall, the Knights caged her at every angle, so she fell between them in a circle of black cloak. It was almost amusing, the lengths Hux was going to in order to cart her from one cell to another. That is, it would have been if she were in a state of mind to be amused. In reality, Rey was beginning to understand the defeat that had caused Luke to disappear in self-exile.

Through her haze of fatigue and self-loathing, Rey was a little curious as to who these people in masks were. She knew they had been the handful of students Kylo had taken with him when he had destroyed the Jedi Academy, but he had never mentioned them to her before. She pondered if they too, might be conflicted as he was.

It seemed as though they had walked across the entire Destroyer by now. She vaguely wondered if any of the Resistance’s spies in the First Order would try to make contact with her or help her in anyway. She made a mental note to keep her eyes out for any signs of allegiance.

Rey still had no idea where she was being taken. Did Hux have some elaborate torture chamber set up for her? The thought didn’t strike as much fear into her as it should have. She glanced around lazily as they moved, trying to commit to memory all of the twists and turns. Even in her current state she still had an obligation to the Resistance and to her friends. So she studied everything she could for as long as she was able, before one of the Knights painfully snapped her head forward with the Force.

They finally came to a grand double door, far too luxurious to be a prison cell. The Knights in front of her stepped aside and sheathed their lightsabers, and she felt herself being unkindly nudged toward the entrance. She stumbled forward and caught herself on the door, her limbs shaking. Due to the lights in her cell and her inner turmoil, she had been unable to really sleep for days, resulting in utter exhaustion. She heard some of the Knights move from behind her, and she didn’t need her ‘Jedi mind tricks’ to know they thought she was pathetic. She smiled bitterly. How confusing it must have been to them, that this weakling of a girl supposedly had slain their former master.

One of the Knights stepped beside her, his hand coming up to type a code into the door console. A moment later the great doors opened down the middle, leading into a lavishly furnished hallway.

“Inside,” one of them ordered, the same one who had shoved her face against the tile.

She blinked. “What is this?” she croaked, her voice sore from lack of use.

“ _Inside,_ Jedi,” another said, and then he gave her an actual push with his hand.

Rey obeyed, not knowing what else she could have done otherwise. She strode through the doorway and felt the barrier close behind her. As soon as she was separated from the Knights, she let out a sigh of relief she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. For once it felt good to be by herself again.

She trudged down the long tunnel, her dirty feet leaving smudges of grime on the rich, crimson carpeting. She finally came to another doorway, but unlike the first, this one did not require a code for her to enter. She moved inside and gazed around, her face expressionless.

It was cold and dark. Black furniture, red curtains. Shelves of books spanning an entire wall. There was a velvet curtain to the far left which she peered through, only to come upon the largest and cleanest ‘fresher she had ever seen in her life. She backed up and continued to sluggishly navigate the space. She traced the perimeter of the area with her hand, her tongue occasionally groping the inside of her cheek where a new wound had opened up from her rude awakening. Damn that Knight.

Finally, she found another doorway, and stepped through that as well. This time she happened upon a bedchamber, equally as lavish and unwelcoming as the space before. A single window stretched across the center of the room, large enough to soak half of the floor in the colors of the nebula they were passing. The bed to the far right was large and pristine and probably hadn’t been used in days. If Rey didn’t know better, she would think she was being treated like a guest. Certainly this hadn’t been Hux’s idea.

While Rey yearned to climb into the bed or retreat to the ‘fresher to scrub the ash and grime from her body, she instead crossed over to the window and just stared. The pinks and purples of the nebula passed over her, illuminating her face and shoulders. It was the only bit of natural light that had touched her in days.

The sight in front of her was lovely. Through her depressed haze she wondered if Finn could see it from wherever he was. She pondered if he and Poe were thinking about her. They were probably concerned, but they knew she could handle herself. She could almost hear Finn joking about how he was glad she was the one who had to deal with all that Force stuff and not him. She could imagine Poe saying how proud Leia would have been about the Resistance’s progress. She could picture Leia’s stern but caring smile, the one that told said she would trust Rey no matter what. Stars, that nebula was so beautiful.

Rey’s hands came over her face as her emotion finally penetrated the emptiness she had felt for days. Her cries came out like a child’s; her face became red and ugly. Spittle dripped down her lips, and she didn’t bother to wipe at it. The tears that raced down her cheeks created clean paths on her otherwise filthy face.

She had let them all down. They were right to have doubted her. Leia’s devotion to her had been misplaced. She had failed. _She_ was the monster.

She heard a small noise and she whipped around, falling back against the window. The last of her tears sailed down her cheeks and connected at her chin before hitting the floor with a dainty plop. Her heart dropped like a stone as she finally stood face to face with the man she hadn’t seen in person since Crait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m evil to have stopped it here, I know. I’ll update really soon I promise.  
> I went back and forth with this chapter a lot. A part of me wanted Rey to just abandon her friends on the Falcon in her rage and head straight for the Destroyer, but I don’t think she would do that if she hadn’t completely succumbed to the Dark. I don’t know, I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about some of the choices I made, but I would be curious to hear feedback. Here’s this chapter’s illustration of Rey’s eyes.  
> [ Rey's Dark Eyes ](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Rey-Dark-Eyes-784766769)
> 
>  
> 
> Also, it never occurred to me until I wrote this chapter but Kylo’s eyes aren’t gold…I wonder if they did that on purpose to show he is still conflicted, but just food for thought…


	10. Chapter 10

They stood in silence for a long time, long enough for the tears to cool on Rey’s cheeks. She stared at him and he gazed back, but something about the way he did made her think he wasn’t actually _seeing_ her.

“I trust the Knights have treated you well.” His tone was unnaturally cordial, far different from when they conversed via Force Bond.

Rey didn’t give him a vocal answer. She did, however, scrape her inner cheek with her tongue, gathering up a glob of blood and then spitting the red substance by his feet. His chin tilted down as he inspected the grotesque saliva, and then his eyes flickered up, past her.

“I’ll have a word with them then.”

“Don’t bother,” she replied hoarsely, wincing at how weak she sounded.

He paused for a long time. And then-

“You can use the ‘fresher in the other room.” He turned away from her, and she was thrown. Why was he acting this way? It was like he could barely stand the sight of her.

“Fine,” she said evenly, and he left, disappearing down the tunnel in which she had arrived.

Rey shuffled to the bathing room which held the ‘fresher. She hadn’t had a chance to shower since the explosion on Coruscant, and she was still covered in ash and debris. She should have stripped down right then and scrubbed every inch of filth from her body, but she found she couldn’t. With neither the Dark nor the Light present in her mind, she no longer felt confident about her plan to be here. She felt horribly exposed.

So she stepped into the ‘fresher, fully clothed, and immediately became drenched from head to toe. She let the water cascade down her body for several minutes, before discovering she no longer had the strength to stand. She plopped ungracefully onto the tile and let the water run down her back, creating streaks of dirt on the pristine stone flooring.

She felt so utterly lost without the Force there to guide her. Without Poe or Finn or Luke or…Leia.

Rey’s face twisted in despair, and she lay on her side and curled up into a ball, forcing herself to forget everything so she wouldn’t fall apart. It had been about five days since her last peaceful slumber, so as soon as her temple connected with the stone, oblivion took her.

At some point during the time she lay there, she heard someone come in and turn the ‘fresher off. She was lifted and carried away, her clothing and skin dripping heavily. She was placed somewhere soft, and that was all she remembered before the darkness took her again.

When she awoke, she had no idea what time of day it was or why her clothes were slightly damp. She moved the silk sheets off her body and examined her resting place. She was certain she didn’t crawl into the bed herself, so Kylo must have brought her here. A pit twisted in her stomach at the thought of being so helpless in her anguish.

She realized she was alone in his chambers, so she took the opportunity to poke around, now that she was no longer weary from exhaustion. She wasn’t very surprised or impressed with what she found though. The room was practically barren, save for a couple of pompous decorations that she was sure Kylo himself hadn’t selected. She journeyed to the common area and ran her fingers over the countless bindings of books. Her heart panged as she thought back to the Jedi texts, tucked away in her sack aboard the _Falcon._

Stars, she was a fool.

Luke had tried to warn her, but she had only said those awful things in response, even if they were partly true. Oh, how she wished she could contact him and ask for the guidance she so desperately sought.

But no. She couldn’t feel the Force, even if she wanted to. Part of her was glad. Who was to say she wouldn’t be immediately swarmed by her darkened thoughts again? The pleasure she had experienced from nearly killing Hux was something that made her want to vomit when she thought about it now.

A few hours later Rey discovered it was probably around dinnertime when a servant droid came to deliver her food. She ate the tender sustenance eagerly, not bothering for table manners when no one was around to watch her. As she licked her fingers clean, she frowned. Where was Kylo?  
He had looked so empty when they had spoken. Their tense conversation was not what she had expected their first interaction to be after so many years. Maybe he didn’t know how to feel about her now that she was here. There certainly were plenty of times where she couldn’t figure him out.

Later that evening Rey decided to read instead of meditate. She didn’t think she was in the right mental state for any sort of intense focus at the moment. She curled up in a leather chair in his chamber, vaguely wondering why she was even allowed to be here in the first place, when the door opened.

She glanced up at once and discovered it was him. Wearing that stupid helmet. He didn’t even turn his head towards her, however, and she sat up straighter in her seat. She was starting to grow impatient with his distance.

“Why am I here?” she asked, rising. “Did you realize the cell wasn’t up to my standards?” Usually a comment like that would have made him scowl or snort, but he kept his face blank as he removed his cloak and helmet.

“You’re my guest,” and the way he said it reminded Rey of the first time they had really conversed, when she was strapped down to the interrogation table. Despite everything they had been through, she felt almost exactly as she had then.

“How does Hux feel about this?” Rey prodded, trying to get a reaction from him. “I bet he doesn’t think I deserve the royal treatment, after what I did to him.”

Kylo didn’t answer. He moved over to his desk and rested his gloved palms on the expensive, dark wood. For some reason his silence made her furious. How dare he stand there and not answer her? Not even look at her!

She crossed the room and strode over to him until he was an arm’s length away. “Answer me, you coward!” she spat, reaching out to grasp his shoulder.

He turned so violently that Rey almost tripped. He grasped her wrist and squeezed it to the point of pain, but she merely glared at him in fury. His face twisted with mixed emotions, the most prominent being rage. How utterly fitting for him.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he hissed, and she narrowed her eyes further. “That day, that…that explosion,” he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, and Rey saw a flash of pain cross his face. “I felt her leave,” he said, and his voice broke. Rey stared at him in shock. This was not at all what she had expected. “I felt her leave,” he repeated, “and you were on the Destroyer, and then suddenly I couldn’t feel you anymore.” His hand loosened on her wrist, and he bowed his head. “I thought you had left too.” His voice came out in a tremble.

Rey found it hard to breath. So he knew Leia had died, had known it the moment it happened, as she had. The misery and confusion was clearly written all over his face, and although she currently couldn’t feel his emotions, she knew he was a mess.

“…I was in a cell,” she said slowly. “You could have known at once if you had just asked-”

“You think I don’t know that?” Kylo snapped, his volume rising again. “You think I couldn’t have found that out within moments if I had wanted to? I didn’t want to know.” His breathing was off, and she thought she saw wetness in his eyes before he whipped around again, shielding himself from her. “Part of me hoped you were dead.”

She knew she shouldn’t have been hurt by the admission, but she was. After all the Light he had taken from her, the darkness inside him continued to rage. She wondered if she had even made the impact she had hoped she had. She paused before she moved to him, delicately placing a hand on his shoulder once more. She had to know…

“Ben…please tell me you weren’t the one who ordered the attack on Coruscant.” He didn’t say anything at first, and she awaited his response with baited breath. _Please, oh please, tell me it wasn’t you._

“I didn’t order it,” he said finally, and she almost sighed in relief, but then he said, “But I knew.”

Rey jerked back from him, her face twisting in pain and disbelief. “How could you?” she whispered, her eyes becoming wet despite herself. “I _told_ her it wasn’t you.”

Kylo’s shoulders stiffened, and then he abruptly walked out of his bedchamber. Rey let him go, but looked up when she heard a thunderous crash from the other room. Maybe he had thought it would have been easier for Hux to have done it. He wouldn’t have felt any remorse like he had with Han. But he was wrong. Again. His complacency almost made it all the more worse.

She was tired of giving him chances, but she followed him into the common room anyway.

“So what now? You still want to rule the galaxy? A galaxy based on parricide? Is _this_ the peace you wanted?” She was screaming at his back now, her rage overpowering her despair for his soul. “I gave myself to the darkness for you because I thought it would help change your mind. But all it’s done is broken me in the process.” She felt lightheaded and she slumped to her knees, the fight swiftly leaving her. “Now I feel nothing.”

She closed her eyes and let her head hang. It had all been for nothing. She should have learned her lesson in that blasted throne room, but apparently she was just as naïve as she had been back then.

Rey almost started when she felt Kylo knelt down beside her and try to press his forehead to hers. Her eyes flew open and she made to scramble away, but he held onto her wrists.

“Stop,” he growled, and she did.

They sat in silence for several moments, and Rey was beginning to think he had lost his mind when she felt warmth spread throughout her brain and in her soul. She was greedy for this sensation, one which she hadn’t felt in so long. It was beautiful and precious and after last week she didn’t think she would ever feel it again.

He was sharing some of his Light with her.

She felt the Force thrum in her chest. It was weak, but it was there. The realization of it ricocheted throughout her mind, and she made an effort not to crumple and sob with relief.

When he finished he stood and disappeared back into his chamber. He probably assumed she wouldn’t want to be near him any longer than she had to be. He was right, in a way. A few moments ago she had thought him entirely lost, but now she was more muddled than ever. She wondered miserably how someone so horrible could still be considered redeemable in her mind. Is this something Leia would have still wanted her to pursue?

Rey took a deep breath. There was no point in speculating about questions that couldn’t be answered. She had spent most of her life searching for such things. It was time to act.

With that thought in mind, Rey walked back into the ‘fresher and properly cleaned herself, scrubbing from head to toe this time. She had no idea what Kylo expected from her at this point. She supposed it didn’t even matter. The ceremony was about a month and a half away now, and the Resistance still needed her. Her _friends_ still needed her. In the time she was here she would rebuild the skills and concentration she needed from the Jedi training she remembered. Even if that meant she had to start from scratch.

Once clean, Rey dried her hair and redressed in her wrappings. Her outer tunic was marred with ash so she scrubbed it with water and then hung it to dry. She made her way back into the chamber and discovered Kylo was staring out the window, his face lit in shades of light purple.

She cleared her throat. “You didn’t answer my question.”

To her surprise he actually met her eyes this time. “What?”

“Why am I not in a cell?”

“Do you think a cell can hold you?”

“If you kept the Knights guarding it like you had been,” she pointed out, wondering why she was even doing so.

He frowned. “I was told you turned yourself over. I thought you had come willingly. The cell was merely to calm you down. You were…quite vexed when you arrived.”

Rey’s face hardened. “With good reason.”

“Yes.” He turned to gaze back out the window.

“Where will I sleep?”

Kylo blinked, as if he hadn’t expected the question. “Did you not sleep well in my bed?”

Rey’s face tinged with pink despite herself.  “I slept fine but…have you honestly not thought this through?”

He avoided eye contact, and this time she was certain it had nothing to do with her being in her wrappings. “Until most recent events…I presumed by the time you came to me we would be sharing a bed.”

Her eyes nearly popped out of her skull. She tried to make some sort of outraged noise, but it ended up coming out like a squawk instead. “Well, that was awfully presumptuous of you!”

“I see that now.” He paused. “You take the bed then.”

“I’d rather sleep on the floor,” she argued. It was the principle of it, after all.

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

She could tell he was almost amused, but any sort of lighthearted emotion drained from his face as he remembered the circumstances. “We should discuss your role in the upcoming ceremony…but not tonight.” His expression became irritated. “Your… _incendiary_ arrival has made it difficult for me to convince the First Order you are successor material.”

Rey scowled. “I’m sorry I’ve made things so terribly strenuous for you.”

“Yes, you have,” he replied, ignoring her sarcasm.

Rey couldn’t believe he was still considering ruling the galaxy with her. After all of this did he really think he was stable enough to rule anything? Did he honestly think _she_ was?

“Good night,” she said tersely, not wanting to talk to him anymore.

“Mm.”

Rey marched over to his bed and snatched a pillow before finding the furthest corner in the room. She was sure she could have made herself cozy in a chair or loveseat, but this was her stubborn way of rejecting all of the luxuries he had. If she had to deal with a sore back in the morning then so be it.

A little while later, she heard him climb into his bed, and then the room became dark as he extinguished the lights. Rey lay motionless on her side, staring into the darkness. Despite everything there was a nagging in her mind that wouldn’t be silenced. She sighed, knowing she wouldn’t be able to find sleep until she said it.

“Ben?” she called into the dark.

“Hm?”

“Thank you…for giving me some of your Light.”

“…You’re welcome.”

 

 

            “Do you mind telling me where my saber is?” she asked the next morning as they ate breakfast in the common area. Her meal consisted of thick, creamy, blue milk and delicious stew; it was hands down the best meal she had ever had in her life.

“I have it,” he grunted unhelpfully, stirring his own meal with his spoon.

“Where?”

“I’m not going to tell you yet,” he informed her, pointedly ignoring her outraged look. “The First Order needs to think you’ve succumbed to the Dark. The news of your assault on Hux spread rapidly throughout the ship. While it’s not going to win over any loyalties…it does prove you had the capability of turning to the Dark Side.”

“Had?” she questioned, becoming uncomfortable at the mention of her attack on Hux.

“Had,” he affirmed. “Our Force Bond is broken until you can regain control of the Force…that being said I see now that you will never entirely be able to turn to the Dark.” He cleared his throat and Rey stared at him disbelievingly. “If you could, you already would have.”

She blinked several times, processing this information. “So you’re…giving up on turning me?”

He looked her dead in the eye. “I still expect you to stand by my side. You’re my equal after all, even if that must mean my equal in the Light.”

A bitter taste formed in her mouth as he repeated Snoke’s words. “I didn’t say I was giving up on turning _you.”_

Kylo appeared to be absolutely shocked by this information, but he covered it well. “You’re a foolish girl then.”

“If I wasn’t I wouldn’t be here.”

“Fair enough.”

They ate in silence for several minutes. It wasn’t awful, but there was a tremendous weight between them. Rey knew they were going to have to talk about Leia again eventually, but now was certainly not the time. After they had finished eating, Kylo stood up to leave.

“Where are you going?”

“I have matters to attend to.”

Rey furrowed her eyebrows. “Am I just expected to stay here?”

“For now. I’ll arrange a time when you can make an appearance soon. The Order will need to become familiar with your presence if I am to eventually announce you as my apprentice.”

Rey stared at her plate. She didn’t particularly care what any of the First Order thought about her, but she was curious as to how the Knights would react when Kylo finally made the announcement. Surely they would expect their Supreme Leader to choose one of them for pledging their loyalty to him for so many years.

She shook her head to clear it. Their opinions didn’t mean anything to her, but still, the thought made her become aware that she might have an even larger target on her back than she had realized.

Kylo left, and she took the opportunity to attempt to meditate for the first time in a week. She sat on the floor for what felt like hours, her spine straight and her legs crossed, but she couldn’t focus her mind. She definitely sensed the Force, but it was so slippery she found she couldn’t get a grasp on it long enough to achieve a meditative state. This was particularly poor timing for her lapse in ability, considering she would have loved to be able to eavesdrop on Kylo while he attended First Order meetings. Finally, after struggling to concentrate for several hours, Rey became frustrated with her lack of progress, and opted to snoop around again.

She had already explored his extensive collection of books, so this time she decided to poke around his bedchamber. She leafed through his drawers, hoping to find something useful or at the very least interesting, but she came up empty handed. His dresser contained nothing but rows and rows of black clothing; even his underwear had ebony tones. Rey shut his drawers abruptly, finding it unnerving to think that the First Order’s Supreme Leader wore boxers.

She went over to his desk next, immediately digging her fingers into the back of the closest drawer. She didn’t find anything of substance, but she did locate a piece of paper covered with beautiful calligraphy. Upon closer inspection, Rey discovered her name had been written several times in various styles. She blinked at the paper, shocked that a name as plain as hers could be so stunning on paper. The ink didn’t appear to be that old, making Rey wonder if this work had been recent. Her heart suddenly ached for Ben Solo, so she selfishly tucked the scrap of paper into her tunic.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/168737032@N02/47220960342/in/dateposted-public/)

She continued to poke around his chamber and then finally came across something that made her heart stop. In the back of a bureau, her fingers flitted across something soft and cotton, and when she removed the doll her hands were shaking. Something about seeing the item in the flesh did something powerful to her body, and for a moment she thought she could feel traces of their connection. She turned the fragile body over, wondering again why he had kept this for himself. After much deliberation, Rey ultimately tucked it back into place, not wanting him to know that she had found it.

Once she was satisfied with her exploring for the day, Rey retired to the ‘fresher, removing all of her clothing and stepping under the warm spray of the water. It wasn’t until she ran her fingers through her hair that she realized how long it had grown. She frowned, deciding it was a bit too long for her liking.

She stepped out of the ‘fresher and searched for a towel, finally coming across one-it was black, of course-before she wrapped it around her body and shuffled back into Kylo’s bedchamber in search of a blade. She made sure to tuck the top of the towel into itself so she could utilize both hands in her search.

_For Kriff’s sake, there has to be something around here,_ she thought irritably as she rifled through his clothing drawer once more. _Maybe he has something hidden under his clothes…_

She had just summoned up the courage to grab fistfuls of his underwear when she heard him clear his throat from behind her.

Rey gasped and nearly slipped on the puddle of water she had created before she whipped around, pressing her bare upper back to his dresser. She released the underwear she had been holding, and they fluttered gracefully to the ground like black petals.

“Might I ask what you are doing?” She could tell he was beyond amused, which just made her angry and embarrassed. She wasn’t ready for them to be all buddy-buddy again.

“I-I’m not some sort of… _disturbed_ person, I was just-my hair and…” she huffed, recognizing there was no way she could seem sane in this situation. “I was looking for a blade for my hair. It’s too long.”

Kylo studied her as if he were thinking something over, and the way his eyes ran up and down made Rey remember she was only wearing a towel. She tensed as he swiftly advanced towards her, drawing his saber.

She blinked in disbelief. “What are you-”

“Turn around,” he instructed, and when she didn’t he firmly grasped her shoulder and spun her so her front pressed against the dresser. Her cheeks burned with shame. How humiliating it was to be in such a position! She swore to all the stars in the universe that she would get him back for this.

She felt his gloved hand slide under her wet hair and hold it away from her body. She heard the unmistakable sound of his saber igniting, and then before she could protest, she heard the buzz of his weapon, and a couple of inches of her hair swirled to the ground. It was silent in the room except for the buzz of his weapon.

“Would you like me to take more off?” he eventually asked.

She most certainly didn’t!

She shook her head stubbornly and shuffled back into the ‘fresher just as a droid came in to clean up the mess. Rey grumbled to herself as she shifted under the spray. He was treating her like a child!

As she ran her hands through her wet hair again, however, she had to admit his handiwork was impeccable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, some sexual tension, and Rey finally gets to step out of that room! Here’s this chapter’s illustration. Fun fact: Ben's handwriting might be beautiful but mine is terrible! [ Kylo Calligraphy ](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Kylo-Ren-Calligraphy-785396681)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to everyone who takes the time to comment and leave kudos. :)

            She knew she was in trouble when she dreamed about him that night.

Rey didn’t like to think of herself as a sexual being, mostly because such things seemed silly to her, especially now with the war. Sure, she had heard some of the rebels had a reputation for themselves back on base-Poe’s name had unsurprisingly been on that list-but she had never thought much about it. Sex wasn’t something that she ever thought would appeal to her, and she couldn’t see herself in a situation like that, unless she could use it as a necessary instrument.

Her subconscious, apparently, had other ideas.

She envisioned her body bent over that dresser, her palms planted firmly against the glossy wood. Her wet hair had been brushed to the side and her towel was hiked up, exposing the backs of her thighs to the cold air. She shivered as she felt the unmistakable touch of a gloved hand glide over the back of her calf, moving up. The touch lingered there for a few moments before withdrawing, and Rey almost turned around to see what had happened when she felt a rough smack to her head, and then she was instantly awake.

She sat up at once, rubbing her aching temple as she realized she had rolled off of her pillow. As she fully regained her consciousness, she began to piece together the images of her dream, and she found something ached between her legs. She snuck a glance over to the bed, and it appeared her awakening hadn’t disturbed Kylo. She sighed in relief. Her handle of the Force was still too weak for them to maintain a strong connection. While at first she had seen this as a burden, she was beginning to realize having only her own thoughts in her mind came in handy, especially in humiliating situations such as this one.

Figuring it was probably early morning, Rey decided to settle into a meditative position and attempt to find balance once more. She closed her eyes, breathing in and out slowly. Sometimes she could feel herself getting close, but each time she thought she had retained her focus it leapt out of her grasp. She opened her eyes, growling in frustration, but paused when she noticed Kylo sitting on the edge of his bed watching her.

Huh, she hadn’t heard him stir. Maybe she was making progress after all. Or…maybe he was just annoyingly stealthy.

Rey took in his mussed hair and loose fitting shirt. It was askew from his slumber, offering her a peak of his muscled collar. Rey hastily looked away as her dream came rushing back.

“I could try to help you,” Kylo offered, getting up from his bed and walking over to where she sat on the floor.

“No thank you,” she replied, trying to sound as polite as she could, but he snorted in response.

“Your concentration’s abysmal. I can teach you-”

“We’re not doing that anymore,” she snapped, choosing to stare straight ahead instead of at him. She saw him stiffen out of the corner of her eye, so she tried to keep her features neutral when he crouched down and grasped her chin with his fingers, turning her face to look at him.

“Do you think you get to decide when our deal is off?” he inquired carefully.

Rey stared at him intently. “You have morning breath,” she replied childishly, and with an exasperated huff he released her.

She heard him move into the ‘fresher, heard the sound of the water spray and she tried not to think about what that would entail. Stars, she needed to get out of this room and _soon._

So when he reemerged, his hair damp with water, she decided to confront him on his promise.

“You said I would be able to leave,” she pushed.

“Not yet.”

Rey bristled. “At least give me my saber. It’s not much to ask considering everything else you’ve taken from me.”

Oops. She actually hadn’t meant to start with him so early, but it was too late now. Well, they were bound to fight about this eventually. Kylo’s face drastically darkened from her comment, and he gritted his teeth.

“Careful, Jedi.”

Oh, he was angry. It had been a while since she had heard that one.

Rey lifted her chin, trying to add a few inches to her otherwise average height. “Why should I be? I’m your equal, aren’t I? I don’t bow before you.”

“You’re hardly my equal when you can’t even find the Force.”

She flinched. That one had hurt. He must have realized this too, for he suddenly seemed uncomfortable. She ignored his remorse.

“Why should I keep our deal when you’ve admitted I won’t turn?” she prodded, choosing instead to bring up his earlier question.

His eyebrows furrowed. “You _agreed_ to become my apprentice.”

“I said I would _consider_ the formality of it.” Rey shook her head. “You don’t care about the First Order. Your life isn’t with them. You could achieve so much more.”

“I will with you by my side.”

“That isn’t the way!” She walked right up to him, glaring, until they were practically nose-to-nose. “I asked you to show me a memory once. About your family. Let me show you one with mine.”

Kylo stared at her suspiciously, and she could see the silent question in his eyes. He didn’t believe she had a family. Well, she did, in more ways than he could ever know.

She didn’t wait for his response. She leaned down and took his hand, which was still bare from his shower. She stared at it for a moment, realization and shame coating her expression.

“I…might need more of an effort from your end,” she muttered, her face reddening at her admission. The sooner she regained control of the Force the better.

He seemed pleased with the statement, however, and that was enough to sway him to enter her mind. If only he knew what she had in store for him, then he wouldn’t have been so eager.

She took him back to when she sat aboard the _Falcon,_ Leia’s hand in her own. The General couldn’t speak, but she just stared at Rey as the younger woman rambled about old memories. Memories that weren’t even her own. As soon as the tear slipped out of Leia’s eye, Kylo wrenched himself violently from her mind and jerked away from her.

“That was a disturbed trick,” he barked, although Rey could see the memory had affected him much more than he was letting on. His hands curled and uncurled in fury and agony. “I didn’t know she would die,” he bit out, his words tainted with hurt.

She believed him, but this somehow made her all the more troubled. He may not have actively sought Leia’s demise, but he had been willing to step back and let her die. And for a cause he didn’t even believe in. He didn’t say anything else for several moments, and Rey took this as her opportunity to close the emotional gap between them again.

“Stop pretending, Ben,” she said gently. “It’s me.”

Finally, _finally,_ that did it. She could see the last of his wall breaking down, and his shoulders slumped. He moved over to a chair and buried his face in his hands. She couldn’t tell if he was crying or not, but his misery was so powerful that it broke through her barrier of detachment. She let him feel on his own for a few moments before coming to sit on the floor by his side, her palm on his knee. He grasped her hand at once and pressed it to his face.

“You better not leave,” he said, but it sounded more like a plea than a command.

A pang of emotion hit Rey squarely in the chest. “I won’t,” she promised, finding it wasn’t a lie. She couldn’t leave him, _wouldn’t_ leave him. She didn’t think she ever could, not after all they had been through together. In that moment she recognized that if he was going down so was she. The truth of it shook her to her core.

 

  

            As usual, Kylo had to leave for some meeting or other, and Rey was left alone again, feeling trapped like an animal. She attempted to meditate again without much luck, so instead she chose to practice the Jedi poses she knew by heart. It felt good to train to some degree again, and as she moved through each position, her body began to loosen, and she felt rejuvenated. The Force thrummed through her center weakly, but it remained consistent, and that was enough for the moment.

She really wished she had her saber.

The thought of being restrained like this made her frustrated, so she began to move through the poses with more aggression. Soon she was soaked in sweat, so she removed her clothes until only her wrappings remained. She didn’t stop when she heard the tunnel door open, assuming it was just Kylo back from his gathering. She did, however, freeze when she heard the click of a tongue, and suddenly her sweat became cold against her back.

Rey whipped around and sure enough, Admiral Hux himself glowered back at her. His eyes held trace amounts of wariness, but overall he seemed to just regard her with contempt. His lip curled in disdain as his eyes ran over her scantily clad body, and Rey tried not to reveal how uncomfortable she was. It wasn’t as though he studied her with desire, no, if anything he found the sight of her repulsive and dirty, but it was the arrogance and superiority he held in his gaze.

There was something else there too. Suspicion. Not necessarily of her, but _about_ her. He was wondering what Kylo’s intentions were with her.

“Why are you here?” she spat, straightening her spine. “Surely the Supreme Leader wouldn’t want you in his chambers without his permission,” she said it mockingly, hoping the tone would offset his haughtiness. To her disappointment, it didn’t work.

Hux released a dignified snort in response. “The _Supreme Leader_ knows very well I am here. And _surely_ even you are intelligent enough to differentiate the common area from a bedchamber.” His voice came out with a scratchy edge, and Rey wondered if that was a result of her attack or not.

She glared back, deciding to use the memory as a threat. She took a step towards Hux, raising her arm. “Get on with it then. Do your duty and be quick about it. Unless you need a reminder that you should fear me more than your own leader.” It was a bluff, of course, she couldn’t have hurt him with the Force even if she wanted to, but it was satisfying to see Hux’s bottom lip twitch in apprehension.

He cleared his throat in faux politeness, and smoothed down the front of his shirt. “You’ll be disappointed then to hear my task is not a brief one. I am to escort you down to the main dining hall were you shall be provided with a nourishing meal.”

Every part of his statement was condescending, but Rey didn’t pay attention to that. Her eyes widened in disbelief. Why would Kylo entrust _Hux_ of all people to act as her personal guard? She was sure the Knights of Ren would have been the reasonable choice for such a bizarre errand. She wondered with a flicker of irritation if Kylo thought her so helpless that even Hux would be able to overpower her if she tried anything funny. But no, that wasn’t it was it? He had mentioned he wanted the crew to become familiar with her presence. She came to the conclusion that Kylo was testing her. If she could comply with Hux under little to no guard, then the First Order may begin to think she no longer had ties with the Resistance. Part of her hated how he had done this without telling her, but she had to admit it was a clever ploy. Besides, her desire to leave the room far outweighed any irritation she had with Kylo’s ambiguity.

Rey lifted her chin, composing herself in a manner that matched Hux’s fake cordiality. “Very well. Lead the way, Admiral.”

If Hux was surprised by her sudden change in demeanor, he didn’t show it. He turned around and strode back into the tunnel, not checking to see if she was following. Rey scrambled to put on her outer layers before walking briskly to catch up with him.

Stars, it was amazing to be in an open space again, even if it was the Star Destroyer. She trailed Hux down a series of railings and corridors, his bright hair contrasting with the stark white of the walls. Her head swiveled to take in her surroundings, and she was pleased to discover some of the areas they passed looked familiar. She was so busy glancing around that she had to stop abruptly to keep from colliding with Hux’s back.

“We’re here. Try not to make a scene,” he drawled, before stepping to the side and typing in a code on the door. The metal paneling lifted and Hux stared at her, apparently expecting her to enter without him. Oh, what a shame; she was really starting to enjoy his company.

As the door came down behind her, she realized Kylo had practically thrown her to the Hutts. There were at least two hundred Stormtroopers at various tables, some talking to each other, but mostly just eating silently. Upon her arrival, however, the room became dead silent as dozens of heads swiveled to inspect her. It was unnerving, having so many men and women gaze at her without their helmets. It humanized them, and Rey became slightly unsettled that she had taken so many lives upon her arrival.

Just as she was beginning to wonder if she was expected to eat with all these eyes on her, a distorted male voice sounded from her back left.

“As you were.”

Immediately all of the heads ducked to their trays, and Rey exhaled as a small weight lifted off her shoulders. She turned as Kylo came up to her, and she was more unsettled than she would have liked, seeing him in his helmet. She supposed it made sense. Concealing his face in front of the Stormtroopers most likely bolstered intimidation, but she didn’t like him like this. This image of him made the peaceful man who loved to draw seem like nothing more than a figment of her imagination.

She was also uncomfortable because she really didn’t know how she was supposed to treat him in front of his subordinates. Was she to confront him and cement the visual of the blasphemous Jedi in their eyes? Or was she to bow and quiver under his might? Well, there was no kriffing way she was doing the latter, even if he had told her otherwise, so she just stared back into the void of his helmet, trying to create a mask of her own.

“Where should I sit, Supreme Leader?” she asked, loud enough for her voice to carry across the room. Her tone wasn’t quite rude, but it was defiant enough that she noticed several of the Troopers paused in their eating. She wished she could see Kylo’s expression, because in her current state she could not feel him. He was a blank slate.

He stepped behind her and placed a gloved hand on her shoulder. The knuckles of his gloves appeared to be wound tightly, but the pressure he applied was minimal. He guided her over to a corner where a small metal bench was set up. On top of the structure was a tray with various assortments of food. Rey gave him an incredulous look. Apparently she was to eat in this corner like a petulant child. Okay, so she _was_ petulant. But she had reason to be.

Instead of making a scene, however, she just sat on the bench and stuffed some of the food into her mouth. Kylo watched her for a moment before leaving, and Rey could practically feel the tension in the room dissipate when he exited. As she ate, a couple Stormtroopers snuck glances of her from over their shoulders, but she ignored them, mostly because she hadn’t decided what angle she should play. If she came on too strongly, then Kylo’s plan wouldn’t work, and she needed it to work for the Resistance. Then again, if she didn’t put up some sort of a fight every now and then, people would start to wonder what was going on in Kylo’s chambers that made her so compliant.

Her cheeks reddened in irritation as she thought back to Hux. The man seemed so cocky, as if he had her all figured out, when in fact he didn’t know the first thing about her. Still, Rey knew she shouldn’t completely ignore him. He had the loyalties of the military after all, and if he pulled a fast move and decided to dethrone Kylo, then there wouldn’t even be a ceremony for the Resistance to ambush.

Speak of the devil.

She wasn’t even finished eating, but sure enough the Admiral was there, all but tapping his foot to indicate his impatience. Rey crammed a roll into her mouth and stood up, following Hux out of the room and back down the corridors.

She wasn’t looking forward to the long walk back with him, but once she had swallowed her roll she figured this could be a good time to try and extract information. Rey knew she wasn’t the most subtle, and she certainly wasn’t articulate, but riling Hux up was the best option she had at the moment, given she wasn’t exactly one with the Force.

Well, here went nothing.

“How’s your throat?” she asked casually, and Hux sputtered in surprise and indignation. He kept his face straight ahead, but Rey could see the tips of his ears turning red.

“Fine. Thank you for the inquiry.”

He certainly wasn’t making conversation easy. She had to give it to the man; he was slippery. “I’m sure you’re used to it. Kylo Ren isn’t known throughout the galaxy as someone who takes incompetence lightly.”

Hux ignored the insult, his voice becoming silky. “Hm. But as you said, his power is nothing compared to yours.” His pace slowed until she was almost walking beside him. Almost. “I highly doubt even the _Supreme Leader_ has the capability to defeat an opponent as powerful as the Emperor Snoke, not to mention his Praetorian guards all on his own.” He paused, a poisonous smile tracing across his mouth. “As you have done.” He let the implication hang in the air, and Rey recognized he was letting her know that he didn’t buy the story for a second.

Good. Now they were getting somewhere.

“I’ve heard Kylo Ren is seeking an apprentice,” she said, treading lightly. “Do you know anything about that?”

“Of course.”

“But not you.”

“I can’t imagine I’m up for consideration,” Hux responded pleasantly.

“So the throne doesn’t appeal to you, then?” Rey questioned innocently. Hux halted, and Rey realized they had come to the entrance of the tunnel. He didn’t seem like he was going to follow her in, so she knew she had to act fast in order to get the information she needed. “ I don’t believe that,” she mused, pretending to study him.

He smirked, her gaze not fazing him in the slightest. “It’s a pity that you are the way you are. Impulsive and filthy. We really are nothing alike.” He paused. “That is, unless we share a common enemy.” He narrowed his eyes, watching her reaction.

She blinked in surprise. Was he offering her an alliance? If so, then it would be short-lived, as all he would really need her for was to dethrone Kylo, or perhaps he hoped they would kill each other in the process. That certainly would be a treat for him. Now that she knew how desperate he was to get rid of his Supreme Leader, Rey decided to play right into his hands.

“You mean the Resistance?” she inquired, purposely playing dumb. He knew what she was doing, and he looked extremely pleased.

“Of course.”

As she turned and disappeared down the tunnel, Rey let out a massive breath of relief. Finally, she had at least accomplished something. She had been so tired of feeling useless. She had an awful taste in her mouth from being so polite to the man who had a direct hand in killing Leia, but she had to bury those emotions if she wanted to appear convincing.

Hux’s willingness to imply a partnership with her was enough evidence to make Rey believe he was definitely planning a mutiny, and soon. Maybe even before the ceremony. She, of course, couldn’t let that happen, but if she found a way to stall him, to make her think she was considering the offer, than she could prolong it until the Resistance attacked, when it would no longer even be a problem.

Rey crossed to the ‘fresher as soon as she could, tugging at her hair with a bit of stress. First Kylo, and now Hux. Making deals with the First Order was taking years off her life.

She would tell Kylo of this information, figuring it was the best thing to do. It would give him more reason to trust her, and more evidence to convince him that running away with her would be the better option. Sure, he could argue that together they could annihilate Hux easily, but something told her he might be more hesitant if he suddenly had to fend off an army of thousands.

Much later, when she was busy reading a book, Kylo returned to his chamber, removing his helmet and cloak and setting them aside. His eyes fell on her, curled up in his chair, and he moved to sit at the edge of his bed.

“You did well today.”

Rey regarded him coolly. “That means a great deal considering you didn’t bother to tell me what was going on.”

Kylo raised an eyebrow. “If I did your reactions wouldn’t have been genuine.”

Rey opened her mouth to argue, but she shut it again just his quickly. He was right. She sat up in the chair instead, shutting her book. “Hux propositioned me today.” She frowned at the way Kylo’s eyes darkened, and she held up her hand before he could explode. “Not in the way you’re thinking.”

His outrage gradually changed to curiosity. “What then?”

Rey idly traced the binding of the book. “He mentioned that he and I might have a common enemy.”

Kylo snorted before rising and moving to his dresser. “I’m sure he managed to sway you with little effort.” He removed his belt and tucked it into one of the drawers.

 “I thought you would want to know.”

“Hux has always been a pain in my side. That doesn’t mean I fear him.”

“Well you _should_ if he decides to turn his entire army against you,” she said sharply, standing up.

He glowered. “I think you mean _my_ army.”

“We’ll see,” Rey said evenly, not believing how obtuse he was being. She watched him gather a change of clothes and move out of the room, probably with the intent to step into the ‘fresher. She followed him there; she wasn’t done speaking yet. “Don’t you see how much easier it would be if you and I were to leave now? You wouldn’t have to worry about a mutiny.”

“No, I’d just have rebel scum breathing down my neck for all eternity.” They entered the bathing room and Kylo jerked his head in dismissal, but she ignored him.

“How is that any different than what’s happening right now?” she argued.

“If I say I’ll consider it, will you leave me be?”

“That depends if you mean it.”

Kylo smirked. “Why would I leave when I already have what I want?”

Rey felt her cheeks warm because she wasn’t certain if he meant her or the entire galaxy. The fact that the two were even comparable in his eyes was bewildering.

“You’re impossible,” she growled, finally turning around and leaving the bathing room.

 

 

            As Rey fluffed her pillow, preparing for another night on the floor, she felt Kylo’s eyes on her. She moved her head to look at him.

“If I’m to make myself known for the next month, I have a request.”

The corner of his mouth turned up in amusement. “I’m listening.”

She raised her chin. “I want to go to a training room.”

She watched him consider this. “Fine, but you understand I can’t give you your saber.”

“Why not?”

“Just give it time.”

Rey scoffed and focused her attention on her pillow, giving it a couple more adjustments. His eyes were still on her. “What?” she asked tiredly, abandoning her efforts with the pillow.

“Sleep in my bed tonight.”

Rey choked. “W-wha…No!”

“Not even if it will reconnect our bond? Being so close to one another?”

 “There’s no way you can know that would work,” she muttered. Besides, he had ulterior motives. She just knew it.

He didn’t seem bothered by her refusal, which only made her more suspicious. She lay down on her side and stared at the opposite wall until she heard him settle into his bed. The room became dark, and she shut her eyes. Eventually, she tried to reach out with the Force, just to prove him wrong. She could repair herself without his help. After several minutes of focusing, she found she was beginning to sense him. She could tell he had fallen asleep. Rey grinned at her success. These were baby steps, but they made her all the more hopeful that her abilities would return.

As she dug deeper into his subconscious, she found he was having a nightmare. Snoke. Leia. Luke. Han. Herself. The images were too quick for her to gauge what they specifically contained, but they were strong enough for Rey to become lightheaded from the darkness that permeated him. She released her grip and opened her eyes to discover she hadn’t moved from her position at all.

She sat up and glanced over at the bed, the footboard blocking her view of his form. She had a mental tug of war of whether or not she should go over and wake him up. If she did he would know she had been trying to leaf through his mind. But then she sighed, remembering how he had woken her when he had sensed her nightmares. Damn him.

Rey stood up and shuffled over to his bedside. He appeared rather peaceful despite the misery she knew was raging beneath the surface. She sat down beside him and moved a hand over his forehead. He was sweating.

“Ben,” she said, shaking him gently. “Wake up.”

He jolted, and then came to instantly. He blinked up at her in the dazed confusion of his half-sleep. “Rey,” he murmured.

“You were having a nightmare.”

“I know that.”

Rey rolled her eyes. This is the thanks she got for being nice. She raised an eyebrow when he moved his sheets aside. “What are you doing?”

“Get in.”

She snorted. “I didn’t come over here to sleep with you.”

“I know you aren’t comfortable on the floor.”

“If you’re so concerned for my back, you should request another mattress,” she snapped, but with less bite than she had intended.

“Please.”

She couldn’t see his face in the dark, but she could tell from his tone that he was requesting this time, instead of demanding. She looked into her lap. She was lying if she said the idea wasn’t tempting, but there was just so much wrong with it. Even so, she could feel his Light pulsing in his chest, and the desire for that feeling again in itself was enough to win her over.

She buried her face in her hands and let out a low, frustrated groan.

“Move over,” she grumbled, and she knew he was trying to hide how delighted he was when he complied with her order.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m the worst. I know. I’m sorry. Thank you to all my patient readers who have kept up with this slow-burn! More romance on the horizon.


	12. Chapter 12

            Rey knew she could have found sleep instantly if she tried. She had underestimated how good it would feel to be back in a bed after sleeping on the floor for almost a week. Despite the seductive comfort of the mattress beneath her, however, she just couldn’t quell the pit of anxiety in her stomach and the overwhelming feeling of how utterly disturbed this was.

“Relax,” Kylo said lowly. “I can feel how uneasy you are from here.”

“You can feel me?” she clarified, and he nodded. “Well…I’ve been meditating. Maybe it’s working.”

“I could still help you.”

“I’m not taking any more of the Dark.”

“I’m not asking you to.”

She was silent. So he was just offering out of the goodness of his heart then. Now _that_ was unsettling. Rey nearly jumped out of her skin, when he brushed a bare hand along her shoulder. It wasn’t so much the intimacy of the gesture that surprised her; it was the amount of Light she could feel coursing through his veins. He gave her a taste with every touch, and she greedily drank from it. Within seconds, she could feel the Force beating throughout her, the strongest it had been since her arrival on the Destroyer. To her dismay she also felt the Dark lurking beneath the surface, but even that was a good sign. It meant she was closer to finding the Force than she thought, and with the Force came natural conflict.

“Thank you, Ben,” she said quietly, appreciative once again for the darkened room. She knew she didn’t have the nerve to maintain eye contact with him at the moment.

“Why do you insist on calling me that?”

She frowned, confused by his sudden curiosity. “It’s your name.”

Kylo was silent and then, “Don’t ever say that name around anyone else.”

Rey’s heart sank. This was obvious of course, but it still proved he was detached from his former self. “Do you want me to stop?” she asked glumly.

He swallowed. “No. I…like how you say it.”

Something flipped low in her stomach as she thought back to his fantasies. Yes…he did like it when she said his name. Quite a bit, actually.

“I’ll give you an hour to train tomorrow,” he continued, oblivious to her thoughts. “Then I’d like to see your progress.”

“Alright.” That was fair enough, she supposed. She moved a palm up to stifle a yawn. “Good night then.”

“…Good night.”

Rey already knew, even as she was falling asleep, that she would drift to him in the night. It was impossible not to, when her body so desperately yearned to feel the entirety of the Force again. She had to admit though; she was impressed by his restraint. His touches, while lingering, didn’t extend beyond her shoulder or her hip, for which she was grateful. There was still a large part of her mind that felt incredibly guilty for allowing herself to become so close to him again…in more ways than one.

 

 

            The next morning, after mere Stormtroopers escorted her to the training room, Rey was able to hear whispers of possible Resistance sightings in the area. Kylo had been absent when she woke up, and now she knew why. He was in a meeting to discuss the First Order’s next course of action.

Tensions were high within the Destroyer, and Rey could venture as to why that was. Today marked exactly one month until the ceremony, and from what she gathered, the topic of Kylo’s potential successor was highly contested.

Rey tried to clear her mind and keep a neutral expression whenever the ceremony was mentioned. No one on board other than herself knew of the Resistance’s attack, and she had to keep it that way. It was either that or everyone she knew and loved would be doomed. 

As she entered the training room she expected the Stormtroopers to stay and watch over her, but they left as soon as she had crossed to the center of the floor. She was immediately suspicious. Something wasn’t right. Instead of making a scene, however, Rey moved to study the wall of weaponry while simultaneously keeping eyes at the back of her head.

Her options for weapons were limited. She assumed they were all lightsaber resistant, but none of them really suited her style. Her eyes roamed over the various blades and hatchets until she came across a long staff with an edge at the end. Well, at least she would know how to wield this.

As she removed the staff from the wall, she sensed a disturbance in the Force. There were signatures, several of them, and Rey knew the Knights of Ren were behind her before she even turned around.

They stood opposite her, all of their faces concealed under their gaudy helmets. The variety in their clothing was limited, and Rey had to keep from smirking in amusement. They probably thought they looked intimidating.

“You’re here to watch over me then?” she inquired coolly, using the staff to lean to the side.

One of them stepped forward. “We want to see what the infamous Jedi who defeated our Emperor can do.”

Ah. So they apparently bought that story. Well, they were loyal to Kylo. If he said jump they probably asked how high.

“I’d perform better with a saber.”

That made a couple of them chuckle, but she was well aware it was at her expense. She was already tired of speaking to them, so she turned her back and began to run through some of her poses. She felt clumsy with this new weapon though, and the six pairs of eyes that followed her certainly weren’t helping her confidence. When she began to pick up speed she felt a sudden shift in the Force and she lurched forward, catching herself on her knees, her staff clattering out of her hand.

She gritted her teeth and stood up at once, picking up her weapon. She didn’t bother asking which one of them had done that. She just wished her grasp was strong enough so she could tell for herself.

Rey began to repeat her forms again, tightening her limbs when she felt her arms start to shake. She knew she was making a fool of herself. The Knights probably had heard terrifying stories of her, but all they had seen so far was a feeble girl barely strong enough to confidently keep her balance.

When she was tripped with the Force again, however, she became angry. She whipped out her hand to one of them, the Knight whose helmet was pointed at the front, and his saber came sailing towards her, only be caught in the air by it’s owner and tugged back effortlessly. She didn’t have the time to curse her own weakness, for an enormous pressure caused her to crash to her knees again. The Knights advanced; they were livid now.

“Pathetic Jedi,” spat the one whose saber she had tried to steal, and he gave her a kick in the ribs for good measure.

Another one, the tallest of them, shot out his hand to retrieve her staff and then tossed it at her. It was a miracle she caught it, with the speed it was flying.

“Maybe we should see how well your master has trained you,” another one quipped, reaching for his lightsaber.

“No,” the one with the pointed helmet said, withdrawing his own saber. “Let me.”

The other Knights conceded and stepped back to allow the Knight she had wronged to seek his revenge. Rey grimaced as she shakily rose to her feet, her teeth bared and her eyebrows furrowed in determination. The Force may not have been with her as much as she would have liked, but that didn’t mean she was about to go down easily. Her grip on her weapon tightened just as the Knight ignited his saber, and with a yell she went for him.

She discovered very quickly that unlike the Praetorian guards, who had spun gracefully out of the way to avoid her assaults, the Knight held his ground and took the full force of her blow. He pushed back and she stumbled for a moment before lashing out again. This time he ducked, and their weapons collided with a rain of sparks. Rey grunted in frustration. This wasn’t a fair fight without her saber, but she would have to make due.

She kicked out with her foot and landed a hard blow to his stomach, forcing the Knight back. Before he could recover, Rey spun and cracked her staff so forcefully against his helmet that he crumpled.

She didn’t even have time to celebrate, for another Knight was on her before she could even blink. It appeared as though they all wanted to have a turn with her. Fine.

Rey grunted as she spun her staff expertly, cutting this new opponent-the one with leather paddings on his shoulder and chest-harshly in the side. The Knight yelled in fury and pain, the noise sounding even more awful with the distortion of the helmet technology. Rey didn’t pity him though, not even as she lunged again and sank her blade into his thigh.

When she moved onto the next one, she began to feel a familiar thrumming in her chest. The Force. It wasn’t quite all the way there, but it still beat inside her, reminding her of who she was. Her heart could have leapt with joy if she weren’t so preoccupied.

Unfortunately, even with her renewed strength, it appeared the Knights were getting sick of her games. They began to gain up on her now, and even at her strongest Rey knew she couldn’t take on six Force sensitive warriors. They weren’t aiming to kill, but they intended wound brutally. One of their sabers scrapped down the back of her shoulder and she fell to the ground, rolling out of the way before she could be hit again.

She wouldn’t win this assault. She knew that, and so did they, because after she had fallen they barely even used their sabers, choosing instead to use the Force to throw her violently to the ground again and again. Rey discovered after only a few minutes of this she could barely see out of her right eye, and came to the conclusion that her face must have swelled up. They soon stopped, and she was foolish enough to think that it was over. Instead, the one she had impaled in the thigh limped over to her and lifted her by the throat with the Force, and she thrashed like a fish.

She must have looked ridiculous, flailing like that. She was suddenly thankful that her connection with Luke was severed because she didn’t want him to see her like this. See how far she had fallen.

Then, she heard a tremendous crack and the torture stopped. She fell so hard on her tailbone that she thought for a moment she had broken it, but then she caught a glimpse of the Knight who had been choking her and realized she was far better off than he.

He lay on his back gasping in pain as the white of his collarbone poked out of his chest. His neck was angled in such an unnatural way that his helmet had moved up, and Rey caught a glimpse of short, blonde hair clinging to the base of his head.

“I thought I made my orders clear,” Kylo’s filtered voice rang throughout the training room.

He was enraged. She knew he was, but the sudden spike of terror that overtook the other Knights overpowered it. Something about their reactions made Rey believe Kylo rarely took his aggression out on them.

“Don’t disappoint me again,” he said, and the Knights instantly knelt, bowing their heads. Kylo lifted his wrist to where his mouth was. “Send in a med-droid.” His head swiveled to examine the broken Knight on the floor, still moaning in pain, before he turned to look at Rey, who gazed up at him from the ground. “Jedi, with me.”

He moved ahead without looking to see if she followed. She did of course, but she could feel the eyes of five Knights following her out the door. If she didn’t already have a target on her back, she was sure she did now.

Kylo didn’t speak to her as they walked, and all she could see of him was his billowing cloak and the rounded head of his helmet. She lifted a hand to gingerly touch the side of her face and winced when a shock of pain reverberated across her cheekbone. She suspected she would have bruising on her face and neck, a burnt shoulder, a broken rib and maybe even a concussion. Even so, she would rather take that then the Knight’s gruesome injury.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/168737032@N02/46549722834/in/dateposted-public/)

When they entered Kylo’s chamber, she expected him to be on her in an instant, hounding her with questions. He didn’t though, opting to move over to his dresser and remove his helmet and cloak. She didn’t know how to take his silence, so she went to the ‘fresher to clean her skin of blood and shoe polish.

After she dried her hair and body, she dressed in only her wrappings, for she could hear the distinct beeps of a med-droid waiting outside the bathroom for her. She gathered her outer clothes in her arms and shuffled back into his bedroom, trying not to be perturbed at that fact that he had barely moved. Rey sat down as the med-droid tended to her shoulder burns and gave her a cool compress for her face. It was only when she hissed in pain did Kylo finally turn.

She knew he was upset, but she couldn’t tell if it with because of her or the Knights of Ren. She was in too much pain to figure him out right now, so she just patted her face with the compress until the swelling had subsided substantially.

The med-droid gave its diagnosis. Other than the burns on her shoulder and the bruising on her cheek and ribs, she only had a minor concussion. Well finally, some good news. As the droid left, Rey set down the compress and adjusted the bacta patch on her shoulder.

“What are you thinking?” she asked him from where she sat. It felt odd that this was the first time she vocalized such a question, but then again she had usually been able to tell just by reaching out.

Kylo glanced away. “Nothing.”

Rey sighed, knowing the next statement was going to eat away at her pride. “I’d like to accept your offer…to find the Force again. I was able to feel it today but the situation became…complicated.” She caught his grimace before his face became blank again. “I wish you would just tell me what you’re thinking,” she said again.

“It was hard to watch you,” he murmured at last.

Rey swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

She blinked. “I don’t know,” she admitted.

He seemed like he was about to respond, but something next to her caught his eye. He came across the room and reached into the pile of her outer clothing. It was only when he retracted a crumpled up piece of paper did she feel a flush creep up her neck.

“You’ve been going through my things,” he muttered, in the same quiet tone as before. He turned over the piece of paper, his gloved fingers tracing over his writing of her name. “Why did you keep this?”

Rey was beyond embarrassed. “I-I don’t know.” She wrung her hands in her lap. “I just think you have beautiful handwriting.”

His lips were on hers then and she didn’t start, even though the contact was sudden. She had known for a while now that this was inevitable, even if she didn’t want to admit it. She couldn’t see the things she had seen; _feel_ the things she felt and not end up here.

Even though her eyes were closed, she felt him take off his gloves, and then his hands were on her arms and in her hair and the Light in her chest echoed everywhere. He tilted her chin up carefully, being mindful of her injuries as his tongue slipped into her mouth.

The sensation was odd but not unpleasant. Of course, Rey had never done this with anyone before so she really had no other basis for what a kiss should be like. After a few moments she pushed back with her own tongue experimentally, and the way he moved to deepen the kiss gave her the impression that he had liked it.

She stood up carefully so he didn’t have to lean over, and she felt his arms encircle her, pressing her to his chest. One of his hands accidently came up to brush her injured shoulder and she drew back, wincing, and out of breath.

He swallowed, his own breathing a little labored as well. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she said, staring at their feet, suddenly shy. “I’m sorry I went through your belongings.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

She glanced up at him. “As for today…I tried to take one of the Knights’ sabers.”

Kylo’s eyes widened. “Why would you do that?”

“I’m tired of feeling weak.”

He brought his hand up to brush her hair to the side. “You aren’t weak,” he said, “but I will help you.”

 

 

            They spent the rest of the day meditating. It was odd at first because Rey wasn’t quite used to sitting side by side with Kylo in person. They mirrored each other’s poses, and after about an hour of concentrated breathing, she was able to fully bridge their minds again.

She could tell he was proud of her, and that he wanted to kiss her again, but he didn’t. Maybe he also felt strange about this new leap in their relationship.

Rey ate dinner alone that night. Kylo had been called down again for another briefing, this time about the ceremony. At least, that’s what his disgruntled comments suggested. He had mentioned he was debating when the right time would be to announce his consideration of her as a potential apprentice, but judging from her conflict with the Knights today, now was not the optimal time.

She took the time to watch the stars out of the gigantic window in the center of the room. It was so peaceful out there, yet she had also seen the serenity of it shattered with laser fire. This war had to end, one way or another. Rey pressed her palm against the window, marveling at the light blues and purples that ghosted over her fingers. She wondered if Finn worried for her, then shook her head, knowing the answer before she had finished asking herself. A deep weight settled over her heart. She hoped she would live to see him again.

It was deep into the night when she turned her head, hearing the chamber door open. Kylo emerged, removing his helmet with practiced ease. Whisps of hair stuck to his forehead and Rey watched as he moved to brush them away. His eyes met hers and the corners of his mouth turned up. He was smiling.

Rey’s face grew warm. Ben Solo was smiling at her.

She was a bit embarrassed about her reaction to him, but luckily he didn’t seem to notice. He removed his gloves, cloak, belt-Stars, he had so many accessories-before crossing over to his dresser to grab his night clothes. He didn’t usually wear them, opting to keep his day-to-day attire on in case of an emergency, but Rey sensed he was more relaxed tonight.

He moved briefly into the bathing room while she stayed rooted to the spot. Her stomach felt like it was filled with insects. She didn’t understand this nervous excitement, but she didn’t resent it either. When he finished dressing he went to the bed and lifted his sheets. He settled in before he looked up at her expectantly. Rey shuffled her feet. She didn’t have nightclothes; she usually just slept in her wrappings. Usually removing her outer layers wasn’t a big deal. She had done it in front of him several times after all. But that had been when she was sweating and uncomfortable, and the need to remove them outweighed any modesty she might have had. Now, however, she didn’t have the excuse of impulsivity. She also didn’t think it made much sense for her to go to the bathing room when nothing indecent was being exposed.

With her mind made up, she removed her outer layers, well aware that Kylo was watching her and even more aware that her neck and chest were the color of hot embers. When her clothes lay in a pool on the floor, she reached up to remove her buns one at a time. Kylo smirked at her and she glared back, remembering his teasing comment about how she wore her hair.

When she had finished he lifted the covers for her, and she hesitated for only a moment before climbing in beside him. Even though both of them were nestled under the sheets, they weren’t touching, and the insects in Rey’s stomach multiplied. They lay in silence for several minutes. There was something uncertain between them, something that neither one wanted to be the first to bring up.

Well, Rey was tired of being the one caught off guard, and besides, she did sort of want to kiss him again.

Silently and cautiously, she boosted her weight on an elbow, being careful to mind her shoulder, as she drew in closer to him. He watched her curiously as her lips parted a bit; the only noise was the crisp crinkle of the sheets. She brought a hand to his jaw, her thumb brushing over his thick, red lips before she dipped her head to connect them. He responded instantly, their tongues brushing together as he tangled a hand in her hair. Rey wasn’t quite sure what to do with her own hand, so she alternated between brushing his shoulder and cupping his jaw. He sucked on her bottom lip briefly, and her breathing hitched. The gentle noise spurred him on even more, and his body rose as he gently turned her on her back until he was the one hovering.

She looked up at him through the curtain of his hair and gave him a small grin. She wasn’t sure how well he could see it in the dark, but such thoughts were wiped from her mind as his lips moved to her neck. First they were just small kisses, but very quickly they morphed into licking and sucking. Rey moved her legs together as a small pulse reverberated low in her stomach. The insects inside her were replaced with something else, something far better.

She felt him hard against her when he met her lips again, and she stifled her surprise. She had been around men long enough to hear all the jokes relating to the topic, but she had never considered it herself until it was right in front of her…er…against her.

So many new sensations mixed with the fear of having no idea what she was doing. Rey knew she would drive herself mad if she kept on like this, so when she was able to take another breath, she forced herself to completely relax.

Her hands moved into his hair as his kissing became more intense, his hips intentionally angling toward hers now. His fingers lightly moved up her sides, and he paused there. She did as well, for a moment, but then took his much larger hand in hers and guided it to the edge of her wrappings. She loosened the bands a bit, just enough for him to sneak his hand under. When it finally moved to cup her breast she felt him moan against her neck and shot of pleasure spiked through her.

She knew for a fact he would like it if she said his name. She had seen it for herself, after all. But she had also seen that seductive version of her, the vocalist, and she didn’t think she could muster up the courage for something like that.

He must have sensed that her thoughts were starting to get the best of her, because he slowly removed his hand and gave her one last linger kiss before rolling over onto his back.

They stared up at the ceiling, and she could tell through their bond they were thinking the same thing. They had both gotten so used to being alone, that they didn’t think this type of intimacy was ever in the cards for them. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, any of it.

Rey found his hand under the covers and she gave it a squeeze. He squeezed back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter illustration of Rey post battle with the Knights. [ Rey After Battle Bruises ](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Rey-After-Battle-Bruises-786081531)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Assume explicit content from this chapter onward.

            “You’re far too stiff. How do you expect the Force to flow through you if you don’t relax?”

They sat beside each other on the floor of Kylo’s chamber, mirroring the other’s pose perfectly. Four days had passed since they had begun meditating together, and Rey knew Kylo was doing his best to hold back most of his criticism of her, mainly because he knew how humiliating it was for her to be treated like a young Padawan.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/168737032@N02/47273005011/in/dateposted-public/)

“I _am_ relaxed,” she argued with her eyes closed, although she exhaled noisily in frustration. She paused as she felt his hand slid into hers, carefully giving her a taste of his Light.

“Try again,” he commanded, gentler this time.

Rey took a deep breath and reached out with the Force. She could feel Kylo’s emotions fairly well by now, and her cheeks turned red as she detected affection and desire in his mind. She pushed that aside as she honed in on finding her balance, and for several moments she was transported to a place that reminded her of Ahch-To before her concentration was broken.

“Good,” Kylo praised her. “You’re improving.”

“My defenses are still shoddy,” she muttered, staring down at her thighs. That was probably the thing that scared her the most. Although, to her knowledge, the Knights hadn’t tried to read her, she wasn’t yet confident she could ward off a mental attack if one of them tried.

“I won’t let them,” Kylo addressed her worry out loud. “I forbade them from hurting you.”

“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” she said, referring to his mind reading, and he nodded his head in apology. Despite the intimacy of their bond among…other things, it still felt like a violation to directly read the other’s thoughts. She pursed her lips as she considered him. “Don’t you think you should be harsher with me in front of the Knights?”

“What would that accomplish?”

“They wouldn’t feel as if your loyalty to them was threatened.”

“I’m loyal to no one.”

“That’s not true.”

Kylo scoffed and then looked to his chamber door. “I’ll be needed shortly,” he mentioned.

Rey’s shoulders slumped in disappointment. “Oh.”

“I want you to come with me.”

She frowned. “You want a Jedi sitting in on a First Order meeting?”

He shook his head. “This isn’t a meeting. It’s more of…an evaluation.”

“Of what?”

“The Knights of Ren,” he explained, “and whether one of them possesses the skills that would make them a worthy apprentice.”

Rey blinked. “Why does that matter? You aren’t going to select one of them.”

“It’s a formality.”

“I see.”

“You’ll sit by my side, of course,” he added, glancing over her with a teasing glint in his eye. “But I’m afraid not as my equal in this case.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “Brilliant. So I’m your lap droid now, then?”

“You’re far better than a lap droid,” he replied, his fingers reaching over to move up her side.

Rey did her best to hold in the shiver that traveled up her spine, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing the effect he had on her. Even so, she leaned into his touch, her own fingers running along his forearm.

“I have something to ask of you,” he mentioned after they sat in silence for a while.

“Hm?” Rey blinked from her reverie.

“If I called on you to participate this afternoon…do you think you could hold your own?”

Rey’s mouth parted in surprise. “You’re…asking me to duel with the Knights again?”

Kylo shifted his hand away from her side. “It would be a fair fight. You would only face one opponent.”

“Why?”

“I need to be able to assess your skill in a believable way. Perhaps if you win I could announce my consideration of you as a potential successor.”

Ah, now it made sense. “So I would have to win then.”

“That would be ideal.”

Rey glanced down at the floor. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“You’re connection with the Force has strengthened tremendously this past week,” he pointed out.

“It still wouldn’t be a fair match. Not without my saber.”

Kylo closed his eyes, exhaling noisily through his nose. “Alright.”

Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Alright what?”

He looked at her. “If you accept, I’ll return your saber to you.”

A huge pulse of excitement beat inside her, and she knew he could feel it through their bond. While she certainly wasn’t going to _thank_ him for returning her property to her, she was grateful to soon have her weapon back in her hands.

“Then I accept,” she responded, her chin held high.

 

 

            Rey didn’t know what she expected the visual aspects of this assessment to be like, but she found the space in front of her was reminiscent of the fighting rings on Jakku. The training area had been transformed to resemble an arena of sorts. The perimeters of the space were raised on all sides, the highest platform being a throne, which was reserved for the Supreme Leader. While normally a set up like this would have indicated hundreds of onlookers in the stands, the rows was barren, save for the occasional Praetorian guard who stood stoically in the background. Other than the red clad guards, it was only her, Kylo, Hux, and the Knights, the latter individuals standing in the very center of the grounds.

When Kylo had taken his seat on the throne, he nodded his helmeted head to a smaller chair by his left side. Although Rey could barely stomach the idea of taking orders from him, especially while he was wearing that dreadful headgear, she complied, knowing it would be easier on her in the long run. Once seated, she peered across Kylo to get a glimpse of Hux, who stood to his leader’s right. How ironic that he should be considered Kylo’s right hand man.

As Rey focused her eyes on the Knights below her, she noticed they had all abandoned their cloaks to allow them more movement. Kylo extended a gloved hand and gestured to them. One by one they knelt before him and removed their helmets.

Rey was surprised when she saw their faces for the first time. For some reason, she had pictured all of them to have Kylo’s coloring, dark manes with pale skin. In reality, most had blonde or light brown hair, and a few had tanned skin. Something else that threw her was they were all relatively normal looking. None of them had ugly scars or jagged teeth. To be honest, they looked as though they were enrolled in a Jedi Academy, which was unsettling given their pasts. The last thing that stunned her, and this was something that made her quite uneasy, was every single Knight possessed gold-rimmed eyes. They had completely given themselves to the darkness, and it reflected in their irises.

Rey cast a quick glance at Kylo before forgetting he was wearing his helmet. Despite being Supreme Leader of the First Order, he did not have the same gold eyes that were a trademark of the darkness. Perhaps that was why he usually kept his helmet on, even in front of his men. He didn’t want them to know the extent of his conflict.   

She examined the Knights again, becoming aware the one with the broken collarbone was present despite his injuries the previous week. On the outside he appeared fully recovered, but Rey could sense his apprehension at the timing of this display. She could venture why. Each Knight undoubtedly wanted the best shot to be chosen as successor. Such a shame none of their dreams would become reality.

“Each of you will have the chance to prove your worth,” Kylo said, his distorted voice echoing throughout the arena. “Do not disappoint me.” He placed his hand back on the arm of his throne, and the Knights stood at once, dressing themselves in their helmets once more.

Rey shifted in her seat, her stomach twisting into knots. When would Kylo call upon her to participate? More importantly when would she get her saber? Normally she would have reached out to Kylo through their bond to gauge what he was feeling, but she noticed he was strangely absent. Then she remembered all of the Knights were also Force sensitive, so he most likely didn’t want to risk exposing their bond to them.

Soon Rey’s concerns faded to the back of her mind as her curiosity piqued at the spectacle in front of her. Two of the Knights-the one with the pointed mask and the one whose helmet trailed down like a hood-began circling each other, following Kylo’s command. They ignited their sabers in one motion, and they were on each other in the next.

Both were brutal fighters, but Rey already knew that, having faced them herself. What was odd, however, was that unlike her previous duel with them, each man appeared to be making attacks meant to kill. Rey scrutinized each of them, making sure she didn’t miss a single move. The desire to prove their worth to their leader emanated from every swing of their weapons.

Eventually the Knight with the hooded helmet began to dominate the battle. This did not really surprise Rey, as she knew the pointed helmet Knight lagged in the swiftness of his attacks. When it appeared the hooded Knight would finally strike the other down, Kylo raised his hand, and Rey felt a small thrum of the Force.

The battling Knights felt it too apparently, for they dropped their competitive stances and retreated to the edge of the arena. Two more Knights came to kneel at the center-the one with the mended collarbone and another with a helmet of sharp angles by the cheekbones. Kylo signaled to them, and then they began.

Rey watched the Knights alternate several times, each one facing a different opponent with the next rotation. It was difficult to tell if there was a superior fighter among the six; they all practically matched each other in ability. She supposed if this assessment were real, Kylo would have a tough choice to make.

Finally, Kylo raised his hand to halt the fighting again, but this time he gestured so all the Knights moved to stand before him in a line.

“You’ve given me much to consider,” he said, and Rey scowled at this version of him. It reminded her of Hux. Kylo turned his head abruptly then, and she could feel his eyes on her from beneath his helmet. She straightened her spine, not wanting to seem feeble. “Now,” Kylo continued, his gaze unwavering, “who would like the honor of facing the last Jedi?”

His question was met with silence. This was probably the last thing any of them had expected. If she reached out with the Force, she would be able to feel their hesitation. After all, who would want to risk harming her after they had witnessed Kylo’s fury? Rey subconsciously ran her fingers over her shoulder; thankful the wound had fully healed.

Finally, the Knight with the angled helmet rose. “I accept, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo turned his head to acknowledge the Knight. “Good.” He stood up and shifted his cloak to the side, and that’s when Rey saw it.

Her saber.

It hung there on his belt, next to his own. She vaguely wondered where he had been keeping it, but all curiosity faded into oblivion as her eyes focused hungrily on it. She rose in her eagerness, and she heard Hux scoff at her actions. Kylo shifted to face her, his hand detaching the weapon and then slowly extended it towards her. Rey felt the shock and apprehension of not only the Knights, but Hux himself. She ignored them, however, for as soon as her fingers slide across the cool hilt of her weapon, she knew the Force would protect her.

With her saber in her possession, Rey jumped down from her seat into the arena, landing in a crouch. The other Knights drew to the side as the one who had volunteered sized her up. He was much taller than her, and his shoulders might have even been broader than Kylo’s. His head tilted to the side as he took her in, and she ignited her blade, not wanting to give him the chance. The double blades sent electric blue light around the area, a welcome change to the blood reds that stung her eyes.

He ignited his own blade, but held his position, clearly waiting for Kylo’s direction. She would do no such thing.

With a yell, she swung her weapon and charged the Knight. He briefly stepped to the side in surprise before lashing out to meet her halfway. Their weapons clashed fleetingly, and then she turned and jabbed him with her foot before retreating. She expected him to charge her this time, but he held his ground, and so she made to take the offensive again.

As they clashed it occurred to Rey that he was holding back. He must have feared for his own safety if he were to hurt her too terribly. He also probably didn’t realize she was far stronger than when she had faced him last.

Fine. If he wanted to hold back, then she would make him regret it.

Rey’s movements became tighter, faster, and each swing of her saber held more aggression. As the ferocity of her attacks increased, the Knight worked harder to counter her, and even began to step up his game. Every single move seemed to meet with a smash of their weapons, sending sparks of white in every direction. At one point she felt him singe her hip, and she cried out before kicking back and swinging her saber around to burn across his upper thigh. He stumbled, and she twirled her weapon twice before slicing him along the chest.

That did it.

Although her wound wasn’t enough to kill, it certainly held enough sting for the Knight to yield. He fell back onto his elbows, his saber sliding across the room. He scrambled out of the way as she advanced towards him. His hand came out to regain his saber using the Force. It twitched slightly, but ultimately went flying into Rey’s own outstretched palm. She pointed his own blade at his throat, and that’s when Kylo held up his hand.

Rey extinguished both sabers before tossing the Knight’s weapon at his feet. She could feel the shock and fury pulsing from the other Knights, and a wave of satisfaction flooded through her. That would show them for underestimating her. As she retreated to the other side of the arena, she noticed Hux actively avoiding eye contact with her. Despite the fear she felt in him, she also sensed he was delighted. He clearly hadn’t expected her to be such a capable match for a Knight of Ren. This would bode well for his possible alliance with her. An alliance that would never actually come to be, but why let _him_ know that?

Kylo rose from his throne, and Rey expected him to announce his consideration of her then and there. But he didn’t. He extended his hand, an obvious signal for her to hand him back her lightsaber. She stared hard into his mask for one silent moment before pointedly clipping the saber to her belt.

She sensed the tension from the Knights and Hux at her blatant act of defiance. She thought this would anger Kylo greatly, but she couldn’t fully tell what he was feeling without tapping into their bond. She kept her posture straight as he slowly descended the steps of the raised platform, his cloak billowing behind him. He gripped her upper arm firmly, and she narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

Instead of speaking to her, however, he turned to the Knights and dismissed them before half leading, half dragging her out of the arena. As they swept out of the room, Rey saw Hux’s purple lips curl into a wicked and hopeful smile. Hopeful that she would finally get the punishment she so deserved.

It was only until after the door to his common room had closed did he release his grip. His helmet clicked off instantly, and when he removed it, Rey was able to see the fire in his eyes. All at once a tremendous wave of his emotion crashed over her as he reconnected their bond, and in the next moment his mouth was on hers and his hands framed her face.

Rey kissed him back fiercely; feeding off his desire from seeing her in battle, from watching her defy his commands. He removed his gloves and combed his bare fingers through her hair, releasing her buns so the chestnut tendrils trailed down her shoulders. She reached up to remove his cloak and the layer fluttered around them in its descent. He pressed her against the wall, his tongue moving with hers furiously. She found she loved running her fingers through his dark hair.

She let out a small gasp as he lifted her, carrying her into his chamber and plopping her onto the bed. She barely had finished bouncing when he settled over her, his hands drifting into her outer tunic. She removed the top garment and tugged on the shoulders of his. He got the message and leaned back to remove his shirt. When he came back to her, Rey placed a palm on his chest to stop him. Her fingers moved up to trace the scar she had given him, the one that spanned his face, down his shoulder.

“What? Are you going to apologize?” he asked softly, mischievously, as he took her hand and kissed the back of it.

“No.”

He smirked. “Good.”

He climbed back over her, and Rey used her feet to kick off her shoes. He cupped the back of her head, holding it in place as their tongues connected again. She felt his hand slide under her wrappings, and she made a small noise when his thumb pressed over her nipple. His lips moved to her neck, sucking there, and she could feel how hard he was against her leg. He paused, his lips still plastered to her neck, and she glanced down to see one of his hands pressed against the edge of her lower outerwear.

Rey blinked in realization when she recognized he was waiting for her. Deciding to take control of the situation, she shuffled off the last of her outerwear, and then she lay before him in just her wrappings.

She found his mouth again the moment his hand dipped down to brush her clit. The tips of his fingers were rough, and her toes tingled as the sensation of it ran through her. He touched her there for a while before sliding his fingers lower, letting out a quiet groan when he slipped them inside her. She winced a bit as he adjusted them, until he found a steady rhythm. He went back to her clit eventually, discovering that was what she liked best.

Rey closed her eyes, quiet noises occasionally escaping her lips as he rubbed in tight circles, his fingers gradually picking up speed. She gripped his shoulders and hair as he kissed her collarbone, shivered when his other hand cupped her breast over her wrappings.

She vaguely wondered if she was taking too long. She wondered if he was impatient, and then she became a bit apprehensive of what he expected to happen after. He must have sensed her scrambled worries through their bond, for his mind wrapped around her like his arms, and everything that troubled her was buried. 

After several minutes the pressure between her legs slowly started to build, and her grip on his hair became tighter. Her breathing came out in pants as she climbed higher, her legs tensing the longer he kept moving. She was so sensitive it almost hurt, and still his mouth kept moving against her neck, his fingers kept pressing. He attached his lips to hers once more and then-

She sighed into his mouth as she fell apart, the waves of pleasure thrumming around her not unlike the Force. As the feeling eventually ebbed, the area between her legs became unbearably sensitive, and she placed a hand on his forearm.

He removed his hand from her, and she sat up, becoming self-conscious as her flush began to fade. She knew he imagined her to be wanton and vocal and sexy but honestly she just wasn’t any of those things. Maybe he was disappointed with the reality of it.

He shifted up beside her. “What is it?”

She knew he could sense how troubled she was, but she buried the feelings before he could analyze them. She cupped his jaw instead and moved in to kiss him. Their lips connected for a few moments before he pulled back.

“Rey,” he prodded.

“I can’t be what you pictured,” she blurted, looking anywhere but him.

He frowned. “Is that what’s bothering you?”

“It’s foolish, I know.”

He brushed her hair behind her ear. “No, it’s not.”

Rey stared down at her hands. She didn’t understand why he was being so delicate. She felt strange, knowing what they’d done, but she didn’t feel guilty. She wasn’t sure if she should feel bad about that or not.

She swallowed, finally drumming up the courage to say what she was really feeling, what she had been feeling since her duel with the Knight.

“Ben, why can’t we just leave?”

He detached his hand from her neck. “I’ve told you why.”

“Have you ever really considered it though? What it could be like if we just…left for good?” She was trying to have a serious conversation, but she had to admit it was difficult when he placed his lips on her neck again.

“Even if that meant abandoning the Resistance?” he murmured, sucking lightly on her shoulder.

She turned her head. “I won’t desert them.”

He retracted his lips and straightened to look at her. “Then leaving isn’t a possibility. I would rather burn than turn myself over to the Resistance.”

She didn’t doubt him, but his admission made her shoulders slump nonetheless.

“But,” he added, and she looked up, “If you really wanted to leave _all_ of it, to let the past die…then I would do it with you.”

Rey glanced down as he moved to entangle his larger hand with her own. So he would run away if she would leave her friends. This could actually solve some of the Resistance’s problems and yet…she was selfish. She couldn’t live her life without the friends she had made. If she ran away with Kylo, she would never be able to see them again, and she wouldn’t be able to help them when they needed her most. But if she didn’t run…it would mean the end for him. She felt like screaming from the impossible situation placed in front of her. It was progress that Kylo considered leaving, but what good would it do if he refused to meet the Resistance? She stared at their hands, feeling utterly stuck.

In the end, it would be him or her friends.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although Rey cares both for Kylo and the Resistance, ultimately I believe she would choose the Resistance, especially with the attack right around the corner. As for Kylo starting to consider leaving his position of power, that’s more Ben Solo peeking out, but not without his own self-centered intentions. He would leave only for her, and only if she would give up on her friends. It’s selfish of him, but I don’t think it’s an unbelievable condition considering what we know about his character. In his mind, as long as she and he were somewhere safe while the two sides battled it out, they could swoop in after the bloodshed and pick up the pieces. 
> 
> Here’s the illustration for this chapter.  
> [ Rey and Kylo Meditation ](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Rey-and-Kylo-Ren-Meditating-786563168)


	14. Chapter 14

            The ceremony was only one week away.

Rey had been meditating and training every day, preparing for the inevitable, and she was practically back to her full strength. Her connection with Kylo was as strong as it had been before she boarded the Destroyer, and she was thankful for that, since it made reading him much easier.

She knew she needed to find a way to contact Poe before the attack, but she wasn’t sure how. She could try snooping around for herself, but everywhere she went there were eyes. At one point she even considered asking Kylo, but she knew that would be foolish seeing as he wasn’t aware of the attack. She sighed, deciding to think more on the matter after she had meditated.

Unlike the past couple of days, Rey chose this time to meditate alone; when she was sure Kylo was busy. She didn’t normally hide things from him-besides the obvious of course-but she figured he wouldn’t like it if he found out she was about to try to contact Luke.

Her stomach twisted with anxiety at the thought of speaking with her old master. She wasn’t entirely confident she would be able to accomplish it, and even if she did would he want to talk to her? Well, there was only one way to find out.

Rey focused her mind and felt her body leave Kylo’s chamber. She walked aimlessly down a narrow white path before it gradually bled in every direction, and the lush green of Ahch-To came into focus. She hadn’t been able to visualize this place so clearly in weeks, so the progress was enough to give her a spark of hope. She strode along the pathways, pausing by the great, burnt tree before continuing onward. She eventually stepped over the stone debris of the hut Luke had destroyed, when he had first discovered her and Kylo’s connection. She gazed around at the mess, reflecting on that moment, when someone cleared his throat.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/168737032@N02/46549722764/in/dateposted-public/)

Rey whipped around, and her chest nearly caved with emotion when she saw him. He didn’t seem angry or disappointed like she had expected; instead his eyes were warm, and that wry smile was back on his face. She nearly threw her arms around him, in her joy, but restrained herself.

“Master,” she whispered, swallowing heavily. “I’m….I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, Rey,” Luke replied. “I’m the one who owes you an apology.”

Her eyes widened. “Master-”

He held up his hand, and she paused. “I haven’t been a very good master to you…or to Ben. My failings with him clouded my judgment while training you, and for that I apologize.” He bowed his head. “I hope you can find it in you to forgive me.”

Rey wiped her eyes before the tears could leak down her face. Her relief was overwhelming. “I forgive you, and...I’m sorry for not listening to your warnings.”

Luke smiled again, but this time without humor. “The Dark is tempting because it promises us answers, but once we succumb to it, we don’t even have enough of ourselves left to realize it was all an illusion.” He studied her fondly. “You were on the brink of darkness but you stopped yourself. Why do you think that is?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know.”

Luke paused, considering it for a moment. “The Force works in mysterious ways,” he surmised, and Rey snorted. Well if _that_ wasn’t the understatement of the millennium. Something occurred to her suddenly, and she didn’t want to get her hopes up, but…

“Do you think…is it possible to speak with Leia?” Rey asked quietly.

Luke was silent for a long time. “My sister has not had the same Force training as most, and she isn’t a Jedi.” He regarded Rey with compassion. “I’m not sure,” he answered honestly. Rey nodded, trying not to reveal how heartbroken she was. She must not have been doing a very good job, however, for Luke added, “But nothing is impossible.”

Rey glanced up, her eyes clouded with emotion. “I miss you. And her. And Han.” Her hands tightened into fists. “It seems no matter what I do, no matter what the Resistance does, the past dies anyway.”

“Or it evolves,” Luke pointed out. “Just because the world around us changes, does not mean we lose the parts that change. The Force has evolved, as have you…as has your relationship with my nephew.”

Rey started, and her face flushed horribly. Stars, how had the conversation turned so drastically? She wondered with a jolt of dread just how ‘all-seeing’ Force ghosts were anyway. The expression on Luke’s face was hard to read, but that wry smile was back, and it didn’t seem to be going away any time soon.

She cleared her throat, desperate to get away from the topic. “Will I be able to contact you again?”

Luke moved forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. The contact sent powerful shockwaves down Rey’s spine, and she could have sworn he was actually there in front of her.

“I’ll always be with you, Kid.”

 

 

            That afternoon, as she ate her meal in the corner of the dining hall, her foot began tapping excitedly. She was still on a high from being able to finally reconnect with Luke. The hopelessness she felt upon arriving on the Destroyer seemed like a distant nightmare now.

She glanced up as all of the doors to the hall opened at once, and the Knights of Ren filed into the space. Kylo emerged on the overhang above the hall, his gloves gripping the metal railing. Hux came to stand beside him, albeit a step further back. Rey placed her tray on the bench beside her and stood, feeling as though something significant was about to happen. The Stormtroopers halted their eating at once and also rose, placing their helmets onto their heads in one motion. Rey watched curiously, noting the rigidity of their posture as they gazed up at their leader. She supposed he did look rather intimidating, standing so far above them, his trademark helmet cementing his authoritative isolation.

“The task of selecting my successor is not one I will take lightly,” Kylo began, “so today I will choose another for consideration.”

Rey’s blood ran ice cold. She knew this announcement was inevitable, but she thought she would have been more prepared when it finally happened. Kylo extended a hand towards her, and even though she was hundreds of feet away, she could feel him trying to summon her with the Force. Swallowing heavily, she strode forward, past the rows and rows of Stormtroopers, whose heads angled to her with every line she passed. She came to stand before the overhang, and she tilted her head up to gaze at Kylo.

She could feel the realization of the Knights as if it were her own. They were shocked. Then despondent. Then furious. But they hid it well. So well that the only reason she was able to feel it at all was because she was feet away from them. She wondered if Kylo even realized he had just risked their loyalty, and thus his own position of power.

Rey knew right then that Kylo’s plan could never have worked. When he talked about ruling the galaxy with her, he had assumed the Knights would stand under him no matter what. He was wrong. Rey knew she and him were incredibly strong together, but paired against six other Force sensitive warriors? Against an entire army? They would have been doomed from the start.

Hux, from his expression, didn’t seem at all surprised from the announcement. In fact, he looked positively giddy, and for some reason that was more disturbing than his trademark snobbish visage.

_Kneel,_ Kylo ordered in her mind, tapping directly into their connection in a way they hadn’t for a while. Another mistake. He was risking the exposure of their bond in front of the Knights, another careless result of his intensifying conflict. He was becoming sloppy.

She gritted her teeth. _Never,_ she responded, despite herself.

_You must. You have to convince them._

Rey’s face burned with shame as she stiffly knelt, her eyes glaring so hard at the tile by her feet that she could have burned a hole right through the floor. Her hand longed to reach for her saber, just to remind herself this was all a farce, but she refrained.

“The former Jedi, once the prize of the Resistance, has turned herself over to the First Order,” Kylo said, his distorted voice making her ears ring.

Oh, so she was a former Jedi now, was she? Rey knew she shouldn’t have been as upset as she was. After all, this was just for show. Nonetheless every word out of his mouth pricked her like a needle.

“She sought answers the Light could not give her, and now she has turned herself over to the Dark.”

Rey was certain that if the Stormtroopers were allowed to whisper among themselves, they would have. It must have been unbelievable to them that she had turned. Well, it was, but they didn’t have to know that.

“The last Jedi has died, and in her place I have found a potential apprentice.” He paused for a beat. “My decision will be finalized at the ceremony.” His dismissal came as he turned and disappeared down the walkway, Hux following closely behind him. The Stormtroopers around her gradually returned to their meals, and Rey finally rose to her feet.

When she turned, her eyes latched onto the Knights. They were staring right at her. Even though she couldn’t see their eyes, she sensed the hatred that waged beneath the surface of their helmets. Rey remained motionless, standing straight even though her heart pounded frantically from their silent threats. Slowly, they disbanded, disappearing the same way they had come.

Rey’s breath came out in a noisy exhale. This wasn’t good. She needed to talk to Kylo. They were utterly trapped no matter what they did. If they ran away too early, the ceremony wouldn’t happen, the Resistance’s ambush would be ruined, and a vacuum of power would be created. If they stayed and Hux attacked with the Knights backing him, they were both doomed and their would be no ceremony. If they stayed and waited for the ceremony, the Resistance would attack and most likely kill Kylo, but of course he didn’t know that.

So many secrets. So many lies and alliances and trappings. The longer she remained, the more tangled the web became.

As she began to walk out of the dining hall, she passed by a Stormtrooper who nudged into her. Her shoulder jerked back painfully, and she was about to curse when she felt a pad of paper slip into the palm of her hand.

“Watch it Jedi,” a female voice said from beneath the white helmet, and then she disappeared into the crowd of hundreds that looked just like her.

Rey curled her fingers around the paper, so it was completely concealed, before marching out of the hall. Once she had found a secluded corridor, she leaned against the wall and unfolded the note.

_DIV. Corridor 319._

Rey frowned. She wasn’t sure what ‘DIV’ meant, but she knew the latter part of the message was directions. Rey wished she could have talked to that Stormtrooper, of whom she was certain must have been one of the spies for the Resistance, but she was sure that would have raised suspicion on both their parts. She memorized the directions before crumpling up the paper and swallowing it whole, just as she felt Kylo try to reach her through the bond. She decided to put this new mission on hold for a time when she could be more inconspicuous. Hopefully she would find out what was down that corridor and soon.

 

 

            When she entered Kylo’s chamber he tried to kiss her, but Rey shifted away from his touch. He frowned at the dismissal, but she ignored him as she moved against the opposite wall, her back pressed firmly against it.

“What is it?”

“We aren’t safe here anymore,” she told him bluntly. “You and I, we both have targets on our backs.”

His arms dropped to his sides. “Don’t worry about them.”

“Ben!” she snapped. “Don’t be daft. You’ve run out of allies.” Her hands shook, and she couldn’t believe she was about to tell him this, but it was her last chance to selfishly keep everything dear to her. “We have to leave at the ceremony. The Resistance is going to attack; they’re going to annihilate the First Order. If you come with me, if you…if you just turn yourself over…I know Poe, I can talk to him and make him understand and…” her voice was trembling so terribly now. “Ben, please. This is the only way we can make it out of this alive.” She braced her palms against the wall, knowing if she didn’t she probably wouldn’t be able to support herself any longer.

She expected him to be furious at her admission of the attack, but he just stared blankly. “I know,” he said at last.

Her mouth dropped. “You…You _know?”_

“About the attack. I felt it in your dreams, through the bond. You were practically screaming at me.”

Her throat became bone dry. “When?”

“Last week, while you were mending.”

She opened her mouth to speak, but no words would come. She inhaled painfully. “What are you going to do?” she breathed.

“I won’t turn myself over to the Resistance,” he reaffirmed.

Rey squeezed her eyes shut and sank to the floor. He would die here then. That was the end of it. After all her efforts to save him, he would die anyway. It was selfish of her to care so much about his life after all he had done, but she did. She had fallen so far. And for him.

“Rey.” His bare hand came up to cup her cheek.

“Just stop.”

“I’ll go with you.”

His words cut through her haze of misery. “What?” she whispered.

“We’ll leave. At the ceremony.” Despite his quiet tone, his eyes held a fire. “Let them all burn. We’ll be there afterwards to see what’s left.”

Did he think he could change her mind?

“I _won’t_ leave my friends,” she repeated.  

The fire in his eyes faltered and then was replaced with something ice cold. “It’s useless then.”

They were going in circles. She knew it, and she could tell he did too. There was nowhere for him to go, and she couldn’t stay. They were ruined, but hadn’t she always known that from the start?

Maybe that was why when he attached his mouth to hers, she kissed him back fiercely, knowing this might be one of the last opportunities they had where they could be alone like this. Where they could pretend there weren’t any other complications, the calm before the storm. With every touch she could feel his desperation, the raw emotion churning as their lips and tongues moved together.

Their clothing came off like leaves, each layer fluttering to the ground until light and dark garments clashed together on the stone flooring. His hands ran up her thighs and he lifted her, turning their bodies so they collapsed onto his mattress. She arched her back and his hand unwound her wrappings, over and over again, until she was bare in front of him. He stared at her body for a long moment, his eyes raking over her, and then he dipped his head to kiss her breasts.

Her hands wound themselves in his hair as his tongue circled her nipple over and over again. His hand came up to cup her other breast and she moved into him greedily. His lips found her neck and she reached her own hand down, finally finding the courage to stroke him over his boxers. He groaned into her shoulder and when he raised his head again she found his eyes were dark, but in a different way than when he was angry. He kept watching her as his hand moved down to rub her clit, kept watching when her cheeks became pink and her lips opened slightly with her labored breathing. She closed her eyes, finding herself too self-conscious for prolonged eye contact, but even when she did, she could feel his gaze on her.

When her breathing became faster he paused, and she opened her eyes and discovered he was removing his last layer. She watched him carefully, a little curiously, as she had never been in this sort of situation before. When he moved between her legs she stiffened, not entirely knowing what to expect. He planted his left hand by her shoulder to keep his balance as his right came down to position himself at her entrance. His raven hair hung down and tickled her cheeks as she finally felt him push into her.

The first thing she felt was a sharp pain, not unlike the prick of a needle, before an overwhelming and uncomfortable tightness. The nails on her hand dug into his forearm, and he slowed. He briefly dropped to his elbows to suck on her mouth, as he lay nestled inside her, giving her a few moments to adjust. Slowly her death grip on his forearm loosened, and he gave her one final kiss before rising again.

As he moved the uncomfortable tightness remained, but it became more manageable each time he entered her. She watched the muscles on his shoulders ripple with each movement, and she felt her clit throb every time she heard him release a soft moan. She closed her eyes as a pleasant feeling settled over her like a syrup. As his pace picked up she released her own quiet moan, and he dropped again to his elbows to kiss her jaw.

He started whispering things in her ear. About how good she felt. About how tight she was. He breathed her name, and she gasped as he hit this one spot inside her that just felt so _good._ She wanted him to keep hitting it again and again.

She could tell he was close by the sloppiness of his kisses. She wiped away a couple strands of sweaty hair from his forehead, and feeling suddenly bold, she brought her lips down to his ear.

“Ben…”

A few moments later she felt him shudder, and a warm wetness spread inside her. He rested some of his weight on her for a few seconds, before swiftly removing himself and climbing down her body.

Rey moved up on her elbows, frowning down at him. “What…?”

She didn’t bother finishing the question, for when his mouth found her clit she shuddered violently as a sensitive wave of pressure flooded her senses. She watched him as he ate her, his prominent nose brushing the hair between her legs as he sucked. At one point he looked up at her, and her face reddened as she felt like she had been caught. She felt the curve of his mouth against her as he hid a smile, and then his tongue picked up speed.

She felt herself climbing, one of her hands coming down to weave through his hair. She became quiet as her body tensed, her legs beginning to shake.

Rey fell against the bed as the wave crashed over her, and she gasped as it ran through her body over and over again. When she came down, he was beside her, his arm coming around to crush her body to his.

She kissed him, and when they eventually broke apart, the intensity of what they had just done starting to fade, a tremendous, black sorrow settled over her. 

 

 

            That night when she was sure he was asleep, Rey climbed out of the bed and went over to the bureau that had her doll. She removed the plaything and held it in her arms for a moment, before walking over to the bed and placing it next to Kylo. If he awoke while she was gone and saw it, she trusted he would know she would be back, or at the very least it would encourage him to reach out.

She dressed silently and slipped out of the chamber, out of the common area, out of the tunnel. The corridors were shoddily lit given the ship was programmed to simulate the early hours of the morning. She traveled up and down the halls, mentally making a note of the numbers marking each. _300, 312, 317…._

Corridor 319. She followed it down the end, and sure enough there was a small door with a security pad attached to the side. Rey’s fingers hovered over it for a moment before she finally typed in ‘DIV.’

She was stone still for half a second, apprehensive that some sort of alarm would go off, but thankfully the door slid open and she stepped inside.

It was a rather basic systems panel, and it didn’t seem like it controlled many things aboard the ship. Rey’s eyes slid over to the console in the center, however, and then her heard began hammering in her chest. She recognized this technology. She had seen it countless times aboard the _Millennium Falcon,_ and at headquarters.

It was a transmitter. She could contact the Resistance.

With shaking fingers, Rey carefully typed in Poe’s personal signal, praying to all the stars above that she wasn’t messing any of the numbers up. She waited with baited breath as the hologram projector in front of her fizzled with blue static and then-

“Who is this?” Poe asked, rubbing sleep from his face.

“Poe!” Rey whispered fiercely, and suddenly the pilot was wide-awake.

“Rey!” he exclaimed, “What’s going on? Are you in trouble? How are you contacting me?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” she said hastily, knowing the longer she spent here the more likely she was to be caught. “I wanted to let you know I’m okay.”

“Stars, Rey, we didn’t know if you were dead or not. The radio silence was killing us.”

Rey smiled painfully. “I wish I could be there with you all.”

“Has Ren hurt you?” Poe questioned, his tone switching.

Rey shook her head. “Hux and the Knights are more of an issue.”

“The Knights of Ren?”

“Yes. I have reason to believe Hux will convince them to rise up against Ben in the near future.”

Poe was silent, and Rey wasn’t sure if that had to do with the information, or because she had accidently used Kylo’s real name in conversation.

“Do you know when they’re planning the mutiny?” he eventually inquired.

She shook her head again. “No, but Hux has implied a temporary alliance with me. If I can work the information out of him, maybe I can find a way to stall an attack until after the ceremony when it will no longer be relevant.”

Poe nodded. “Good. That has to be the play then.”

“There’s something else,” Rey cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Kylo…Ben Solo is considering abandoning the First Order on the day of the ceremony.”

Poe blinked. “Rey that’s…that’s huge. How did you get him to agree to this?”

Rey’s fingers tightened. “He didn’t quite agree. He refuses to turn himself over to the Resistance. His terms are for me to leave with him…but I won’t abandon you, or Finn, or Rose, or anyone.” She took a deep breath, knowing Poe wasn’t going to like what she asked next. “Is there anyway you would consider a mercy ruling if he were to be captured? If I could somehow convince him to turn himself over, is there a chance he could be spared?”

“Rey,” Poe said, his voice strained. “People want to see justice. I can’t condone letting the Supreme Leader walk away unscathed from this.”

Rey’s head dropped; she was foolish for thinking this would end in any way but Kylo’s demise.

“I’m sorry, Rey. I…know you care about him.” Poe’s words came out even more strained than before, and Rey was sure the admission baffled and disturbed him to no end.

“No. You’re right. He’s done too much to be redeemed.” But she didn’t really think that, did she, or she wouldn’t still be here. “I’m not sure if I’ll be able to contact you again before the ceremony.”

“I understand. Stay safe, Rey. We’ll be there to retrieve you and the other rebels in no time. May the Force be with you.”

“May the Force be with you,” she replied, but it leaked out of her in a whisper.

The transmission ended and Rey swiftly cleared the channel before exiting the room, and then the corridor. As realistic as she was, a part of her had hoped Poe would be able to give them a way out. She should have known better.

As she walked down another corridor she thought she sensed something, but before she had time to identify what it was, she rounded the corner and smacked into a solid, black-clothed chest.

Rey jerked back and came face to face with the angled helmet of the Knight who she had beaten in the training room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is essentially trapped at this point. He’s well aware of it, and so is Rey. She honestly doesn’t know if he plans to run away on his own or stay and face his demise when the time comes, but I don’t think that’s a question that necessarily needs to be answered. As he drifts towards the Light, everything that made him an effective leader in the Dark is compromised. He basically risked his last remaining allies for her, but becomes stuck when she won’t do the same for him.  
> Illustration: [ Rey's Vision of Ahch-To ](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Rey-s-Vision-of-Ahch-To-786784940)


	15. Chapter 15

            A jolt of fear spiked through Rey as she stared into the blank mask of the Knight in front of her, but she recovered quickly. She thanked her stars that she had run into him now and not in the communication room while she was transmitting to Poe.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/168737032@N02/32331136727/in/dateposted-public/)

“What are you doing out here, Jedi?”

For the life of her she wished she could remember what he looked like beneath that helmet. She kept her face neutral, creating her own mask.

“Didn’t you hear your Supreme Leader?” she questioned, dodging the question. “The last Jedi is dead.”

The Knight angled his head to the side. “Is that so? Then you must be thrilled to be selected for consideration.”

“And I’m sure you’re highly disappointed.” She pressed her lips into a thin line. “Although the announcement wasn’t unwarranted. I’m sure the Supreme Leader was stunned, to see how easily I bested you.”

The Knight’s hand came up to grasp her throat, and Rey flinched, but his grip was light, delicate even. His gloved hand traveled down the column of her neck until it came to rest against a small love bite.

“Yes, I’m sure the Supreme Leader is often surprised by his plaything.” He pressed his thumb into the bruise, and Rey jerked away, hissing. She was certain that if she could see his face, he would be smiling terribly at her. “Good night, little Jedi.” He turned and disappeared down the hallway, his cloak billowing around him like black smoke.

Rey returned to the chamber, using the code she had recently been entrusted with to access the tunnel. Once inside, she was relieved to find Kylo fast asleep in his bed. She tiptoed around him and shimmied under the covers. She knew she wouldn’t be able to find sleep again; she had too much to think about. Instead she turned over onto her side and watched Kylo, finding his face so peaceful when in sleep. She reached her hand out as if to tuck a piece of hair that had fallen across his face, but she decided against it. She lay there for what felt like hours until she noticed the clock by his bedside table indicated it was morning.

She rose from the bed and crossed to the bathing room to freshen up. She paused in front of a mirror, her fingers tracing over the love bite that she hadn’t even known was there. They would have to be more careful next time. If there even was a next time.

By the time she had finished showering, Kylo had already left for the day. She knew she should probably venture around the Destroyer, make her presence known and all that, but she just couldn’t muster the will. What was the point when it was all a farce? Everything would just go down in flames anyway.

Rey paused, suddenly remembering something crucial. She needed to find a way to speak to Hux again. She had no idea when he would strike, and to be honest she still wasn’t entirely sure if the Knights were on his side or Kylo’s. Her recon mission was enough to motivate her to leave his chambers.

She wandered up and down the corridors, passing many Stormtroopers in her journey. They glanced at her as she walked by, but they didn’t stop and stare as they had when she had first boarded the Destroyer. Maybe they _were_ actually adjusting to her presence.

Rey tried to put herself in the mind of Hux, which was an all around unpleasant task. If she were a sniveling, pompous masochist where would she be? Well, if Kylo had left for a meeting, then Hux would most certainly be in the briefing room alongside him. Rey knew Kylo enough to know that when he had heard all he needed to, he was quick to leave the scene. Hux, on the other hand, would most likely linger. She would have to catch him before he left while also simultaneously avoiding Kylo.

Rey found a secluded corner with the intent to briefly close off her mind, simulating sleep. That way Kylo would not become suspicious if he tried to trace her through their bond. Leaning against the wall, she channeled her energy in easy breaths, finding it easier to focus every time she did this. Her mind, churning with energy, gradually ebbed until it was smooth like a pond. There. Now she would wait.

She paced up and down the corridor until she felt a slight shift in the Force. Kylo was moving, which meant the meeting must be over. Rey snuck around the corner and slunk down the hallway, approaching the briefing room where she knew for a fact they met. Sure enough, Kylo’s cloak billowed around a corner in his exit, and after counting the seconds; Rey entered the room he had just left.

As soon as she arrived several Stormtroopers turned to face her, and some of them even raised their weapons. Hux, when he recognized her presence, appeared pleased at her entry. Normally when the Admiral was delighted it was rarely a good sign, but this time it might work in her favor.

He waved his arm at the Troopers. “Leave us,” he commanded, and they did so at once. When the last one had filed out, Hux stood up slowly, advancing towards her like a serpent. “Rey,” he said in that pretentiously silky voice, and her skin crawled from the sound of her name on his lips. “I was beginning to think we would never run into each other again.” She remained silent, and it took all of her will power not to spit something in his face. She watched as his gloved fingers threaded themselves together, folding his hands across his front. “What do I owe the pleasure?”

“I’ve considered your offer.”

Hux pursed his lips. “Offer? I don’t recall offering you anything.”

So that’s how it was going to be. This dance of words was starting to vex her. “We may have a common enemy after all,” she probed, hoping this would be enough for him to drop the act.

“Is that so?” Hux said innocently, but he moved to the doorway and typed in a new code. Rey watched as a second, more secure barrier came down, and she knew she had piqued his interest.

“You didn’t seem surprised by the announcement,” she continued, referring to her candidacy as Kylo’s apprentice.

Hux clicked his tongue. “Hm. Neither did you.”

“He…mentioned his interest in me,” she replied, deciding to divulge this detail.

His eyes raked over her slowly, scrutinizing her as if she were some rare species. “In more ways than one, I’m sure.” He must have seen her discomfort, for he took the opportunity to move closer until he was only feet away. “I do wonder how you can stand it. “

Her nostrils flared. “Maybe we should just get right to the point, Admiral.”

He smiled pleasantly. “I’m no fool. I know you aren’t here because you’ve suddenly chosen the Dark.” His gloved hand came up to tug on his collar, perhaps subconsciously reliving the memory of her arrival. “You’re here for the sake of sparing your pathetic allies. I’m certain of it. Fascinating, isn’t it? How quickly they surrendered you to save themselves?” He circled her slowly, but she kept her eyes straight ahead, glaring at nothing. “You have no desire to become the Supreme Leader’s apprentice; I can see it written all over your filthy face.” He paused behind her, his face coming in to appear just over her shoulder. “Although I’m sure it would give you great pleasure to see him dethroned…” she could feel his eyes on her neck, drifting over the purple markings there, “…for _everything_ he’s done.”

Rey moved away, turning around and putting some distance between the two of them. “And what makes you think I would stoop to align myself with a murderer?” she spat, all of her anger firing at him despite herself.

Hux pursed his lips. “You’re referring to the death of General Organa. You must know I had no way of knowing she would be fatally wounded. It was…a lucky shot as you might say.”

“You knew what you were doing. You killed her!” Rey seethed, her fists tightening until her knuckles were white.

“Ben Solo killed her; I was merely cleaning up the mess.”

Something in Rey’s chest shifted. It never occurred to her that anyone on the First Order would recognize that name existed, let alone use it. She forced herself to calm down; this wouldn’t work if she couldn’t keep her temper. And she really needed this to work. This mutiny couldn’t happen.

“Give me _one_ reason why I should agree to this. And don’t pretend as though you won’t turn right around and stab me in the back after it’s finished.”

“Oh, I’m not pretending anything. You know as well as I do that nothing will change, other than the fact that you and I will have one less enemy…and a dynasty will meet its end.”

Rey paused, deciding to poke around for more information. “Even if I agree, there isn’t a point. I can’t defeat him in addition to the Knights of Ren.”

Hux cocked his head to the side. “How confident are you that he will select you?”

She took a deep breath, knowing she was making a huge gamble by admitting to this. “He’ll select me.”

The Admiral gave her a poisonous smile. “Just as I thought. Then the Knights will no longer be a concern.”

She had expected as much, but hearing it out loud made her blood freeze in her veins. Everyone on board was not only an enemy to her, but an enemy to Kylo as well. Rey kept her face neutral, knowing her next statement could determine the fate of this war.

“When he announces me at the ceremony then.”

“Is that your way of an acceptance?”

Rey nodded stiffly.

He raised his chin. “Very good.” Rey started to move past him in the direction of the door. “Oh, and Scavenger,” he called, and she paused, “If you play your part well, I may even give you a head start, just this once.”

She was silent, even as Hux released the extra security on the door, and she left. She was quiet as she paced down the corridor, passing blank helmets and stark white walls.

Hux was an even bigger fool than she had thought possible. He seemed so confident that the Knights would renounce their loyalty to Kylo, but that didn’t mean they would stand with him. If anything it would turn into a bloodbath as all of them vied to become the next Supreme Leader. And where would that leave Hux? Dead as a door nail.

There was so much at risk. Everything needed to be timed perfectly. As stressed as she was, Rey knew she had to trust that Poe and the Resistance would be ready to attack as soon as the Destroyer jumped to light speed. When they struck there would be no ceremony at all, and if she had the opportunity, she would kill Hux herself before making her escape to reunite with her friends. And Kylo would let her do it.

She suddenly felt like crying, and so when she returned to the chamber and found she was alone, she picked up her doll and hugged it tightly, curling into a ball on his bed. She controlled her emotions well, not wanting to have to explain herself to Kylo later. After she had collected her thoughts, she moved into the ‘fresher to take another shower, as if the water could cleanse her body of Hux’s demeaning gaze. She stayed under the spray even long after she was clean, just staring at the wall in front of her.

She was going to have to leave Kylo. The reality of it had just set in. He was just going to let her walk away, and then what? Would he try to escape? Would he stand his ground and die in a blaze of glory? She thought he was insane to choose that over turning in to the Resistance, but she wouldn’t be able to stop him if that’s what he wanted.

Finally, she turned off the water and stepped out, just as she heard the chamber door slide open. She overheard him ruffling around as he removed his necessary accessories, and he brushed against her mind, testing to see if she was there. She sent him a quick pulse, and she sensed him approaching the ‘fresher. Yesterday even, she would have scrambled to cover herself, not wanting to be seen so exposed under these lights, but today she held her ground. If these next few days were to be her last moments with him, she didn’t want it to be tainted with pleading or arguing or broken promises.

When he entered the bathing room and saw her, standing there unabashedly naked, her soaked hair clinging to her neck, the water falling off of her in rivulets, he stood stone still. She stared back at him for one long moment before walking right up to him and attaching her mouth to his. He made a surprised noise in the back of his throat before his hands were on her, all over her.

She tugged at his shirt and he separated from her to remove it quickly, before reattaching their bodies. His clothes fell onto the damp floor, soaking up the water she had trailed all over the room. His hands ran down her back, over her rear and down her thighs until they came to the backs of her knees. He scooped her up effortlessly, their mouths barely even coming up for air. He pressed her back against the bathroom wall, the cold tile making a shiver run up her spine. Once she was supported, he dipped his head to suck on her breasts, and her fingers grabbed fistfuls of his hair as his lips moved.

When she wanted to feel his lips on hers again, she tugged his head up and slid her tongue into his mouth. She whispered his name between kisses, and he shifted her upwards, positioning himself against her.

She moved out of his grasp as she untangled her legs from his waist. When her feet hit the wet tile below, he looked to her in confusion, and a thick flush ran down her chest.

She wanted to try something, and for some reason the prospect of it was more intimidating than facing six Knights of Ren at once.

Rey gently knelt in front of him, and she saw his shoulders stiffen with understanding. He swallowed heavily as she reached out and took him in her hand, hesitating for only a moment before sliding her mouth onto him. His breathing hitched as she moved very slowly, still trying to figure out how to work her jaw and the shape of her mouth. Once she had picked up a steady rhythm, she saw him brace his hands against the wall out of the corner of her eye. She tried a couple of things, incorporating her tongue even, trying to pick up on what she thought he liked the best. She finally settled on just languidly moving up and down, only picking up speed when one of his hands came to grip her hair.

She wasn’t sure how long she knelt there for, but she felt his body becoming tenser and tenser until he abruptly relaxed, and something warm and salty filled her mouth. She jerked her head back in surprise, and ungracefully spat the fluid onto the floor before wiping her lips. She hoped that was the right thing to do, but Kylo didn’t seem to be bothered by it. She felt her body being lifted, felt his hair brush her shoulder as he transported them out of the bathing room, and then a bed was under her.

His kissed her once before moving under her, and she gasped in alarm as he gripped her thighs and turned her, so she hovered above his mouth.

“W-What are you _doing_?” she asked incredulously, as he spread her thighs apart.

“You’ll like this,” he told her simply, and she stared blankly until he gently pulled her onto his face.

She squirmed self-consciously, wondering how in the universe this could possibly be pleasant for him, but her thoughts quieted as his tongue worked her clit. It was far more sensitive from this angle than on her back, and she subconsciously rose a few times before he held her in place by the hips. She gripped his headboard as she squeezed her eyes shut, not believing how close she already was. She rubbed into him a bit, and his hands tightened on her hips as his speed picked up. She bobbed with him, her head back and her lips parted now as she climbed closer. She felt his tongue flick over her once more and then she came, her legs trembling as she breathed his name again and again.

That night he slipped inside her once more, but it was different than the first time. It was slower, more relaxed, and even his kisses had trailed tenderly. When they had finished he hugged her to his chest, his grip tight and his face hidden in her shoulder.

Rey held him back, her heart hammering when she felt a new emotion brush her mind, words that would not be vocalized. She didn’t blame him. It was false hope, but maybe by not saying them they could convince themselves this wasn’t lost from the start.

 

 

            It was the night before the ceremony.

Rey could sense the tension in the air as they ate beside each other in the common room. It was mostly silent, save for the occasional scrapings of silverware against plates.

Ever since that night, the one when they had held each other silently, something had changed. The past few days had been off between them, and only a fool wouldn’t know why. The uncertainty of the future was a weight on their shoulders, and it wasn’t one they could put down any time soon. The mutual distance they had created from each other was an attempt to block out the inevitable.

She glanced over at him, but he avoided her eye contact, choosing instead to stare down at the food he had barely touched. The longer she watched him, the angrier she became. Despite everything, despite the amount of times they had argued about this, she just had to try, one more time. She slammed her fork against the table so hard that it shook, but Kylo only raised his head slowly.

“Tell me Ben, if you had to choose, would you rather be slaughtered by the Resistance or your own people?” Rey fumed, fury and desperation turning her voice harsh.

He gazed back emptily. “Rey-” he started, but she cut him off.

“And don’t be so obtuse as to think the Knights will stand by your side in the end. They sense your instability. You’ve been isolating yourself from them since the day I boarded.” He remained silent, so she continued. “After all of your aspirations to rule the galaxy, you’re just finally going to give up? I don’t believe that. I don’t believe you would just stand here and die.”

She could feel his emotions churning beneath the surface, but he didn’t try to answer her again. He just watched her, his face as blank as if he were wearing his helmet.

“Well? Aren’t you going to say anything?” she demanded, practically yelling now. Tears pricked her eyes as he stared back at her. She felt something lurch within him, something so powerful and so miserable, a burning agony and then-

She felt nothing. He had severed their connection.

“You should leave,” he said, his voice strangely detached.

Rey blinked at him in bewilderment, and then she stood up noisily and exited through the tunnel. She knew in the back of her mind, through the pain and anger and sorrow she felt, that he was purposely doing this. He thought it would make it easier on them in the long run. Fine. She would sleep in a corridor tonight.

She would be lying if she said she wasn’t incredibly hurt that he had broken their connection. He had done it so quickly and effortlessly, as if it meant nothing at all. She knew this couldn’t be, but the irrational part of her mind longed to go back into his chambers and tear him to pieces.           

Once she had found a secluded corridor aboard the Destroyer, Rey sat with her back against the wall and waited. She knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep, so she refreshed her mind through meditation, letting go of all of the emotion she felt and giving herself over to the Force.

When she opened her eyes again she could hear the orderly marching of feet, and she knew the Stormtroopers were making preparations before the ship jumped to light speed.

It was morning.

Rey sat still for minutes, her mind completely blank as she listened to them march. She wondered if Hux was inquiring about her location; no doubt he wanted to make sure everything was set for his precious mutiny. Rey could sense the Force signatures of all six Knights, and she knew they were in the main hall.

They should be jumping to light speed any minute now. Afterwards the First Order would plan to land their ship, probably on one of their bases, but they wouldn’t get that far. Rey wondered if the Resistance was already in position, their fleets ready to annihilate everything and everyone on board this ship.

At last she stood and reached inside her outer tunic. She removed the crumpled piece of paper and unfolded it to the best of her ability. Her thumbs smoothed over the note, and she stared down at the now faded black lettering of her name. She stared and stared, a vacant expression on her face as she studied the various fonts.

Then she was done, and she ripped the note to shreds.

Rey walked along the corridor, away from the main hall. She even passed a couple of Stormtroopers, but they were far too busy with their orders to challenge her or even notice she was headed in the complete opposite direction of where she was supposed to be. She knew the Destroyer well enough by now to know where the escape pods were. As soon as the chaos began, she would jump ship and rejoin her friends.

Kylo was still in his chamber. At least, she thought he might be. She felt his Force signature in that faint way like she would feel anyone else’s. There wasn’t the absolute certainty like there was when they were connected through the bond. She hoped his signature would remain that way, so she wouldn’t be able to tell when it was finally snuffed out.

Rey’s hands gripped the railing. The ship should have jumped by now. Her teeth gritted together. Hux must be waiting for her. It would seem suspicious if their little Jedi prisoner wasn’t there to celebrate the grand ceremony. Sure enough, she felt three signatures coming straight towards her, and in a matter of moments the Knights appeared to escort her down. They didn’t speak or question why she was there, for which she was grateful. Rey went willingly, only taking the time to glance regretfully at the pod, making a mental note of its exact location, before she turned on her heel and marched with them.

They were absolutely silent as they walked with her, and Rey began to wonder if they knew _she_ knew about the mutiny. There were so many uncertain components that would come to light in these next few minutes that Rey wasn’t even sure it mattered which side they were on, as long as she knew they weren’t on hers.

As they arrived at the main hall, Rey gazed around and discovered Kylo was not present. Hux looked beyond impatient.

“Should we prepare to jump to light speed, Sir?” one low-ranking official asked, and Hux whipped around to glare at him.

“Do you _see_ the Supreme Leader here? There will be no jump without his presence. We wouldn’t want him to miss his own ceremony.” Every word out of Hux’s mouth leaked with anticipation and contempt.

Rey paused; perhaps she had found a way to spare Kylo, at least from the immediate slaughter by his own crew. She hoped with all her power that he would take the opportunity to flee, but she wouldn’t be surprised if he planned to hold his ground until the end. Even so, at least she could do this.

“The Supreme Leader mentioned he would arrive only after we made the jump to light speed,” she lied, but glanced at Hux meaningfully.

_Order them to make the jump, you bastard,_ she thought, knowing as soon as he did, he would be doomed.

Hux regarded her, and a smirk traced over his lips. He thought she was on his side for the moment, and since he had no idea of the ambush that awaited _him…_

“Very good. Prepare the jump then.”

Rey held in her sigh of relief. Hux strolled over to the great window in the main hall, and the Knights clustered not too far from him. Rey stood a little ways away, glad for the space between them. She would need it if she had any hope of escaping alive.

She heard the calls of the crew, heard Hux’s final order, and then she felt the ship’s pressure build. There was one powerful shake, and the familiar shifting in her stomach began to take form. The stars in the window stretched into lines and Rey closed her eyes, knowing this would be the last moment of peace she had before her world erupted into chaos.

The Star Destroyer jumped to light speed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: extreme violence. Here is the illustration for this one. [ Rey and Knight of Ren](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Rey-and-a-Knight-of-Ren-787082013)


	16. Chapter 16

 

            When the Destroyer came out of light speed, there was one blissful moment of silence.

And then everything erupted.

Rey almost crashed to her knees as explosions from every angle rattled the outside of the Destroyer, shaking its occupants aggressively. Hux turned, the look on his face almost comically shocked, before he barked out orders. Hundreds of Stormtroopers raced around the ship to follow his commands. Rey was nearly run over by the urgent minions, the once systematic hall morphing in panic and disorder. The Knights, however, stayed perfectly stagnant despite the pandemonium transpiring around them.

Through the bodies of Stormtroopers Rey saw Hux march right up to them, saw him scream in their faces, his face bloated, and his lips purple with rage. She watched as one of the Knights ignited his saber, but Hux, in the middle of his tirade, didn’t even notice.

It happened in slow motion. The Knight who had drawn his saber gripped Hux’s shoulder, and the other man barely had time to pause in his speech before he was impaled with the blade. Rey watched his eyes bulge with realization, and his mouth opened and closed several times before he fell, his body obscured in the sea of moving forms. The Stormtroopers, despite hundreds of them swarming the hall, didn’t even recognize in the chaos that their own military leader had collapsed.

Rey stumbled back as another great explosion shook the ship, and amidst the churning wave of Troopers she caught a glimpse of the Knights. All six had turned to stare at her.

Rey ran.

Her feet pounded against the tile, weaving through the white armored bodies, as she exited the hall. She turned several corridors, her breath coming out harshly as she scanned the aisles, searching for the escape pods. She slammed against a wall as yet another eruption racked the outside of the Destroyer, and she knew the Resistance was giving the First Order everything it had.

She picked up speed, the adrenaline coursing through her now. She turned and sped across a metal catwalk, knowing this was a short cut. She just needed to make it to a pod, and she could join her friends and-

Rey’s blood chilled as she sensed the Force signature too late. She cried out as she pitched forward and fell painfully against the metal grating of the catwalk. To her dismay, her saber plunged to the walkway below. She flipped herself over and scrambled away as the Knight with the hooded helmet stalked towards her. His heavy boots shook the entire walkway.

His saber was already ignited, and Rey knew she wouldn’t have time to rise before he ran her through, so she rolled off the metal aisle and plummeted ten feet onto the catwalk below. 

She landed in an agonizing crouch, forcing down a cry as she extended her hand to regain her saber. The weapon glided into her clutches, just as the Knight landed beside her with heavy impact.

Rey ignited her blade and swung around in the same moment, only barely blocking his attack. The Knight shoved her back with all his strength, and she stumbled, allowing him to swing again. His elbow rammed against her chin and her head jerked back harshly. She fell back against the railing, just out of his grasp.

“I never thought I’d see the day when Kylo Ren would chose a worthless Jedi over his own,” the Knight spat, pausing in his attack. “I’ll enjoy sinking my saber into you.”

Rey grunted, wiping a smear of blood from her chin. She straightened quickly, taking only one second to channel the Force before charging him with a ferocious yell. They clashed again, weaving madly in the narrow space of the walkway. She sliced his shoulder, and he roared in pain before kicking her mercilessly in the stomach. She staggered back, gripping her abdomen as she feebly held up her saber to block another one of his blows.

She winced through the sting of his attack and spun out of the way, the blade of his saber colliding with the railing where she had been only seconds ago. The impact sent up an array of sparks, and Rey hissed as some of them singed the skin on her upper arms. The Knight jolted his upper body in an attempt to remove his weapon, and Rey knew it was now or never.

Channeling the combat poses she had mastered, Rey lunged while spinning her lightsaber. The Knight barely had time to look up before the blades collided with his neck, cleanly slicing off his head. His corpse hung, tilting in mid-air for a moment, before dropping gracefully over the side of the railing. Rey watched as it plummeted out of sight. His saber clattered loudly from walkway to walkway as it made its descent until, it too, vanished. The Knight’s detached head skimmed by her feet, and Rey had to step to the side to avoid it.

She took a few breaths to collect herself before extinguishing her blades. Despite her victory the sounds and vibrations of the attack outside served as a reminder that she was far from safe. Rey pivoted and hurried down the walkway once more, in the direction where she knew the pods would be.

As she approached the miniature crafts, however, she heard a rustling in the otherwise silent docking port. Rey ignited her saber again, automatically suspicious. Unless Stormtroopers were suddenly deserting, there was no reason for the escape pods to be occupied at that current moment.

Rey tensed, ready to lash out as she rounded the corner.

“Rose?” she said in bewilderment, retracting her weapon as the engineer glanced up in surprise.

“Rey!” Rose exclaimed, coming forward to wrap her arms around the taller woman before stepping back. “Thank Stars you’re here!”

Rey blinked in shock, baffled that the engineer was in front of her. “How…?”

“Rey?”

She turned just as Finn poked his head out from behind one of the pods. His face lit up in an enormously relieved smile, and he crushed her to his chest in the next instant.

“Rey! We were so worried about you! You have to come with us, Poe needs all the help he can get out there and-”

Before Rey could inquire as to what in the universe the two of them were doing there in the first place, a couple pairs of footsteps approached them. The trio froze as they came face to face with two Stormtroopers. All three tensed in preparation for a fight, but to Rey’s continual surprise, the Troopers removed their helmets revealing a dark-skinned female and a redheaded male.

“Resistance. Good. Poe told us you’d be here,” the man said.

“You’re the spies we’re picking up?” Finn clarified, albeit a bit unnecessarily.

“That’s right, Comrade,” the woman said, then turned to Rey. “Anything to help out the Resistance.” She gave her a wink, and Rey was led to believe this was the woman who had slipped her the note weeks before.

“Poe sent us to extract the rebel spies,” Rose explained to Rey, and the latter was glad she had some sort of context. “We were dropped onboard as soon as the First Order came out of light speed. We didn’t know if we would find you here, but now that we have-”

“You can come with us,” Finn said eagerly, as the other spies began to prepare a couple of the pods.

“We need to leave now,” the dark-skinned woman urged, “I don’t want to stick around in case any real Stormtroopers show up.”

As everyone began to move to their own individual pod, Rey hesitated, feeling a familiar thrum in the Force. Although Kylo had intentionally severed their connection, she could still feel his signature, albeit not as strongly. She couldn’t tell exactly where he was, but she sensed five other signatures nearby, and she knew if the Knights hadn’t already closed in on him, they would at any moment.

Rey’s hands gripped the side of the pod, her teeth grinding together. She had come here to escape, to join her friends in what might be the final battle of this drawn out war. But standing here now, feeling his signature and knowing his time was almost up…

“Rey?” Finn questioned, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Rey, come on! This place is going down!”

She took a step back, shaking her head. “I can’t leave yet.”

“What?” Rose gasped as Finn regarded her in absolute shock.

Rey glanced over her shoulder at the corridor entrance, back the way she had come. “There’s something…”

Finn placed his hands on her shoulders, practically shaking her. “Rey, listen to me. You don’t have to do this. Poe…told me some things. You can’t go back for him. He’s…He’s…” Finn took a deep breath, “You don’t have to be selfless anymore. Come back with us. Please.”

Rey carefully removed his hands from her and took a few steps back. She watched the desperation churning in his eyes, and it made her heart break that she was about to do this to him again. Misery shifted across her face as she gave her best friend a look that begged for understanding.

She shook her head. “This is the most selfish thing I’ve ever done,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”

She didn’t bother waiting to see his face twist in agony. She knew she wouldn’t be able to bear it. She sprinted out of the docking port and down the corridor, knowing that it was very possible she would never make it out of this ship alive.

There were flames everywhere. The damage to the Destroyer was reflected in the heat of the inferno that scaled its walls, the falling debris indicating the craft would soon be nothing more than ash. Her decision to stay here meant her time was just as limited as Kylo’s was.  

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/168737032@N02/40308447713/in/dateposted-public/)

Rey didn’t know where she was going, but her feet led her to Kylo’s chambers. She burst into the room to find it in utter ruin. The expensive wood of the bureau and desk was shattered into millions of pieces. Burn marks trailed along the walls in ragged crosses. The massive headboard that framed his bed was split down the middle, the mattress a tattered mess. She glanced down at her feet and found the blackened, cotton remains of her doll, the figure devastated beyond recognition.

She wasn’t sure if the Knights or Kylo himself had done this. The only thing she did know was that the room was empty, and she would soon be dead if she didn’t find a better way to complete her search.

Rey closed her eyes and reached out with the Force, the energy beating inside her mind and soul. She searched for Kylo, burying her fear of losing him, her desperation at being alone on board, her guilt for leaving Finn. She tried grasping at anything resembling their bond, and nearly cried out when she felt a trace.

She ran down another series of corridors, the signature melding together with five others like it, and she knew the remaining Knights had just found him. There was a part of her that foolishly hoped they would spare him, but she knew the odds were slim to none. Now that the First Order was in shambles, and its leader deemed unstable, it was the perfect opportunity for a power grab.

Sweat beaded on her forehead as she sprinted down hallway after hallway, having to reroute her direction twice to avoid stumbling into a nest of Stormtroopers. Her injuries ached from her duel with the hooded Knight, but she suppressed the hurt as she surged onward.

Then a Force signature was snuffed out.

Rey skidded to a halt, her heart dropping like a stone. No. It couldn’t be.

_Ben,_ she screamed in her mind, the strength of it echoing across the craft. She sensed a faint pulse in response, and she practically choked in her relief. She broke out into a dash, feeling the power of the signature grow with every stride. She came to a set of massive doors and without hesitation she reached out a hand and blew them open.

She was in the training room. The space was still set up in its arena display, a collection of Force sensitive weapons lining one panel. It was like she had stumbled into a nightmare. Everything before her played sluggishly, and in that one moment she noticed three things.

The first was that the Knight with the pointed helmet lay facedown on the floor, the small of his back burned through all the way down to the other side. Rey knew he was dead the moment she saw him, his signature untraceable.

The second thing she took in was Kylo, who was on one knee. Several purple bruises had already formed across his face, his lips were coated with blood, and he had a deep cut above his eyebrow, leaking more of the fluid into his vision. His breathing was labored, but he gripped his saber intently, and his eyes burned with an anger so intense it could have seared through the galaxy.

The third thing was the remaining Knights, each with their sabers drawn. Their stances gave Rey the impression they had an unspoken understanding to defeat Kylo before vying for the throne. Rey knew the Knights weren’t the type to stall and make small talk, the way Snoke had been, so when they advanced towards Kylo, Rey knew they intended to finish the job.

Before they even had time to process her disruptive arrival, she instinctively whipped out her hand and felt their bodies shift with her power. All four Knights collided harshly against the opposite wall. Two of the Knights’ sabers fell out of their hands from the impact.

Rey stared in shock at her fingertips as the Force beat throughout her entire being. She hadn’t been able to summon this kind of strength since she had nearly submitted to the Dark. Now the Dark and Light entwined together as purpose emanated from the depths of her spirit.

Not wasting another second, she rushed to Kylo’s side, lifting him up by the shoulder, and withdrawing her own saber just as the Knights began to rise again.

“You shouldn’t have come back,” Kylo rasped, his voice wet from the blood lining the inside of his throat.

“You shouldn’t have stayed,” she bit back, shifting her weight in front of him as the Knights approached again. She grasped his hand and squeezed it briefly, their bond flowing through them in a way it hadn’t before. “Ben, if we survive this, you’re coming with me.”

“We won’t survive this.”

“I know.”

Her hand released his as the two took their battle stances, and then the Knights were on them. Rey and Kylo remained close as their weapons clashed wildly with their opponents. Rey could feel how tired Kylo was. He couldn’t have been on his own for more than a couple of minutes before her arrival, but then again, a five on one battle wasn’t exactly fair.

Knowing he wouldn’t be able to perform at his best, Rey shifted her stance, angling herself between him and three of the Knights. She could sense his fury with her for doing something so foolish, but she blocked his anger from her mind. If she could buy him time to cut down the Knight in front of him, then they would be that much closer to getting out of this disaster.

Rey twirled her saber in an arc, scrapping the arm of one Knight and biting into the shoulder of another. She knew she couldn’t make many offensive moves when it was three on one, but she could at least throw them off. She balanced her weight on her back heel, preparing to put up another blocking maneuver when the Destroyer lurched, and everyone in the room was brutally thrown to the ground.

Out of the corner of her eye, Rey saw the saber of the tallest Knight clatter several feet behind him. As he stood up to retrieve it, Rey extended her own hand from the ground, and the ignited weapon surged in her direction. Before the Knight could even process what was happening, he was impaled by his own weapon, the blood red of the blade running straight through his chest.

She had little time to celebrate, for another Knight made to slice her in two, and she rolled out of the way, narrowly avoiding a deathblow. She was on her feet at once, finding Kylo was already preoccupied with the Knight who had worn the angled helmet.

At present, however, the man’s headgear lay in a melted puddle on the floor. The tanned skin of his face and neck stood out among the reds of the training room. His saber had also been knocked out of his hand in the fall, and he had yet a chance to retrieve it. In order to compensate the Knight had withdrawn a weapon from the panel against his back, a Force resistant anvil.

Rey snapped her head back in front of her, realizing she had her own problems. She twisted out of the way to avoid another strike, but as she did so a cold jolt of terror washed over her. She had left her back undeniably exposed for the second Knight to swoop in and finish her. She felt the power of the Knight’s swing as he made to inject her back with his saber, but the searing pain never came. Kylo extended one commanding arm, and the Knight who had almost killed her soared into the wall, the ferocity of the impact crunching his bones and ending his life at once. The Knight in front of her didn’t even flinch as his comrade fell, and his and Rey’s blades collided in a gridlock.

Rey could feel the black rage pulsing within Kylo after his merciless action, but his effort to save her life had cost him. The tan-skinned Knight smashed his anvil into his former leader’s shoulder, dangerously close to his neck, and Kylo fell to his knees. Rey cried out in horror, but was utterly defenseless to come to his aid when she was fighting so desperately to keep herself from meeting a similar fate.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw the tan-skinned Knight wrench the weapon from Kylo’s flesh and toss it to the side. The sound of the anvil’s removal was sickening, and Kylo screamed in agony as it shredded his shoulder. The Knight reached out with the Force and his fallen saber sailed across the room into his outstretched hand. He turned back to where Kylo slumped on the ground. The latter raised his uninjured arm weakly to deflect the killing blow. The two became gridlocked in a similar nature as Rey and her opponent, but she knew Kylo wouldn’t last long with his injury.

Rey’s head swiveled, and she noticed the abandoned anvil was only a few yards away from her. She stepped back, giving her opponent the impression that her resolve was waning. Kylo’s eyes briefly flickered to her from his place on the floor. Through his sweat and blood he analyzed her movements, trying to figure out her plan. She knew what she was about to do next could kill her, but if she didn’t try, it would haunt her for the rest of her life.

She continued to back up until finally she swung her body to the left and extinguished her saber, offsetting the balance of the Knight and ended their gridlock. He stumbled and Rey kicked out with her foot, forcing him to topple to the ground in range of Kylo. Rey took the opportunity to pick up the anvil by its grip.

_Switch,_ she commanded in his mind, trusting he would know what she meant. He did as she told without question.

Rey threw the anvil with all her might as Kylo dove to the fallen Knight, narrowly avoiding his enemy’s blade as it arched to the floor. Kylo brought his saber down, decapitating Rey’s opponent in one fell swoop. In the same instant, the anvil Rey had thrown stuck into the skull of the tan-skinned Knight, and he wobbled for a moment before careening to the side.

The sensation of two Force signatures extinguishing at the same time shook her to her core, and she collapsed to her knees. Kylo stared at her over the bodies of their enemies before his eyes became glassy. His shoulder injury glistened in a dark ruby.

“Ben,” Rey called frantically, rising shakily and moving to his side. Her arm curled around his back as she helped him stand, but when she retracted it she noticed her hand was coated heavily in his blood. He started to sway dangerously, so she hooked his uninjured arm over her shoulder, bearing the brunt of his weight. “We have to get out of here,” she wheezed, as yet another blast rocked the Destroyer. “The escape pods-”

“No,” Kylo rasped. “Too far. I have a craft-” he grimaced in agony, and Rey readjusted her grip on him.

“We’ll find it,” she replied, her voice laced with resolve. “Come on.”

Kylo mumbled directions to Rey as she struggled to support the both of them. The two moved slower, far slower than Rey would have liked, but she knew Kylo was barely hanging on as it was. If they didn’t find something to stop his wound from flowing, he would bleed out before they even made it to his craft.

Rey paused, allowing him to rest as they came to the entrance of the main hall. He slumped against the paneling as she tore one armband from her appendage and shoddily wrapped it over his shoulder. It was a terrible job, but at least half of the laceration appeared to be covered.

“It’s just a bit further,” Rey insisted, leaning down for him again, but he waved her off weakly.

“Rey,” he panted, “just go.”

“What?” she said incredulously. “If you think I came back just to-”

“We’d have to cross the hall,” he spat, pain and anxiety causing his voice to rise. “Hundreds of Troopers. I can’t-”

Rey crouched down until she was right in his face. “Don’t make me choose whether or not to leave you here,” she snapped, her expression stony. “Because I’ll leave. I chose _you_ over the Resistance. I won’t do it again.” She grabbed his arm and tried to haul him to his feet. “Get up!”

Kylo unsteadily rose, but his eyes were blank. “We’ll be dead as soon as we enter. I’m not strong enough.”

“Yes you are. I’ll help you.” She wove her hand through his and stared at him meaningfully. He gazed back, and she knew he was remembering the power they had shared together, back on Yavin, when they had touched through their bond. The memory seemed to revitalize something in him, and he refocused his glassy stare.

They moved into the entrance hall, his weight on her and their hands intertwined. Sure enough hundreds of Stormtroopers ran rampant through the area, heeding the orders of low-ranking military officials since there was no one else to give them direction. Rey knew Kylo was right; they would never be able to cross through the room alive; they would be detected within moments.

Unless they parted the sea.

Rey shifted his weight once more before placing the arm she supported over her own. She raised their hands together, and she closed her eyes. The energy from their combined focus weaved around them, and the war became silent. The only thing she could hear was his breathing and her own. The only thing she could feel was their tangled fingers. Together they summoned the Force, harnessed it with all their power, and then finally let go.

The Force exploded from their fingers, an invisible avalanche sweeping hundreds of Troopers off their feet. Their bodies dove in every angle except towards the source of the power. As soon as the energy had released, Kylo doubled over, utterly exhausted. Rey wanted to collapse herself, but she knew that wasn’t an option.

They stumbled across the hall, following the jagged cracks in the tile they had created with their display of force. By the time the Troopers and officials had begun to rise, they had crossed the threshold into the docking port.

“Where is it?” Rey gasped, her arms shaking from the effort of supporting him. He didn’t answer, all of his energy being put into moving with her. Rey, realizing she was on her own now, looked around frantically, searching for a craft large enough for the two of them.

Her eye finally caught the dark ebonies of his TIE Silencer, and with a grunt of effort she limped them over to their escape craft. It took minutes, painful minutes for her to help him inside, and when she had she could barely lift her own body up beside him. She caught a glimpse of herself in the reflection of the glass and discovered she barely recognized the image staring back at her.

Her hair was half-torn out of her buns; her face and arms were peppered with black and purple bruises; her bottom lip was swollen beyond belief. It was her eyes though, that caught her attention. They burned with fury and fear and determination, but deep inside her irises something else sparkled there.

Hope.

They were going to make it out of this.

With a final grunt, Rey closed the seal of the command shuttle and prepared to launch directly into the warfare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Illustration: [ Rey Goes Back for Kylo ](https://www.deviantart.com/okaaragem/art/Rey-Goes-Back-for-Kylo-Ren-787082238)


	17. Chapter 17

            Rey was instantly swarmed with laser fire.

It was a miracle they had gotten out when they did, for one look back at the Destroyer and the mighty ship had been reduced to nothing more than scrap metal. Rey had never flown a command shuttle, and she wasn’t exactly at her top performing levels at the moment, so her flight patterns were bumpy. The space was cramped with Kylo pressed beside her, but it wasn’t unbearable. It was a good thing that First Order elite was pretentious enough to have absurdly roomy one-person crafts.

Rey gripped the controls, figuring out very quickly which ones were used to fire. Now that she was in the air, she could take the opportunity to help out the Resistance. She clenched her teeth as she dove into a spiral to avoid a cluster of rebel X-Wings. The encounter made her remember she was in an enemy craft. Unless she wanted to be shot down by her own people, she needed to make a great spectacle to let them know she was on their side.

Rey’s eyes locked on a First Order dreadnought, which must have come to the Destroyer’s aid when the battle began. She flew towards the massive craft, firing her blasters and managing to take out a laser cannon. She yelled in triumph as she swerved out of the way again. Now if only she could find a way to contact the Resistance…

As she flew around the dreadnought, occasionally taking out some of its smaller weapons in her flight, it occurred to Rey that Kylo had been very quiet. She risked a quick glance at him and found he was slumped to the side. His wound was flowing freely again, and the armband she had wrapped around his shoulder was a dark maroon.

“Ben?” she called, swerving again to avoid laser fire. “Ben!”

She reached through their bond and for a moment she felt nothing. Then she sensed a small semi-conscious pulse, and she could breath again. He was still with her.

She rifled around in the Silencer’s compartments, searching for some sort of bandage or bacta patch. She kicked her foot out in frustration when she came up empty handed. If he was going to survive, she needed to land somewhere and soon.

Rey’s heart hammered in her chest when she dove again a few minutes later and came in line with the _Millennium Falcon._ The older ship was surrounded by a group of smaller First Order crafts, and by the looks of it, had already sustained some damage.

Rey gripped the controls of the shuttle until her knuckles turned a bright white. She flicked a few dials and then soared into the cluster, taking out two crafts as she did so. The ships, realizing they were under attack, disbanded, and the _Falcon_ was saved. Rey shot another worried glance at Kylo. If he wasn’t so injured she might have risked trying to connect with the _Falcon_ right then, even in their current shuttle. She didn’t have the luxury of time, however, so she punched in a transmission signal and hoped Chewie would eventually pick it up.

She needed to find solid ground and quickly. But where could she go that would guarantee the supplies she needed?

Rey jerked forward against the controls as the Silencer’s left wing was hit. She swore and dipped downwards, her stomach twisting into knots from the descent. If she wanted to jump to light speed and get them out of there, she would have to do it now. A list of possible locations flooded her brain. Tattooine? There wasn’t a guarantee she could find medical supplies. Hoth? Too remote and much too dangerous in their current conditions. Coruscant? Too busy; they would be spotted within moments of arrival.

Rey stalled as another place popped into her mind, and the sweat on her body turned cold. The planet was vast enough for them to remain inconspicuous, and she knew the area like the back of her hand. There would be no question of whether or not she could gather the supplies she needed.

Despite the sudden unpleasant taste in her mouth, her mind was made up. Rey twirled the Silencer around, and then, after she had landed a couple more blows to the dreadnought, she distanced herself from the chaos before jumping to light speed.

 

 

            Rey swore she would never come back to Jakku, but she decided this would have to be the one exception. It wasn’t like she could have changed her mind after the jump anyway, for as soon as the Silencer came out of light speed, Rey felt the injured wing of the craft rattle dangerously.

She eased the ship into the atmosphere, and once she was close enough to recognize the desert landscape, she made the slight adjustments she needed, so they could land safely.

It took several minutes of careful maneuvering, but Rey eventually parked the shuttle close enough to her old AT-AT that she could help Kylo without too much trouble. Although it had been years since she had been on her ‘home’ planet, everything looked exactly as she had remembered.

As soon as she popped open the top of the Silencer, the oppressive heat and fierce wind raked across her face. Her cheeks instantly stung from the whipping sands. She ignored the minute slices across her face and focused all of her energy on moving Kylo, which was a far more difficult task than she had anticipated.

In her exhaustion, Rey began to see double vision, and she tuned into the Force to help give her strength. Kylo was silent in their bond, all except for a few peaceful pulses, and Rey knew he had stumbled into unconsciousness.

Yelling in pain and effort, Rey moved half his body over hers and stumbled into her AT-AT. Once they were sheltered from the blistering winds, Rey collapsed, Kylo’s body landing harshly on top of hers.

The metal flooring of the broken down machinery dug into her face, and with a grunt, she threw Kylo ungracefully off of her. She staggered to her feet, her eyes tracing around her old home in a fatigued haze. She tripped over herself as she crossed the space, digging into her old supplies and withdrawing dirty bandages and a primitive version of a bacta patch.

It was all she had, and it might not even do the job, but she didn’t have another choice. Tears of frustration brewed in her eyes as her shaking hands struggled to tear off Kylo’s shirt, the smell of his blood and torn flesh making her gag. She moved over to her supplies again and retrieved a bottle of clear liquor. She had never been a drinker, but the alcohol had come in handy in times such as these. She poured the fluid onto his gaping wound, unsettled when he didn’t even stir.

She wrapped him in the bandages after sealing the massive hole with the bacta patch. She grabbed her patchy pillow from the bunk she used to sleep on and lifted Kylo’s head, so she could move it under him. When she was confident she had done all she could, she blundered her way back to the Silencer and sent another transmission to Chewie. She sent one to Poe as well, and then became alarmed when her vision began to blacken. She used her remaining energy to make it back inside, immediately crumpling to her knees as the adrenaline finally faded from her, and she was left with oblivion.

When she jerked awake hours later, it was dark outside. She instantly leaned over to Kylo and checked his breathing. It was strong, but his blood had soaked through the bandage again, and in the light of the moon, he looked deathly pale.

Rey hated to leave him there, but she needed to head into the bazaar. If she was lucky she would be able to steal some food and water, and maybe even find better medical supplies.

Thankfully, the expedition didn’t take more than an hour. She returned with a portion of water and a new roll of bandages but no food. The items she had managed to grab weren’t ideal bounty, but she was grateful for them anyway.

Rey took out a rag she had found lying on the floor and covered a bit of it in water, before taking a swig for herself. She began to clean the dried blood off of Kylo’s face and chest. She removed his bandages and tried to mop up as much blood as she could, but the wound began flowing freely again, so she abandoned her efforts and just rewrapped it in the new bandages.

Now that his face was clean, she could see for herself how many bruises covered his skin. She was sure she didn’t look any better, but it was unnerving to watch him like this, so frail and broken.

She tried to reach out to him with the Force, but his thoughts were murky and muddled. She was sure if she tried hard enough she could rouse him, but she didn’t want to risk injuring him further. So she laid on her side and shut her eyes, hoping she could figure something out for them the next morning.

When Rey came to again she felt the harsh Jakku sun streaming through the AT-AT. That wasn’t what caused her to awaken though. A rough hand ran over hers, and she turned her head stiffly to find Kylo squinting at her.

“Rey,” he croaked, his voice weak from dehydration.

Rey grabbed the water canteen and pressed the container to his lips, angling his head so he could drink from it. He practically inhaled the water, wiping any remnants from his cracked lips when he had finished. Rey snuck a quick glance over at his shoulder and breathed a sigh of relief when she discovered it hadn’t gotten any worse.

“Where are we?” he asked, sitting up slowly, grimacing from the effort.

“Jakku.”

He snorted. “Of course we are.” He glanced around the AT-AT, and Rey wondered if he was thinking about the last time he had visited this place. Stars, that seemed like an eternity ago.

Rey gathered his torn shirt and helped ease it over his head, knowing it was better to have some form of skin protection on this planet. When she fixed his collar, she noticed his staring, and she blinked at him.

“What?”

He never answered her, but he didn’t need to, for at the moment there was a disturbance in the Force. Rey rose to her feet, removing her saber, and Kylo unsteadily stood to join her. He limped out with her and Rey allowed him to, knowing he would have argued otherwise. As they exited the AT-AT, Kylo bent into a kneel, his exhaustion overtaking him once more. He ignited his saber and let it hang limply at his side. Rey stood by him, curiosity causing her to delay the ignition of her own saber.

The presences grew, and then they heard them, and then they _saw_ them.

Loads upon loads of rebel ships landed; Chewie or Poe must have received her transmission. Kylo didn’t seem surprised or angry at their arrival, but Rey expected he was just too exhausted to care anymore. It only took minutes for the Resistance to swarm them on all sides, dozens of rebels pouring from each craft and aiming their weapons at the pair.

Rey began to pick out familiar faces. First Chewie, and then Rose. BB-8 was next, followed by Connix, and then so many more. Her heart leapt with a mixture of joy and anxiety as Poe and Finn wove their way through the crowd, coming to stand in the front. They both donned expressions that wavered between relief and outrage.

It was dead silent. Nobody moved; nobody spoke. The only sound was the faint ruffling of clothing in the desert wind. Rey stared at her two closest friends. Inside she was a jumble of emotions, but externally her eyes only held exhaustion and then finally, resolve.

Without a word she stepped in front of Kylo and ignited her saber.

There were several gasps of shock, including one from Rose and Connix. Finn’s eyes widened, but he didn’t speak. The way he looked at her made it seem like he was taking her in for the first time in years.

Poe, on the other hand, didn’t seem shaken by her silent threat. His eyes never left hers, and although they didn’t have a Force Bond, Rey felt as though they understood each other in that instant.

Poe turned to address his people. “Take them both to a medical bay,” he said, and his crew stared blankly back at him. “You heard me,” he added, a little firmer, and everyone parted to allow his orders to be carried out.

Rey extinguished her saber, and after a long hesitation, Kylo followed suit. Despite Poe’s orders, no one made to move to their assistance. Rey heaved Kylo up, and supporting him on one side, they boarded the main rebel ship.

She was stunned when Kylo’s lightsaber wasn’t confiscated right away. Once the ship had taken off, the two were escorted to the med-bay and treated like any other patients. Kylo’s bandages were finally replaced with high quality bacta patches, and Rey was treated for her bumps and lacerations.

After their major wounds were tended to they were given new clothes, ones that weren’t covered in blood and ash. Rey couldn’t stop staring at Kylo once he had donned the new apparel. The neutral tans and browns of the clothes he wore contrasted with his raven hair. This was the first time she had seen him in something other than black in real life.

When the med and assistant droids left them, Poe entered the bay accompanied by two large men. Rey noticed one of them held cuffs in his hands. Although the rebel officers seemed uneasy, Poe coolly strolled up to Kylo and held out his hand.

Rey’s eyes widened at the General’s straightforwardness. She watched Kylo’s face darken as he recognized what was being demanded of him. For one star shattering moment Rey thought he would refuse or even try to harm Poe, but Kylo eventually reached for his saber. She watched him unclip his prized weapon and stare down at it as he gripped it tightly. Then, robotically, he placed his saber into Poe’s outstretched hand.

Poe didn’t waste any time. “Cuff him,” he said to his comrades, and the men moved to secure the restraints around Kylo’s wrists. Rey watched helplessly as he was led away, but she didn’t bother to call out to him, just as he didn’t bother to turn around to look at her. When he was out of sight, Rey swallowed heavily.

“What will happen?”

Poe regarded her, a bit of his mask finally breaking. “There will be a trial.”

Rey nodded stiffly. “He’ll be executed.” It wasn’t a question.

Poe paused. “Yes.”

She inhaled shakily, clenching and unclenching her fists. “I suppose it doesn’t matter then. That he killed Snoke. And the Knights of Ren.”

Poe sighed. “Rey-”

“I’m selfish I know,” she bit out, angry at herself for caring so much when her friends should have been far more important. “I can stand here and pretend it was all for the Resistance, o-or for Leia, but it wasn’t. It was for me.” She blinked back tears of shame. Part of her wished she had just gone back with Finn. At least that action would have made sense.

Poe came up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I wasn’t going to say that,” he said, his voice becoming softer. She avoided his eye contact. “And you can say it was just for you all you want,” he continued, “but that doesn’t make it true. We wouldn’t have been able to defeat the First Order without you, Rey. You dismantled an entire empire from the inside.” He paused. “Leia would have been proud of us.”

Rey’s face crumpled, and she felt Poe’s arms come around her. She embraced him tightly, latching onto him in the hopes that if she hung on, her guilt and sorrow wouldn’t drag her under.

 

 

            Rey wasn’t allowed to visit Kylo for several days. A council was forming so the First Order’s former Supreme Leader could be tried. In the meantime Poe visited her often to check on her recovery progress, as well as gather details from her time aboard the Destroyer. He couldn’t guarantee it would help Kylo’s ruling, but it was important for him to know the whole situation. Unlike her past briefings with Poe, Rey told him as much as she could bear. She, of course, omitted the more intimate details of her stay, but she had a feeling Poe could see right through to her anyway.

He told her she would have to repeat her entire story for the council once it was formed. She agreed.

Rey would be lying if she said she hadn’t been trying to avoid Finn since she had been reunited with the Resistance. It pained her to do so, but she felt incredibly guilty for leaving him…she just didn’t know what she could possibly say to make it right.

So when he finally confronted her in her chamber one afternoon, she could tell he was angry and hurt.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on for once, Rey?” he asked, his voice laced with frustration and resentment.

Rey flinched from the sting in his voice, and she stared down at her feet in humiliation. “Finn…I’m sorry. I’ve been a kriffing awful friend.”

“Ever since Coruscant I feel like things haven’t been the same with us,” he said, his underlying misery finally peeking through. “You’ve changed.”

“I know. I don’t know how to repair the damage I’ve caused.”

He was quiet for a long time. Then he kicked at the ground uncomfortably. “Look. I don’t want it to be like this. I want you in my life, Rey, but I can’t do that if you won’t even talk to me.”

Rey looked up then, her eyes firm. “You’re right.”

Finn blinked in surprise at her sudden switch in demeanor. “I-I am?”

She nodded, and then moved to sit on her bunk. She patted the place beside her, and he immediately sat down and leaned against her wall, just like old times. “You need to hear the truth. All of it. I owe you that.”

So she told him everything. She explained what Poe had already communicated to him, but she made sure to include more details. She told him about Hux’s proposition, about her battles with the Knights, about Ben Solo. She even told him some of the more intimate details she had left out when recounting Poe. The doll. The calligraphy. The dice. The…compassion she and Kylo shared for one another.

He stared at her intently the entire time as she explained, interrupting her every now and then to ask a question, but otherwise remaining silent. When she finished it was if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

“Wow,” Finn said, and she smiled at his dumfounded reaction. It was so utterly him. “So,” he continued, clearing his throat a couple of times, “you and Ren are…”

“We’re not really anything,” she told him honestly. “I just…I’m not sure how to explain.”

Finn chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean I think you explained plenty.” His eyes softened. “Thanks for telling me, Rey.” They embraced tightly for several moments before he drew back, looking a bit unsure again. “So this trial…I mean…are you ready for it?”

Rey shook her head. “I don’t think I’ll ever be.”

Finn rubbed a hand over his forehead. “Look, I get you and he shared a lot of things…even if I don’t understand the half of it, but he’s gotta pay for what he’s done Rey. The list is too long.”

“I know.”

They were quiet as they both drifted into their own thoughts. Finn glanced up after a while, his eyebrows furrowed. “Mind if I ask you something?”

“Of course not.”

“What are you gonna do? After all this is over.”

Rey stared at him. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Finn smiled weakly. “Well, I mean, we won. We don’t have to fight anymore so…I guess we all just have to figure out what we’re gonna do after the details are all sorted out.”

She opened her mouth to speak, and then closed it. It had never actually occurred to her that she would have to make a decision like that. For as long as she could remember she had had a cause. For most of her life it was to wait for her parents on Jakku, and then in more recent years it was to win the war. She had never the time to think of what she would want to do afterwards.

She supposed it was her obligation to begin training the other Force sensitive children; they needed a teacher after all, but what after that? Was that to be her entire life?

“What will you do?” she asked instead.

Finn grinned. “The Resistance captured a lot of Stormtroopers during the battle. I’ve been able to meet with some of them and…they’re really not all that different from how I was.” His eyes became bright. “I think I can do some good. You know, help them with the recovery process and all that. The First Order had some crazy brainwashing methods, I would know. It takes a lot out of you, but it’s not always permanent. I think I can help these people, name some of them even. I know that helped me.” He looked at his hands bashfully. “Poe thinks I’d be great at it.”

Rey felt a warmth spread throughout her chest as she gazed at her friend. She was so happy for him in that moment. He had found his purpose. She took his hand and squeezed it firmly, and he gave her a fond look.

She wondered what her purpose would be.

 

 

            “You have five minutes,” the rebel guard told her, and she stared ahead, waiting for the cell door to open.

It had been two weeks since she had seen Kylo face to face. Poe wanted to maintain as much order as he could before the trial, and that meant eliminating any special privileges to his friends. Although he must have found the point moot now, seeing as Kylo’s fate would be determined within the hour.

When the door closed behind her, she found him sitting on a bench in the corner. He looked clean and healthy, and utterly odd in his light colored clothing. When he noticed her entrance, he stood up at once. He seemed like he wanted to move in and embrace her, but something kept him from doing so. She didn’t blame him. She felt it too.

“So they finally let you come,” he observed, his voice holding trace amounts of distain.

Rey swallowed. “Yes. I can’t stay for long.” Kylo nodded, then looked off at nothing. Rey swallowed again before speaking. “I’m going to testify on your behalf.”

He seemed surprised by this, but he hid it well. She thought she could sense it through their connection, but their bond hadn’t been quite the same since he had severed it on the Destroyer.

“I’m sure that will displease your friends.” He said the last word like a curse.  

“Ben-”

“Will it be a death sentence then?” he asked quietly, and her heart sank.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “It’s likely.”

He was silent for a moment, and then he came up to her. He towered over her frame, and she stared up at him, unsure of what to think or feel. Then, slowly, delicately, he leaned down to kiss her. It wasn’t like any of their previous kisses. It wasn’t needy, or passionate, or desperate, or caring.

It was a kiss good-bye.

He had barely broken the contact when the cell doors opened, and four guards entered the room, one of them holding restraints. Kylo stared at them blankly before holding out his wrists. The restraints were applied, and then he was led out of the cell, in the direction of where his trial would be held.

Rey didn’t realize how numb she was until after he had gone. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to treat you all and post the remaining chapters! Unfortunately for these last two I don’t have drawings, but I think you’ll appreciate the writing more than the illustrations anyway. 
> 
> Make sure to read the author’s note at the beginning of my next chapter. It will detail a potential idea for a more romance/character based story about our favorite couple!

            The trial room was packed to the brim. There were maybe hundreds of attendees, so many that they spilled into the corridors, peeking over each other to try and get a look at the accused. Rey had to push through the mob to take her place on the sidelines for when she was called to testify.

Her eyes scanned over the courtroom and she recognized Chewie, Finn and Rose on the other side. Poe, Connix, and several other officials-including some of the senators from Coruscant-made up the council that would determine Kylo’s fate.

Kylo stood in the center of the room, a small podium in front of him. His wrists were cuffed, and he babied his injured shoulder, but other than that he appeared physically fine.

Rebels from all around the courtroom shouted obscenities, and some even tried to spit in his direction. Kylo’s face remained impassive though, as he stared at the council in front of him.

Rey’s eyes moved over to study her friends again. Rose, unsurprisingly, was one of the many who scowled at Kylo; she had lost her sister in this war after all. Finn seemed uncomfortable with the whole situation, his frown betraying his conflict. Chewie just looked sad, his eyes never leaving his deceased friend’s son.

Connix and Poe eventually called for silence in the makeshift courtroom. Each council member took turns with introductions of the case and then began to detail the long list of offenses Kylo had committed.

There were many. So, so many. There were more than Rey had thought possible, and her heart sank a little further as each one was read. Many of his crimes had been committed before she had even left Jakku, before she knew any of this existed. When the council had finished, they asked for a plea.

Kylo leaned forward the tiniest bit. “Guilty,” he answered. No point in disputing it.

The crowd began to shout atrocities again, but Poe called for order and they fell into a disgruntled silence. Poe called for testimonies next, promising that the council would take each one into account when deliberating Kylo’s sentence.

One by one rebels took the stand to recount their own experiences with the accused. Rey recognized maybe half of them. She stood for hours, her knuckles white as she gripped the railing in front of her. Some witnesses were calm and composed, others were weepy and despondent; most were shaken with a deep rage.

When Chewbacca took the stand, a translator stood by his side for the council’s benefit. Chewie communicated the most painful night of his life; the night Han Solo was killed. He shared what he had witnessed the day of Leia’s death too, his wails becoming more touched with sorrow the longer he spoke. When he was finished he stared at Kylo for a long moment before bowing his head.

Rey noticed that Kylo swallowed heavily as the Wookie retreated back into the stands. She tried to reach out to him, but his thoughts were silent.

Finn was next, and when he came in front of the podium his hands were balled into fists.

“Finn, is it?” A Twi’lek man spoke. “I’m told you served many years under the First Order as a Stormtrooper before defecting. Perhaps you could give the council some details of your experiences?”

Finn cleared his throat and tried to speak, but his voice came out croaky and nervous, so he cleared it again. “W-when I was a Stormtrooper, I had no name. I was FN-2187. I had been taken from a family I’ll never know, and I was expected to give my life to the First Order.” He glanced down at his clenched hands. “Troopers were expected to comply with every command. If we didn’t we would be ‘reeducated,’ or worse.” He inhaled strongly. “The things we were made to do were monstrous. That’s why I left the first chance I got.”

“Could you tell us a bit about your encounters with the accused after joining the Resistance?” Connix spoke this time.

Finn nodded. “The next time I saw him was on Takodana, but those were only glimpses. He abducted Rey.”

“Rey is the Jedi.” one of the Coruscant officials confirmed, and Finn nodded. “I see. Continue.”

“Well…the next time we saw him was at Starkiller…Chewie told you the part about…about Han.” Finn’s eyebrows furrowed from the haunting memory. “Rey and I fought with him after that. He…threw her against a tree and then the saber was just in front of me, and so I took it and then…” he winced. “I didn’t last long. He sliced up my back pretty badly. That’s all I remember.”

“Did you have any other interactions with the accused?”

Finn shook his head. “Not directly, no.” He studied Kylo as if he had just realized this was the first time he had seen the man since Starkiller.

“Is there anything else you’d like to tell us, Finn?” Poe asked carefully.

Finn opened his mouth like he was going to say something, and then glanced quickly at Rey. She stared back, not knowing what else to do. Finn stared hard at the podium in front of him, as if he were fighting an internal battle. Ultimately, he closed his mouth and shook his head.

“Thank you,” Connix dismissed him, and he returned to his place beside Rose. Connix turned her head to Poe. “General, I understand you’ve had your own direct encounters with Kylo R…excuse me, the accused.”

Rey felt Poe’s eyes watching her, but she found she couldn’t meet his gaze. Maybe it was the nerves inside of her at the prospect of speaking in front of so many people, or maybe it was because she was about to subvert everything the other witnesses had said.

“I think my testimony would be redundant at this point,” he said at last, and there were some murmurs around the courtroom. It was a well-known fact that Kylo had tortured Poe upon first meeting him, so it was surprising that the pilot did not wish to testify.

“Very well,” said a new voice, and Rey recognized the councilwoman from Coruscant who had taken a liking to her. A smile of anticipation spread across her strange orange lips. “The council would now like to hear from the last Jedi.”

Everyone’s eyes were on her as she moved to the witness stand. She wasn’t sure if Kylo was gazing at her or not, but she didn’t check, finding she couldn’t look at him either.

“If I recall correctly, you have had many interactions with the accused, have you not?” the woman asked.

Rey nodded, and then remembered to speak up. “Y-yes.”

“Would you please detail them?”

She swallowed. “Where should I start?”

The councilwoman was practically fidgeting with expectation, but she remained cool, smiling pleasantly at Rey. “Start at the beginning.”

So she did. She began with Takodana, then Starkiller, then Ahch-To. She paused for only a moment before revealing their Force Bond. She hated the admission of it; she felt so exposed that she might as well have been standing naked in front of the council. But she did it for him. She told the council of his conflict, of his refusal to kill her, and his slaughter of Snoke. She told them of their teamwork to kill off the Praetorian Guards. She explained how he had purposefully let her go on Canto Bight.

She spoke of Hux and the mutiny, and the Knights of Ren. Of the Light she had seen inside him, of how he had given her his own Light when she was at her darkest. She told them how he had gone out of his way to save her on more than one occasion. She detailed how they had taken out the Knights one by one.

When she was done she risked a glance at Kylo, but his head was bowed. She wanted to walk over to him, to touch him and make sure he was real. But she stayed where she was.

The room was dead silent. There were no jeers or obscenities or condescending remarks. It was just…silent.

Poe stared at her, his gaze unreadable. “Thank you, Rey,” he said quietly, and she nodded back, not daring to speak in case she would break. After she had retreated to her place on the side, Connix stood up from her chair.

“The council will adjourn as we deliberate the accused’s sentence. We will resume tomorrow morning at 09:00.”

The council moved to disband, and Rey was swept away with the exiting crowd. The last thing she saw of Kylo was his back as he was once again led away from her.

That night, Rey saw Luke.

She didn’t speak to him directly like she had on Ahch-To, but she sensed him in her dreams. His presence washed over her, calming some of her troubled thoughts.

Ever since the trial her mind had been clouded with doubt and misery. She was torn in two, half of herself went to the Republic, and the other half went to Kylo. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could live like this.

Maybe she didn’t have to. Kylo would most certainly be sentenced to death, and then her troubles would be solved wouldn’t they? She could have laughed bitterly at the whole mess.

Just when she thought she was going to break down, she had felt a hand on her shoulder, and she had known it was her old master’s. He didn’t have answers for her, and maybe a few years ago that would have frustrated her. Now she accepted it.

Whatever happened would happen.

The council gathered again early the next morning, and the courtroom was even more jam packed, if that were even possible. Rey squeezed in between her fellow comrades as she watched Kylo being led in by the guards. He was met with the same hisses and taunts as he had the day before, and just like then, he didn’t react.

Rey made eye contact with Finn across the isle. She could have really used a smile from him right then, but his face was set in a serious mask. The announcement of Kylo’s verdict was as stressful for him as it was for everyone else.

Finally, as the council members took their seats, Poe called for order and the courtroom hushed.

“After much deliberation, the council has come to its decision,” he announced, his voice as calm and collected as it always was. “We have considered all of the testimonies, and they have impacted our verdict. Kylo Ren,” Poe said, eyeing the former Supreme Leader for the first time. “The list of your crimes and war atrocities is extensive. The amount of pain and torture you’ve created across this galaxy is insurmountable.” Poe paused here, and Rey felt her breathing quicken. “The council recognizes you must pay for your crimes.”

Here the courtroom burst into noise again, but Connix rapped harshly on the council desk to quiet them.

“The council also recognizes the testimony from Rey, particularly the recounts of your killing of Emperor Snoke and the Knights of Ren,” Poe continued, his eyes hard. “We have taken _everything_ into account.”

Rey’s entire body went rigid, and despite Kylo’s silence in her mind, she could see how tense his shoulders were.

“The Republic has withstood the First Order, and in doing so we will uphold everything the Order did not. Peace. Justice.” Poe’s eyes flickered over to Rey so quickly, that she thought she might have imagined it. “Mercy.”

Her heart was hammering so loudly in her chest that she was certain her comrades next to her could hear it. Her hands gripped the railing so tightly she was surprised when it did not break in two.

Poe held Kylo’s gaze for one long moment before continuing, ignoring the confused murmurs of the crowd around them. “Today will be no different. Kylo Ren, the council of the New Republic sentences you to a life sentence, which will be served in exile on an uninhabited planet of our choosing-”

Screams of anguish and fury rang throughout the courtroom. Rey caught a glimpse or Rose from across the way and noticed she was one of the many who contested the ruling. Her face twisted in anger and betrayal, tears streaming down her face. Chewie and Finn were harder to read. The latter certainly appeared disappointed, but it was overshadowed by the confusion he must have felt, given he was privy to the more intimate details of the situation.

Almost immediately after the verdict had been read a large group of rebels tried to storm the center of the courtroom, no doubt in an attempt to attack Kylo. The room dissolved into chaos as the guards tried to hold back the crowd, as Kylo was shuffled away before he could be torn to shreds, as the council people tried desperately to regain order.

Rey tried to push through to Kylo, just to see him, just to know he was all right. She was shoved violently amidst the mayhem, and she fell, her temple cracking against the railing, and then everything went dark.

 

 

            “She’s waking up.”

Rey groaned as she blinked back into consciousness, the white lights of the med-bay piercing her eyes. Her head throbbed something horrible, and she lifted her hand to gingerly touch her temple.

“Ben?” she asked, glancing around confusedly as the shapes in front of her came into focus. When they did, she didn’t see Kylo at all, but Finn, regarding her with a troubled frown on his face. “W-what happened?”

“The majority didn’t take the news well,” Poe said, sitting beside Finn to look at her. “There was a riot.”

Rey swallowed, finding her throat to be dry. “And Ben-”

“He’s safe in his cell.”

She closed her eyes and breathed in a silent sigh of relief. When she opened them again, she glanced from Poe to Finn and back again. “What will happen?”

Poe sighed, gripping the bridge of his nose. “If I had been allowed to finish reading all of the conditions, maybe there wouldn’t have been such a backlash.”

“There would have,” Finn said quietly, his voice sounding distant.

Poe snorted without humor. “Yeah. You’re probably right.”

Rey tried to sit up, but became dizzy, so she remained where she was. “What other conditions?”

Poe raised his head. “Make no mistake, Ren will never walk as a free man again. His saber is set to be destroyed, and his planet of exile’s been chosen. A tracker has already been inserted into his arm, and will stay there until the day he dies.” He rolled back his shoulders, sitting straighter. “The ruling dictates that he’ll be exiled permanently, but the council, particularly the members from Coruscant, saw this as a wasted opportunity.”

Rey thought back to the councilwoman who had always taken an interest in Force sensitive individuals.

“If the New Republic should need to test or use his capabilities ever, we’ll call upon him, and he will be allowed to leave for brief periods only during those times.” Poe stared at her. “Provided he has a handler.”

Rey blinked. “What are you…?”

“Rey,” he said, regarding her intently. “You’re the only one who can take him down…and the only one who won’t instantly try to annihilate him, unless necessary. It’s either you or no one. ”

She was silent for a long time. And then-

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’ll do it.”

“Good.” Poe stood up, probably sensing Finn wanted to have some privacy with her. “He’ll be transported in two days. I’ll notify you when you’re cleared to visit.”

“Poe,” she called, and he paused in his leaving. She opened her mouth, hesitating for several moments as she tried to decide what to say. “Thank you,” she finally uttered, her voice thick with emotion.

He shook his head. “It wasn’t my decision,” he admitted, but his expression wavered before exiting the room.

Rey watched Finn, his face still impossible to read. “What are you thinking?” she questioned softly.

Finn shook his head. “I don’t know _what_ to think.” He exhaled noisily, angrily, through his nostrils before standing up. “I should be furious. I should want him dead. I ought to want to do it myself.” He paced her bedside, back and forth. “But I don’t. I don’t feel any of that…I’m just tired.” He plopped down again, and for the first time Rey was able to see how much this war had aged him.

Her eyes became wet. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything,” he said, taking her hand. “I don’t like this any more than the rest of the them…but I trust you. I always have, even…even if sometimes it didn’t seem like it.” He squeezed her hand tightly. “I’m never gonna stop hating Ren. For what he took from me. For what he took from the people I care about.” He paused. “But I know you see something in him. Some sort of good…and…I have to believe you.”

The tear finally leaked out of Rey’s eye, and Finn moved to wipe it, his dark thumb contrasting with her skin.  

She sniffled. “Don’t you ever leave me,” she choked.

At last Finn gave her one of his smiles, albeit a little sadder than she would have liked. “That’s never been an option.”

 

 

            She didn’t get to say goodbye to Kylo. She shouldn’t have been surprised, but when she had heard from Connix he had already left, it felt like she had been stabbed in the chest.

He had been transported to a small desert planet, light years from the New Republic’s base. Thade was the name, according to rumor. The coordinates were kept secret; the council undoubtedly knew if his location were public knowledge, they wouldn’t be able to stop their own from tracking him down.

Over the next several weeks Rey found she didn’t have much time to be upset over his departure, for she and her friends were launched into work for the New Republic. Finn had traveled to one of their bases to begin helping captured Stormtroopers regain their consciences. Poe spent his days commuting back and forth between Coruscant and the new headquarters, assembling a new council that would head this fresh republic. Chewie volunteered to transport precious cargo, including weapons, goods, and in some cases, people. Rose remained on base, her skills in engineering were being used to produce and test new technologies.

Rey spent those first few weeks at headquarters, helping in any way she could before eventually deciding to begin teaching the Force sensitive children. There was little debate in her mind where she would take them, for she already had a place in mind.

She never thought she would return to the lush island of Ahch-To, but when she stepped foot on the stone path, she felt the closest she had ever been to Luke since his death.

She was awkward as an instructor at first, sometimes at a loss when it came to answering her students’ many questions. She also wasn’t sure how to treat them. Should she be stern? Supportive? Mysterious? Eventually, as time passed, however, she found the perfect equilibrium between encouraging and critical. There were times when she realized her methods were far different from Luke’s, probably far different from any Jedi master before her actually. But she remembered what Luke had said about change, and how it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

There were some nights, after her students had gone to bed, when she would walk over to the place Kylo and her had touched fingers. The hut had been rebuilt, and Rey’s lips twitched as she remembered the creatures of this island and their displeasure with her destructive nature. She sat down on the stone bench after concocting a fire and tried, not for the first time, to reconnect her bond with Kylo.

She hadn’t been able to fully connect with him in their same way since he had severed the bond back on the Destroyer, and she wondered if he had somehow done irreparable damage.

She stared into the flames, her fingers curling and uncurling from the memory of their first touch.

It had been six months since she had seen him.

She missed him terribly, but Poe had insisted she couldn’t visit him for a long while. If he had revealed the coordinates of Thade to her, it would look like he was playing favorites. She understood Poe’s motives, but that didn’t make her any less anxious.

The next morning during training, Rey walked among her students as they practiced poses. She paused every once in a while to make an adjustment or offer words of encouragement. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Tamar, the boy she had rescued on Canto Bight, staring at a redheaded girl across the way. The girl glanced up, clearly catching him in the act, and the poor boy ducked his head, his ears flaming.

After the session was over, Rey called Tamar aside.

“You were distracted today,” she commented, looking him over.

His shoulder’s slumped. “Sorry, Master.”

Rey’s mouth quirked up at one corner. “It was Lorna again.”

Tamar’s face instantly became beet red, and he kicked his foot out at the dirt. “Is it that obvious?”

Rey chuckled. “No. I don’t think she knows.” She paused. “Perhaps you should go and talk to her.”

Tamar looked horrified at the suggestion, but then his brows furrowed in confusion. “But I thought…aren’t Jedi not supposed to have attachments?”

Rey sat down on the ground and he joined her, their shoulders brushing. “That’s how it used to be, yes.”

“Used to be?”

Rey glanced up at the sky. “A long time ago, my master told me that as time passes, the Force evolves, and we evolve with it. The Jedi Order may be gone, but we can rebuild it. We can make it something else.” She turned her head to find Tamar staring at her in wonder. “Besides, she likes you too.”

Tamar’s mouth dropped. “H-how do you…did you use some Jedi Force trick?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Actually…that was more just my intuition.”

“Oh,” he replied, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment. “Um…nice.”

Rey smiled at the boy. Although it had only been a little less than a year since she had seen him on Canto Bight, he had matured tremendously; he was no longer the meek child clinging to her side. She could see how eager he was to become a Jedi, to learn the teachings and to also find his own answers.

It was reasons like him that made Rey feel like she had purpose.

A week later she sensed something in her dreams. No, not something. _Someone._ At first she assumed it was Master Luke, but the signature was different. It was weaker, more unsure.

Rey’s eyes widened as the figure in front of her transformed, and she knew at once it was Leia. The General didn’t speak, even when Rey called out to her, but she did smile. Her expression was warm, and proud, and knowing. And when Rey woke up, the next morning, her chest buzzed from the feeling.

Within hours after her awakening, Poe sent her a transmission.

“How’s the training going, Master?” he asked teasingly, and she grinned.

“They’re improving every day. Some are…a little more eager than others,” she chuckled a bit, thinking back to her conversation with Tamar.

“Listen Rey,” Poe said, cutting right down to business. “I need your help with something.”

Her smile faded, and she composed herself at his serious tone. “Anything.”

“The council would like to call upon Kylo Ren’s handler.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Next chapter, Kylo and Rey are reunited!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As this story comes to a close, I want to pose the idea for a new story involving our favorite couple. I’d like to gauge from my readers if you all would be interested if I wrote a more romantic/character based story about Rey and Kylo. 
> 
> My best idea/summary right now is this:
> 
> “The Writings of Ben Solo”
> 
> By day Rey struggles not to strangle Kylo Ren to death. It’s difficult, given they are the only two stranded on this remote planet, and he’s driving her insane. But by night, she finds herself captivated by the journal entries in her Jedi texts…and she unknowingly finds herself falling for a young Ben Solo.
> 
> This would very much a relationship development fic, with the main focus to be on their interactions and growing intimacy while stranded after crash landing during wartime. Let me know!

            Rey’s fingers kept thrumming anxiously against her seat aboard the _Millennium Falcon._ Her movements become so distracting that at one point, Chewie had to reach over and grip her hand to still them. She glanced apologetically at him, and he wailed his amusement.

She couldn’t believe she was going to see Kylo again. She wondered if he would look differently from when she had seen him last.

She would have one day alone with him before Poe was to meet them on Thade to assign them their mission. If all went well then maybe the council would consider providing Kylo more opportunities to leave his exiled planet. Rey hoped he would be on his best behavior for his own benefit.

Once Chewie had landed the craft, Rey was able to see for herself just what Kylo’s permanent residence looked like.

Truthfully, it wasn’t much. The landscape reminded her a bit of Jakku, but even this planet’s sandy crust was much plainer than her home planet’s. Several paces away, Rey’s eyes caught a modest stone shelter, the only structure, she knew, on the entire planet. There were piles of goods by the outside, probably from a recent drop off.

Chewie exited the craft with her, and with each step she took her heart pounded violently in her chest. The closer she got, the more clearly she could feel his presence, and he must have felt hers, for at that moment he emerged from the hut, his eyes widening.

They stared at each other for only one second, before Rey ran to him, throwing her arms around his torso and crushing him to her. His arms were slower to embrace her, but once they did he held on tight. They stayed like that for what felt like minutes, until Rey remembered they weren’t alone.

She pulled apart from Kylo and took a step back, angling her body so she could also look at Chewie. The Wookie stared at his best friend’s son, and Kylo gazed back, uncertainty written on his face. Finally, Chewie gave Kylo a small wail and curt nod, and Kylo returned the gesture, albeit awkwardly.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” Rey told the Wookie, and Chewie gave her a hug before boarding the _Falcon_ again. She watched as the craft took off until it disappeared into the sky.

She turned to Kylo then, taking him in for the first time in months. His hand came up to cup her cheek, his thumb running over her skin.

“Took you long enough to come,” he grumbled.

“Honestly, just…shut up, will you?”

She leaned up to kiss him, and this time he instantly wound himself around her.

 

 

            Later, when they lay curled closely in his bunk, his hand running over her bare shoulder and her head on his chest, she inquired about the bond.

“It hasn’t come back,” she noted. “At least, not to its full capacity.”

Kylo grunted. “No. It hasn’t.”

“Are you upset?” Rey questioned, lifting her head.

He blinked. “I’m not sure.”

“Me either.” Her hand came up on his chest. “We don’t have much time to be alone, you know. Poe’s doing us a favor by letting me come here early.”

He snorted. “I’ll make sure to thank him then.” He said it in a way that made Rey certain he wouldn’t.

She frowned. “You could at least be a little grateful.”

“Grateful that I’m a slave?”

“Yes, all things considering,” she snapped, and then calmed. “I just know that…I would rather have this than the alternative.”

Kylo was quiet for a bit as he combed his fingers through her free flowing hair. “Me too,” he said at last.

“Whatever he asks of us tomorrow, you need to do it, _without_ complaining,” she continued, resting her chin on his chest so she could look at him. “Behaving will work in your favor.”

“You mean in your friends’ favors,” he grumbled.

“You could _try_ to get along with them. Be cordial at the very least.”

“I doubt it, given the circumstances.” She gave him an exasperated look, and he sighed. “Alright.”

“Good.” She turned her head to rest her temple in his collarbone. Her hand came up further to run over the heavy scaring of his shoulder. The old wound she had given him years ago contrasted heavily with this newer, darker scar.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked.

“Several things. The bond. My students. Poe. Finn. You.” She swallowed. “Maybe someday…after the council has seen the Light inside you for themselves…maybe I can find you a new saber.”

His hand stilled in her hair. “That would be…” he couldn’t find the words, but Rey knew the gesture meant a great deal to him.

“Maybe this time it won’t bleed red,” she pondered, and he remained silent, clearly thinking over the possibility for himself. When he was quiet for longer than she liked, she boosted herself up on her arms, leaning over him. “Ben. What is it?”

He stared for a moment before placing a hand on the center of her back, gently pushing her to him again. He moved his lips by her ear, and even though she couldn’t feel him as well through the bond, she found she didn’t need to.

He murmured the words anyway.

 

 

            Rey wasn’t sure when she drifted off to sleep, but when she opened her eyes, her surroundings were foggy. She couldn’t have named where she was for the life of her, but she wasn’t afraid. She held her ground as two figures took form before her. One was Luke, but his wry smile was replaced with a peaceful one. His eyes held a mixture of sadness and pain and hope. There was something different about this gaze, something she had never seen before.

The other figure was slower to morph, but when it took shape Rey knew it was Leia. Similarly to Luke, she wore an expression of mixed emotions, but the most prominent by far was…understanding. Leia reached out a hand to Rey and connected their palms, intertwining their fingers, and that’s when Rey realized that she didn’t recognize her own hands. This wasn’t her body…this was-

Leia blinked at her, and Rey became breathless, not realizing so much love and forgiveness could be held in one look.

She woke up to find Ben with tears streaming down his face. Not Kylo. Ben. Their bond twisted around them in a new way, a different way than it ever had, and Rey knew it was because up until this point she had only ever shared this connection with Kylo Ren.

Their forgiveness was the last piece of his puzzle of conflict. He had achieved closure, or at least as much as he could without speaking to Han. He would have to live the rest of his life knowing he could never do that. But this would have to be enough.

Rey gently pushed Ben up so his face could bury itself in her shoulder. She rested her head against his, and they sat there until they could feel the Force beating around them, an invisible, soft, white glow.

 

 

            They stood outside his hut the next morning, watching together as Poe’s craft touched down within fifty feet of the shelter. Rey began to walk forward as the engines died down, but she broke into a sprint when she realized Poe wasn’t alone.   
Finn met her halfway, crushing her in his arms.

“I didn’t know you were coming,” Rey said breathlessly, after they had separated.

Finn shrugged. “Thought I’d surprise you.”

Rey smiled at her friends. “How is everything? Well, I hope?”

“It’s so great, Rey,” Finn beamed. “I feel like I’m really making progress with some of the former Troopers. A couple of them have even asked me to name them.” He shot a fond glance at Poe, recalling how the two of them had met. The General clapped a hand on Finn’s shoulder, squeezing it affectionately.

“And you?” Rey inquired. Despite seeing Poe more often than she had Finn, the pilot was far too busy to sit down and have a real conversation with her. He had a new government to help run after all.

“Busy, but that’s a good thing,” he said, winking. He looked past her then, and his smile faded, Finn’s face morphing into a similar expression.

Rey angled her body away from them and found Ben had approached, standing about ten feet away from the trio. She took a few steps back and to the side, coming to stand in the middle of the three men, in case she needed to act as a mediator.

The atmosphere was uncomfortable to say the least. Rey was never one for knowing what to do when it came to speaking, so she just stood there awkwardly, her eyes flickering back and forth from one stormy stare to another.

Thankfully, she could count on Poe for his articulation. “You’ve received all required shipments from the New Republic?” he inquired rigidly. “Food? Water?”

“Yes,” Ben responded evenly.

“Good.” Another awkward beat.

“Maybe we should go over the mission?” Rey jumped in this time.

Poe cleared his throat. “Right. The New Republic needs to start looking for more Force sensitive children. Normally I would just have Rey search on her own, but she can’t be away for months at a time when she has her own students.” Poe glanced from Ben to Rey then back again. “The process will be a lot faster if we have more than one Force user.”

“That makes sense. Where should the two of us start?” Rey inquired.

Poe cleared his throat again. “Actually…it will be the four of us. Council wants one of their own on the first couple of missions, just for peace of mind. Hence, why I’m here.” He jerked a thumb towards himself. He nodded his head over to Finn. “Thought I’d bring back up.”

“I’m the back up,” Finn added obviously, the corner of his mouth quirking at Rey despite the unusual situation.

“Are you sure you aren’t needed elsewhere?” Rey asked Poe, raising her eyebrow skeptically.

The pilot grinned. “I’m needed everywhere, but this’ll be a nice break from government protocol. It’s pretty dry. Don’t know how you used to do it,” he nodded his head in Ben’s direction, but the taller man’s face remained impassive. Poe ignored his silence. “Mission shouldn’t take us more than a few days.”

“That is, if things don’t become complicated,” Finn added, the comment clearly intended for Ben.

Rey could sense Ben’s brewing anger, so she stepped next to him and took his hand in her own. Poe and Finn’s discomfort practically radiated off of them, but she cast it aside.

“If we’re going to succeed, then we need to work together.” She glanced pointedly at Finn and Poe. “ _All_ of us.”

Finn looked away a bit dejectedly, but Poe’s mouth lifted into a smirk.

“Well. _This_ should be interesting,” he drawled but then paused. “Okay then. Maybe some introductions are in order.” He looked over Ben for a moment but didn’t bother extending his hand. “Poe Dameron.”

Finn glanced at Rey, and when she nodded encouragingly he sighed, but stepped forward. “Finn.”

They gazed expectantly at their former enemy in war, but he didn’t answer at first. Rey squeezed his hand as he turned his head to look at her. She gave him a small smile, her eyes shining with reassurance. She sent him a pulse through the bond to let him know she was with him. Now and for the rest of time.

He squeezed back and shifted his head back to the two men in front of him, never once letting go of her hand.

“Ben Solo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who read, commented, and left kudos on this story. This was my A03 and my first Reylo fic and I am really touched at the support I received. I’m really excited to see episode IX and I hope it lives up to my expectations. Don’t forget to let me know if you would at all like to see a more romance/drama based Reylo story, but until then thank you again. Your feedback has made writing this story worth it. 
> 
>  
> 
> Reminder: I will be changing my penname. I think I’ll try to go with something like BurnedStars777. 
> 
> Also, might experiment and write a one-shot AU. Just for shits and giggles. But I definitely would like to take a crack at the story I mentioned above. Thanks again to my readers. :)


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